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I Need Help With This...

 
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Kiky
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 11:29 pm    Post subject: I Need Help With This... Reply with quote

Um--Can I get some help on this one?
Here's my little craptacular problem: I met this guy through a friend last January. He ASKED me to "be something more" to him after talking on the phone for about a month. I thought I was his gf in the beginning, but because of his "attitude" towards me( he was just a horny SOB), I realized I wasn't (thank goodness I never slept with him!), but we decided to be friends still. Still hung out with him, until I decided I didn't want to see him anymore.<<<All of this took place LAST YEAR.

Fast forward...

I haven't seen him since last year. We DO keep in touch (occasionally) through IM. Sad part about this is, I have feelings for him (always did), yet I mask them because of what happened between us before. Mind you all, I have a hunch that he likes me, but I dunno exaclty how--if it's real or he's just suffering from blue balls.

I told what I wanted before, yet he still talks to me (and I sadly, to him). What should I do? State my true feelings (again) or just let it go?
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chivalrous incarnate
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, of course a guy would feel bad if he got shut down from sex, you aint gotta have sex but yall can just love right? yeah hes suffering and the only medicine for that is you
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keeping in touch as in only occasionally through IM? Well, for some real relationship to happen, there has got to be more... and certainly more of physically seeing one another...

Worth hurting yourself...? Any other guys you might considered giving him chances? Do give it some thoughts...
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Kiky
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 4:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Keeping in touch as in only occasionally through IM? Well, for some real relationship to happen, there has got to be more... and certainly more of physically seeing one another...

Worth hurting yourself...? Any other guys you might considered giving him chances? Do give it some thoughts..."


^^^^^^^^^

Well, to answer the first part of your comment, I DO want to see him....but I have my reservations. Sad

Second part of your comment: Are u asking me did I consider other guys other than him? YES, but I didn't feel as strongly for them as I do for this guy. Embarassed


Last edited by Kiky on Thu Dec 14, 2006 4:28 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Kiky
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 4:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:a431dbe8b4="chivalrous incarnate"]Yeah, of course a guy would feel bad if he got shut down from sex, you aint gotta have sex but yall can just love right? yeah hes suffering and the only medicine for that is you[/quote:a431dbe8b4]

Uhhuh...so what about me expressing my feelings to him??? Confused
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chayne
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 9:10 pm    Post subject: this is long, sorry.... Reply with quote

Expressing how you feel is something that I do ~ even if people run away after I've said my piece Smile

Perhaps if you lay your cards on the table, he may feel confident enough to do the same. Catch is, he may not.

However, from my experience, just becasue a bloke doesn't tell me how he feels, he does change his behavior, and this is how i know that my letting myself be vulnerable with him wasn't taken a s a kick me sign.

Alternatively, he doesn't alter his behavior, continues to see me as 'something' to stroke his ego, and so let's me know that he isn't interested in me as a person. I am a person before I am a woman. Attraction is lost when I ahve this type of experience, and well where's the friendship...so i sail on...

Blokes so often see sex as an 'icebreaker', some of them will really let their gaurd down once their in the bedroom. But before that they have this big wall to keep you back; and part of that distancing involves 'objectification'.

It may be that he really likes you, is male and so has probably learnt his romance lessons from men's mags, therefore none at all. He may have no idea how to let you know he really likes you, besides trying to bed you. You being real with your feelings may be the first time he is ever felt valued as a person, as someone that a woman wants to get to know.

If he runs, take comfort in the fact that he probably is very attracted and is unable to cope at the moment Smile And give him the space he needs.

hope this helps,
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Johnny5
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 9:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are only two really possibilities here:

A) Some men have no idea how to express their affection other than physically. A long stint of purely physical relationships with rather shallow women can train us that what women want is sex and only sex. That this is validation for both parties and horny is how people interact. Plus, our hormones get in the way.

B) He really [i:eacbbc0487]doesn't[/i:eacbbc0487] have any deeper feelings. Men who view women as objects often rate them by their difficulty to obtain. Your rejection made you more desirable, but not more respected. He wants to possess you, not know you.

How have his past relationships gone? Has he showed others a part of himself he does not give to you? When you talk, what does he ask you? What does he remember about you?(stories, interests, etc.)

If you decide the answer is B then minimize contact. Your feelings are begging to get trampled on.

If your answer is A) then (guys are going to HATE me for this next bit)
get in the friggin' driver seat. He isn't going to unlearn this behavior by himself. You need to let him know what you want and why. Be flattering and choose your words carefully, but you need to housebreak this puppy.
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chayne
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:6cf378f206="Johnny5"]There are only two really possibilities here:

A) Some men have no idea how to express their affection other than physically. A long stint of purely physical relationships with rather shallow women can train us that what women want is sex and only sex. That this is validation for both parties and horny is how people interact. Plus, our hormones get in the way.

B) He really [i:6cf378f206]doesn't[/i:6cf378f206] have any deeper feelings. Men who view women as objects often rate them by their difficulty to obtain. Your rejection made you more desirable, but not more respected. He wants to possess you, not know you.

How have his past relationships gone? Has he showed others a part of himself he does not give to you? When you talk, what does he ask you? What does he remember about you?(stories, interests, etc.)

If you decide the answer is B then minimize contact. Your feelings are begging to get trampled on.

If your answer is A) then (guys are going to HATE me for this next bit)
get in the friggin' driver seat. He isn't going to unlearn this behavior by himself. You need to let him know what you want and why. Be flattering and choose your words carefully, but you need to housebreak this puppy.[/quote:6cf378f206]

You are cool Johhny~
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chivalrous incarnate
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 9:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Right, sit down or go out to a park, spend ALOT more time if you really want him...He start to notice the attention youre giving him, you see men like me, Loves attention from girls or women... be really emoitional about it, and use words that give warmth like "soul" and "burning love"
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 6:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm... pardon me asking, you were saying about having reservation on meeting him?

Well, in anyway... I believe before a relationship could happen, you guys have to definitely meet up with one another... Even if you were to make known your feeling for him, you should be telling him in person(physically seeing him) and not through IM... Words through IM and physically seeing of another can be very different...

Nonetheless, I believe you should give yourself the chance to find out more? And the only way is by meeting up again and only will things be possible...

In anyway, if he still does like you he should be more than willing to meet up with you again... That's what I thought...
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Kiky
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thankies, you guys. Very Happy
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AshleyRose
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 3:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kiky,

You two have to get together then you will know once and for all if there is anything there worth having.
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fluffy23
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 10:51 am    Post subject: a few ideas Reply with quote

You need to move on, date and replace him. Block his IMS. cut off all ties. It sounds like he's sweet talking you for ass and your falling right into his trapt. Maybe your lonely or something. OR why don't you just have sex with him already. If you did and he still came around he either a)really does like you, or b) the sex was just that good. haha. Im not advocating sex I'm just saying it could be an option. So...you have a few options, choose carefully.
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