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Can Anyone Else Relate to This?

 
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MarkWA65
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Joined: 27 Nov 2007
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Location: Seattle, WA

PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:19 pm    Post subject: Can Anyone Else Relate to This? Reply with quote

OK so I guess I should start this with a little background. About nine years ago I sort of gave up on dating. I retreated into the safety of my appartment and burried myself in video games and my career. I thought I was happy being alone and prety much figured that I would be that way the rest of my life.

But a few weeks before my 42nd birthday I had sort of an awakening. One night I was feeling so alone and despised what I had let myself become. I was 275 pounds, looked like hell, and felt even worse. Then like a light switch being flipped on I decided to flip my life around 180 degrees. Since that time I have lost over 50 pounds (with several more to go), I have seen doctors and a dentist and started repairing the damage I did to my body and my self esteem. And I am starting to feel prety damn good about myself again.

To work on the lonlieness part of my life I joined several online dating services. However after sending out over a hundred interest notifications on several different sites and sitting back and waiting for several weeks not a single one replied. This was destroying my newfound self esteem. So I have since cancelled all of these accounts.

Something happened in last several weeks though. I met this woman named Cara. She is single and not seeing anyone, she is 14 years younger than me, has a 4 year old son, and is a co-worker of mine. One day at work while talking with her I started to feel something I hadn't felt in at least 13 years. I had butterflies in my stomach. And of course having taken so much time off from dating and because she is a co-worker I told myself that I should just try and suppress these feelings and move on with my life. It has now been 5 weeks since these feelings first surfaced and I still cannot shake them. Seeing her at work every day makes it hard for me to concentrate on my job.

I have talked with friends, posted on other relationship sites, and spent countless hours conteplating what I should do. I am trying to take their advice and remain friendly with her and hope that someday I will have the courage to ask her out. But at this point I am not sure that I can handle whatever the outcome would be positive or negative. But someday when I feel I can I am sure I will ask her out. I am sure that I could not live the rest of my life not knowing.

If anyone else has had a similar experience or has any words of wisdom I would appreciate hearing from you...

Some days I think I am going to go crazy...

--MJ
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Duke
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Joined: 06 Nov 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 12:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm younger & less experienced in love & dating but I honestly think there is any har with asking someone out on a date. Regardless of feelings she may or may not have for you someone asking her out and showing interest would be a compliment to her. I don't know this ladyfriend of yours but having a young child & job probably swamps her life.

I would try not look at this as the hit or miss situation for you "getting back out there". Congrats on your weight loss, that plus the thought of dating again shows that maybe keeping to yourself isn't for you & you may be missing that in your life.

Good luck.
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MarkWA65
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 1:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanx duke... Smile
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MarkWA65
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 1:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was having a really good day today, I actually thought I could see some signs of interest from Cara late last week and this afternoon when speaking with her. Then later in the day today I saw her out for a walk with a younger, better looking, guy from a different department. I just about had a panic attack. Maybee I waited too long. Now I'm not sure what I should do.

--MJ
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MarkWA65
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I spoke with Nick and he assured me they are just friends ... but i also told him that I was interest in her and ... well its been an interesting two days since talking with Nick ... either he told her i'm interested in her or she read a post that I made on one of the several relationship forums that I have made about it. Her body language and signals have definately changed and most definately feel negative. She always looks at people when they speak in the meetings were in together and the past two days she has looked at everyone else when they talk except me. And today she stood with her arms folded, angled away from me, and didn't look at me once.... This doesn't mean I won't talk with her about this soon but it really made me feel down and depressed the past few days.

--MJ
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MarkWA65
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well she heard I was interested in her from someone at work and she confronted the tuesday before our holiday break from work and told me she isn't interested in me but wants to remain friends... I let her know that I would very much like to not loose our friendship over this and that if she every changes her mind that she can feel free to come talk to me about it.

Oh well...

I wanted to stop by and tell everyone how I'm doing ... and to be honest I am doing just fine ... whoever told her did me a big favor ... my xmas break kas been calm and relaxing and although I didn't get what I wanted for xmas I got something far better "peace of mind" ... It is probably for the best ... Thank you all so much for your support

--MJ
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Lauren_Lo
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

dude cheer up. i'm a young, hot girl, and even i get denied here and there. for every 10 guys i go for, about half are interested. so you can't give up yet. you are 0 for 1, but you need that second number to be higher before you are gonna get any results. internet dating seems to work, but maybe you should try something like myspace, where you can view photos and whatnot for free. good luck to you!
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jules_rome
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 4:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

just ask her out, go for it. dont fear anything. if love is what you feel, then let it be love.
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MarkWA65
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually I met a nice woman on eHarmony and after a week or so of messaging via eHarmony I gave her my number and she called. We met in person for lunch friday. I called her today and we are meeting for dinner wednesday evening.

She is a really nice woman, 38, divorced 10years, 14yo son. Overall as looks go she is prety average and has a few extra pounds on her which I knew that from the pics on her profile even before I sent my first communication. She has a real cute factor going on and I could feel a definate connection especially when she smiles or laughs Smile

As far as Cara goes. Well I have seen her more and more frequently with Nick and because I can see her condo from my appt I know that he has spent alot of time there. I am happy for her that she may finally have found someone and really do hope that things work out for them.

Thanx for your support

--MJ
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herrrazor
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mark, don't concern yourself with Cara anymore. I'm glad you found someone. I'm a little concerned about you even mentioning that your new ladyfriend is average-looking with a few extra pounds. Even if it is true, you mentioning it kinda suggests that you're very concentrated on how she looks. If that's how you feel, there's nothing wrong with that, but that means there aren't enough positives to overshadow her average (or less than average) looks for you. If that's the case, keep looking, my friend.

In the meantime, keep focusing on your self-improvement! Sounds like you're doing great so far. I've lost 75 lbs before, so I know that losing as much weight as you've lost is no easy task. Hats off to you for your victory. Keep it up! And isolating yourself the way you does come with the price of lowered self-esteem. It wouldn't hurt to listen to some life coaches and motivational speakers. Some are full of it, but some are really good. Check out "The Secret" and pretty much anything by Anthony Robbins for starters (if you're not doing that already)
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kateashley81
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Joined: 26 Feb 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 11:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Mark,

Can definitely identify with all the hard work you've put into yourself and the ups and downs that follow such a massive change.Congratulations, especially in moving past Cara's rejection.I agree with the above poster who sensed maybe you are not really satisfied with your current gf. I went through a similar experience myself and my advice is to never settle no m atter how nice and sweet or cute a person is.I believe true compatibility and attraction is worth the search and time involved.Keep up with the online sites, they are a great tool.Good luck!
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hannibal
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:548992059c="MarkWA65"]As far as Cara goes. Well I have seen her more and more frequently with Nick and because [b:548992059c][u:548992059c][i:548992059c]I can see her condo from my appt[/i:548992059c][/u:548992059c][/b:548992059c] I know that he has spent alot of time there.[/quote:548992059c]
Was I the only person really disturbed by that part of his post?
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