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please help me :'[

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Joined: 28 May 2007
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2007 10:31 pm    Post subject: please help me :'[ Reply with quote

Hi my names Andy and i'm 22 and i'm from England. Just under two years ago i met someone called Jen from New York on the internet, and for 7 months we have been in an online relationship. She broke up with me 2 days ago and i'm completely heartbroken beyond belief. I'm in love with her more than anything and i care about her more than anyone. I'll write down everything but i'll first mention that we aren't a typical internet relationship. We are both very unshallow people and up until 2 days ago she told me honestly that she was in love with me and that she wanted to live with me in the future and was prepared to wait until we could be together she's only 16/almost 17 which makes things harder than two people who could very easily start the change from things on the internet to in person. We didn't meet each other during this time but had planned to later this year. 95% of our relationship was talking to each other on the internet (myspace) and she always said that it was enoughfor her, we didn't speak on the phone, we'd obviously shared pictures of each other although i hadn't shared that many but she said my apperance wasn't important to her. i admit i wasn't good enough for her and i got complacent and should have done everything i could as soon as i realized i was in love with her, but i was scared and admitably lazy, but i didn't do anything majorly wrong.. i.e cheat on her or not love/trust her etc.
the message she sent to was
[quote:eb5e7ebcb1]andy, i don't think you're an asshole like what you said in your other message. if i were to give us a second chance, i'm not sure my entire heart would be in it. and that wouldn't be fair to either one of us. at this point, i just don't think i want to be in a relationship, with you or any one. i need a break. i'm sorry[/quote:eb5e7ebcb1]
i had to beg her to talk to me more after this and when we did all she could say was she was not in love with me anymore and she didn't know why.
after this i sent her message after message, i said whatever i could without going as far to beg her to love me again. i couldn't write down here how bad i feel, heartbroken, depression, sadness.. none of these come close to how bad i feel right now. so i need to do everything to try and salvage things. as i said i sent her message after message saying i will do whatever she wants and she replied with
[quote:eb5e7ebcb1]look, i haven't been blatantly ignoring you because i don't care about you, it's the very opposite. i've been worrying about you all night. i even lost my appetite so my parents think i'm going through one of those crash diets again lol.
and i genuinely miss you.
and i didn't want to read your messages because i know i hurt you and i'm sorry. and i can't decide if i made the right choice or not.
my father recently made every saturday a movie night. which was a good effort, but a stupid idea because everyone stays in their room and refuses to come down. so last night i was stuck with my dad, watching some cheesy new age romance/ comedy. and i kept playing out the main characters as you and me.
and when i sign my artwork, i still accidentally sign it with your last name. so if you want to know if i still think of you romantically, i do. and if it's only been a day and i miss you this much, then maybe i did make the wrong choice.
i don't know if i'm in love with you; i'm still very confused about that. maybe i was being too stubborn to let myself think otherwise. but i know that i love you more than just a friend.
maybe it's worth giving a second chance, if you'll still have me. [/quote:eb5e7ebcb1]
as i said i begged her to not give up and told her i was heartbroken and not sure if i could go on being this upset, so i would have put a lot of pressure on her... she now said she doesn't know if she's in love with me or not and is still confused. people have said to me, you know if you are in love or not and there's no sure about it, but as i said our circumstances are different from a normal relationship, she is a mature, kind, very smart girl and she was genuinely in love with me at a time not too long ago.
it's so hard for me to try and continue with her but i honestly can't do anything but try because of how in love with her i am.
the last message from her i have is from today saying
[quote:eb5e7ebcb1]i'm still not sure if i'm love with you. i know i was, but i don't feel the same anymore. regardless of the problems we've had along the way, i do believe you loved me enough in the past. but now, it's not enough to make me feel any different.
if you want us to take a second chance, i'm willing to, and maybe things will change. but then you have to realize, that maybe they won't.
i'm not at school. I have off because of memorial day. but i'm still at my friend sarah's house. we didn't come back until early this morning from the city, so she's still sleeping and i'm going back to sleep soon. i told her we'd be hanging out again today, but i think i should be home before 8, or at least i'll try to be
if you want us to give our relationship a second chance, then let's take things slow. i need time [/quote:eb5e7ebcb1]
for me this was less assuring than the previous message, words like"willing to" instead of "wanting to" gave me doubts that maybe she's only saying she's willing to give things another chance because of how much i've pressured her, and even if that's true i can accept it.. but barley. and i told her i hope beyond my wildest dreams she's not just stringing me along with full intent to end things later. i know she knows i'm in love with her and care about her most in the world, so it's all her feelings, we argued a lot, i tried to force a whole "we must be honest" thing out of not dealing with being there with her well. i KNOW she's angry at me so i hope anger could have clouded her mind. i'm going to give her time but try my best to recover our relationship.

there's so much more i could of said but please give me hope or any opinions :'[
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 350
Location: USA

PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 12:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wouldn't send her anymore "begging" messages for a little bit. She is unsure of her feelings for you & really that's natural at both of your ages. Give her some time to relax, sit back & think about her feelings for you. You sending her message after message isn't going to help her along, it will only put more pressure on her. She might even say "forget it" because you are pushing her too much.

I know it's hard because you love her, but you need to give her some time alone to think things through.
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Joined: 28 May 2007
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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 3:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thank you, i know what you say makes sense to me. i just panicked so much and thought that time could work the other way and make it easier for her to grow apart from me... i guess it could, but still i know you're right.
i'm very sure none of this is because she's young and wants to experience other guys which comes into my head as something people may think. she's had 2 major relationships and they both ended badly for her and i know she knows i'm a million times nicer than those guys. but over the past 2 or 3 weeks i've been through a hard time and i acted cold with her and we didn't talk much at all and when we did i would have nothing to say and end up signing off saying to her "i don't have anything to talk about, i'm going to watch tv or something, ta ta<3" which seems so unlike me when i look back on it, but i've explained how sorry i was to her fully. our relationship has been very open, we would tell each other nearly anything, i know i'm a much more open person than she is but i know she's just a person who finds that harder than me and can't help it. and she was open with me more than anyone she knows probably, even her family. i've only spoken to her on the phone twice before, we would tell each other we loved each other all the time on the internet. but i know she wanted to speak to me on the phone during our relationship too but... i've never been good on the phone lol so we only spoke twice. and i tried to call her yesterday just to say i loved her and hang up but no one was home, and mentioned to her i called and said i was sorry and that maybe it was wrong to do that, but she didn't say i shouldn't of. and i told her we could take a week apart from talking if she wanted to and she said
[quote:65ef8b9817]sorry, there was no one really home today to pick up the phone. i don't know how to respond to a lot of your messages. but, a part of me really wants to make things work, and then other times, i'm just confused. and i think i need that week to think about things. i'll come online after school tomorrow. goodnight [/quote:65ef8b9817]

so i don't think there's anything more i can do Crying or Very sad

at the moment i think the most i could hope for is for her to say she is still in love with me, or at least a bit if that's possible. but i can't fool myself i know it's not likely. if not i still can't give up. we fell in love with each other simply through talking to each other practically through a keyboard everyday, and sending each other letters and mail and seeing pictures of each other. that's all we could do and we managed to fall in love so i know we have something very special because how many people fall in love not in person? and if it comes to the worst that she fell out of love with me, as much as it hurts i'll still need to try. if we get back to the stage where we both want to meet each other again i can at least hope that if we meet it could spark something, or create something new if that makes sense
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Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Posts: 17
Location: st paul minnesota ,usa

PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 4:21 pm    Post subject: i believe this will help you also Reply with quote

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