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So confused

 
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davey
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Joined: 07 Oct 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:33 pm    Post subject: So confused Reply with quote

Hello everybody i have come on here because i have no where else to turn. I am 21 years old and have been going out with my girlfriend for three years now. Over the last year i have felt i do not want to stay with one girl and i want to experience being with other girls, although i love my girlfriend very much and am happy when i am with her. I feel as if i am living a lie and i cannot see me staying with this girl forever, but whenever i try to tell her this she brakes down and cries and says she does not want to live then i am over come with guilt and end up saying we will make things work, but then i end up being unhappy again. I do love this girl and never want to hurt her but i feel i am only staying with her so she does not have to feel the pain of losing me. This is our first realtionship and we both have never had to go through a brake up. She wants to settle down and have a life with me but i am so confused because i am not sure if that is what i want, i think deep down i know i could be happier with someone else, but i can never see myself being strong enough to finish it and hurt her. I dont really know much about realtionships so please help me i need so advice, i feel desperate.
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AsianLove
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 2:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would be very sure before you actually break up with her. If you look at my situation which I have posted in a thread not too far down from here, you will notice that I also wanted to play the game and get out in the "Single" world and enjoy what life had to offer me. But I was a fool and the girl i WAS with was a girl I will always regret breaking up with. Im not saying the situation is the same but I took for granted the love that I felt with her and now im paying the price. I am just saying, way your choices carefully...

Good luck davey!
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stp23
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are 21 and met her at 18. Your first real relationship. Have you experienced your first real break up? You may have to experience this before it's too late.

You're a young person whose life is budding forth. Same goes for her. It's obvious you are looking at other young ladies and getting other interests. Are you able to see yourself spending the rest of your life with this particular lady? When you are 41, with kids, job and bills, will you look back twenty years with real fondness on your decision to stay with her? Or will you wish that you had a little more fun exploring the sea? It's your call really.
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Me
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i dont know wats it wid guys! u met this girl, stayed wid her for 3 long years of ur life,made her fall in luv wid u..n u fell in luv wid her as well..n now u wana break up wid her cuz u wana go hav sum meaningless string of relationships which wil mostly be for 4 the physical aspect only im sure..why do guys make girls fal in love in the 1st place if al they hav 2 do is ditch her at the 1st signs of the relationship gettin serious..if u dont wana be wid her..end it at dis very moment..stop givin her hope!! n stop spendin more time wid her which wil make her get even more serious abt u..a girl keeps falling harder in luv wid each passing second spent wid the man she luvs..bt if u do break up wid her..dont make a joke out of it n go bak 2 her after every few mnths jus cuz u miss her..like most guyz do..hav it in u 2 end it completely...4 her sake..bt if u say u love her..then why leave her..spending ur life wid the person u luv n only dat person isnt such a bad thing u know!!
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Coolchick
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Joined: 15 Oct 2008
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yes, be totally sure before you break up with her but do it before it gets too overwhelming ...you only live once
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idk
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 05, 2008 5:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm sort of in a similar position, it was a first relationship for both of us. except i'm a girl, and i've already broken up with him

i mainly broke up with him because i found that i've developed feelings for another guy. the 3 of us belong to the same close knit friendship group, which adds a lot to the confusion. i've still been going around in circles with my ex because he says he still loves me and can't understand why we didn't work out

the friend whom i had feelings for has developed feelings for me as well and we're technically going out right now

but right now i'm confused about my feelings. maybe because i haven't had time between the 2 relationships and because my ex has been chasing after me. when i see my ex i feel like i want to hug him, but at the same time i feel like i want to be with my current bf. i can't tell any more whether i'm suppressing my feelings for my ex because i'm with someone else now or i really don't love him any more. i can't tell either whether i really love my current bf

one of the few things i've realised is that i probably won't fully realise how i feel about my ex until i really feel like i've lost him for good, but it would probably be too late by then

not sure if my experience is of any help, but good luck to you davey
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Surrwin
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Joined: 06 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 3:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think it is hard to say that you "really love" her if you looking at leaving and trying new relationships with other women. If you really love someone, you wouldn't feel that way all the time. I mean sure, once and a while people get into fights or moods and they struggle but you'll fix that inventually. In this case I don't think that is what is going on.

For you I think she isn't giving you that something that you need deep down inside of you, so your looking around and thinking about moving on. Don't let her tears or feelings stop you from breaking up and moving on. This may sound mean but it is far better to break it off now then continue to live this false relationship and be misleading her (plus as you said your not happy anyways).

Don't make yourself unhappy, don't settle, your way to young to settle. With each relationship that you have, you'll get clearer understanding of who you really want to be with and love.

Dating can be hard at times but it is rewarding too...
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davey
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 2:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi everyone thanks for your replies. It has been more than a month that when i first posted and i am still with the girl i was thinking of breaking up with. I have tryed to make things work and tryed to be happy with her but i just dont feel it. I am feelings terrible feelings of guilt that i cant love my girlfriend the way she wants me to and they way i should. She is really trying to make the realtionship work and whenever i talk about breaking up she starts to cry and i feel even worse then agree to make another go of things. Things have got worse as i have started to develop feelings for a girl i have been spending time with at work, we talk all the time and get on really well, then when i go back to my girlfriend i find myself missing the girl at work. My friends have said i just need to finish my girlfriend but it all seems so easy i feel trapped with her and couldnt ever imagine finishing her. I think maybe i just need to stand up and be a mad and end things but i just cant bring myself to do it. Thank you all for your replies
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Surrwin
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 6:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Davey,

You don't have to get mad, just be firm. Tell her that your not feeling it and that you can't continue on this way, that you don't love her that way (love her more like a friend).
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