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break-up story

 
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index -> Breaking Up
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catio
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 4:51 pm    Post subject: break-up story Reply with quote

Okay, so I'll try to make this as short as I can. I'm not even sure what my question is. But this is my whole story so far. My girlfriend and I broke up over 7 years ago. We were only around 19 and 20 years old back then. We kept in touch over the years, sometimes writing letters, sometimes emails, even sometimes hanging out.

But hanging out was too awkward for me when she was in a relationship with someone else, because she was the one who ended it with me. But anyway, we would make contact every now and then over the course of the past 7 years.

And most of the time, when we did, it would seem like it was leading to us getting back together again. But for one reason or another, it never happened. Well it finally happened this past January.

My feelings for her over all those years never changed. Deep down I always wanted her back and I still wanted to be with her and no one else.

It seemed like a miracle to me that we finally got together again, because a year ago, around Christmas, we got close to getting back together, until she said something like, "I don't have romantic feelings for you," and "I don't deserve you," and other confusing things.

But anyway, that was back around Christmas in 2005. This past Christmas (in 2006) was when we made the contact that would lead to us getting together in January 2007. So anyway...this time around, I thought it would last forever. We were older now and more mature than when we were 18 or 19.

Plus the things she said to me, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't have asked for more. She said that the only reason we never got together any of those other times over the years was because she was afraid.

We were talking in her room, and she said, "It's scary because it's so intense." But I didn't ask her what was scary. I still don't really know what she meant. But she said she wasn't scared anymore, and she also said, "This time, I'm just gonna dive into it head first."

So I guess she did because we got back together. She said it was destiny, and that she had to go through all those other relationships so she could be able to tell when she had good love and not "bad love."

She said I was the only real thing she's ever had. She told me that I was hers and she was mine, and she said I was her soul mate, and she called me her other half. She talked about the future, about wanting to marry me and have kids and live together and everything, and she told me that she couldn't imagine it with anyone else.

She would even call me in the middle of the night just to make sure I was okay. She was talking about the colors she wanted to use for our wedding. She even said I was her dream come true. I have to admit that deep down, I did think that she was moving along with all of this pretty fast.

We were only back together for a few weeks at this point. But I had been waiting so long to hear her say these things that I couldn't help it. She even asked me if I thought things were going too fast, and I said no. And she said she didn't think they were either.

This went on for a couple more weeks, until I went over one night and she was acting distant and quiet and said she had a lot on her mind. She said things were going very fast, and that we were only back together for a little while and already talking about marriage and everything.

But for the record, she was the one who brought it up. Not that I didn't like talking about it, because I wanted to do it. I never had commitment issues with her. If anything, I think maybe she does. So a few days after this talk we had, she ended it with me over the phone.

She opened the break up conversation with this line, "I know that we have what it takes to make it, but..." and then she went into the break up stuff. She said she didn't have romantic feelings for me (which was something I heard already back around Christmas 2005, like I said above) so I was confused at what was going.

I don't know if she meant it, or if it was an excuse or what. It all feels like a blur to me. That break up was at the end of January, about 10 months ago now. But she did contact me for the first time since then, about a month ago. It was totally out of the blue.

She said she was going through a rough patch in her life, and that she called me because she wanted to hear my voice, she said she wanted to talk to someone who knew her, and she said she missed me, but she also said she wasn't calling to get back together.

She mentioned something about wanting to keep in touch, but I just couldn't do it. I was still hurting bad from the break up and I couldn't see how we could be just friends anymore after having experienced all that we did together.

I was honest and I told her that unless we were together, that I couldn't be in her life. I told her I couldn't be "just friends" and that it's something my heart just can't take. I just can't hold in all those feelings for her. I can't fit it into a little box like that.

She told me she understood. She told me to take care and we hung up. I don't know what will come of this or where it will go. I get scared that I'll never be with her again, or maybe never even see her or speak to her again. But I did all I could and I was honest.

Her actions are just so confusing to me, and the things she said. First all the good things, then all the bad things. It just doesn't fit in my mind, I can't make sense of what happened. Anyway, that's my story.
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catio
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 2:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What a dead board this is. Remind me not to post here anymore. 29 views and 0 responses! Thanks for all the advice!
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Maya
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 4:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm new to this board & only reading this now.

For the record, I think you did the "right" thing. You were honest in the fact that you are literally not able to just be friends with her after all that has taken place.

Yes, maybe you will not be in touch again, or maybe only very sporadically initiated by her, or maybe she will claim that she has "come to her senses" and yet again proclaim deep love for you.

If the latter happens, I would truly be wary, taking things extremely slow. Perhaps even just building up some time as only friends, where there is no intimacy physically whatsoever. Just to see if feelings hold during this time. You would have to keep your boundaries very strong, being sure not to allow the same thing happen again. I would also ask for very detailed clarification as to what was/is going on within herself where there have been several abrupt changes of heart.

Best Wishes...
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