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Young and in Love

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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:04 pm    Post subject: Young and in Love Reply with quote

I apologise now if this sounds like every other sob story you've ever read, but I think I need a bit of help with it.

I'm only 17 years old, which - to anyone who's older and thinks they know better - is pretty young to be in love, so I'm going to ask for you to not patronise me and say that I'm too young to know what love is.

I met this guy whilst on a school holiday in Italy, just before my 15th birthday, and I guess we got on really well. We started dating a couple of months later, when we got to know each other better. He was in the year above me (sort of a big ish deal when you're that young) and I thought how lucky I was to have him. We stayed together for the entire year, which was a lot longer than I had originally thought, I never thought I could get on so well with anyone.

We weren't by any means a lovey dovey couple, we didn't stare longingly into each others eyes... We were very much a silly couple, as we both firmly believed in having fun whilst being young. As the year came to an end, he told me that he would be leaving the school. Actually I found that out from someone else, but nevertheless I waited for him to tell me anyway. It was strange because that was the first time I ever felt a pang of...I'm not sure what it was, I guess it just physically hurt me a bit.

The problem being was that I didnt know how I'd cope with a 'long distance relationship'. I had never done it before. Long distance in this case however wasnt that long, but due to the long hours of my school I wasnt sure I would ever see him during term time.
This turned out to be true. We had a great summer together, and over that summer we had both said 'I love you' like we meant it. We hadn't ever said it before, because -another thing we agreed on - was not to say it unless you truly mean it.

As I turned 16, and he was already 16 - he had a moped - he was always the one who had to come and see me in that first winter term after he left. He soon got annoyed with having to do all the work. I had problems with keeping up with my work so I had to do it on sundays, when I should have been seeing him. But week after week I kept turning him down.
I truly loved him, but I couldnt sacrifice my schoolwork to see him. He couldnt understand this though, and we soon started arguing more and more. We no longer had fun, silly conversations. Instead we had to spend the time filling in each other on what was happening in each others lives.

A year and a half after being together, we finally decided to end it. It was entirely mutual, and we decided it was for the best; deciding that we had to go our separate ways.
It was hard at the end, because I always felt like he was too good for me, as I was younger - there were all the pretty girls at his new school, he had new friends, how could he not move on without me? I just couldnt see how he could love someone like me.
Then the other thing was that I'm not one to voice my opinions about other people very much - so he was never sure if I loved him or not, even though I always tried to assure him that I did.

The problem now is that we are still friends. Admittedly I spent a few months crying over what I had lost, but I managed to convince myself that I dont love him.
We are honest with each other, I tell him about the guys I fancy - because quite often he knows them, and he tells me about his new girlfrieds. Thats one of the things that troubles me the most - the fact that hes had numerous girlfriends since we split up, and I have had no boyfriends.

I still see him, and I've invited him along to several events at school - mostly so that he could see his old friends. I even invited him to the valentines ball, which stopped random drunk guys trying to hit on me, but he stayed over at my house afterwards (too late to drive all the way to his home) and we slipped into our old ways.
We agreed on it being a one off.
Then he told me a few days later that he had got another new girlfriend.
I always think I can handle it, but everytime I see pictures of him online, with said girlfriends, it though I have a huge hole in my chest and someone is trying rip it open even more. Metaphorically of course.
The way I solved that was to delete him off of anything like facebook and myspce just so that I wouldnt have to see any pictures of him. Sounds pretty immature I know, but it helped.
Now I'm faced with the problem of telling him WHY I deleted him.

How on earth can I stop feeling like my hearts been broken? Its actually been a year now since we properly split, surely I should be feeling a little better about this?

All the guys I know are 'scared' of me because they all knew my ex, and they knew how lovely and great he was (it was uncanny how many people liked him) and I think they feel they can't compare, so a 'rebound' is hardly an option.

I'm young. In love. And fed up with it. How on earth do I get over it?

(Thanks if you read all of that)
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Joined: 09 May 2009
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 1:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know what you're going through...I'm currently fifteen years old, and I am still madly in love with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up about six months ago. We went out for a year and five weeks. Its terrible feeling so heart-broken. But I am still in love with him. Maybe you're feeling heart-broken because you actually still love him. There will probably always be a part of you that will still love him. I know its confusing. I myself don't understand why I still feel so empty and torn up over a single boy. You're not going through this alone.

*If my advice didn't help, I sorries. ]=*
"I remember all the simple things...I remember till I cry. But the one thing I wish I would forget is goodbye."
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Joined: 29 Oct 2006
Posts: 73

PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote][quote]I'm young. In love. And fed up with it. How on earth do I get over it? [/quote][/quote]

In my opinion, there's only one remedy for your condition: you need a new boyfriend in your life.

A real Einstein, you say?

Yes, because it is that simple! First of all, you sound like an attractive girl. The fact that this wonderful guy was your boyfriend, the same guy who all the girls love, shows that you are his equal in attractiveness. Remember that fact.

Secondly, you state that the guys are afraid to approach you because they know that you had an awesome boyfriend, and that they could not measure up to him. Well, that might be so, but it might also be your actual attitude in public. You see, it's obvious that you are not over your old flame, and I am sure that when other young guys approach you, you might be giving off cues or body language or whatever, that makes you seem standoffish. Now, I am not criticizing you, because I don't what you are like in person, but based on what you are saying in your post, I think that in your subconcious mind, you are not as interested in potential new guys as you are in the old flame. So what you have to do, is to take a new attitude towards romance or dating. You have to make a mental and emotional decision to set yourself free...otherwise, you are going to go further and further into the realm of unhappiness in your love life. The body language which we use on a daily basis, which the psychologists and sociologists write so much about, does manifest itself in our dealings with the opposite sex, and I am convinced, based on what you have written, that your body language and facial cues are telling guys that you are not interested or open to being approached.

To begin, tell yourself that no matter how much you had in your heart for your old flame, time has moved on. He has set himself on a new course, with new flames, and you can't change that. So, rebuild your broken heart, tell yourself it's time to seek that new special, wonderful guy, and be ready in your heart to meet him!

Next, when you see that guy that appeals to you...whatever appeals to you...make the move yourself! Put on a big smile, bright eyes and talk to him! Don't wait for someone to come up to you. Take the initiative. If you were able to hit it off so well with that special old flame, you are also able to hit it off with a new guy. And that guy might become the best flame of your life!
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