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Urgent! Im really torn apart...

 
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ck888
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Joined: 27 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 4:39 pm    Post subject: Urgent! Im really torn apart... Reply with quote

first of all, let me give you a short background of myself. Im only 22 years old..I've always been very ideal, came from a good family, a good Catholic. I get really good grades too back then. Ive graduated already but currently has no work coz im back to studying a second course. Im currently in a relationship. Well, here's my dilemma...

i met this rich chinese guy, about the same age as i am. i am his first gf. he's my second. For the first six months he was very sweet, loving and protective...we always go on trips with his family...all i knew was that he loved me very much and i love him the same way...then one day he asked if we could make love...i was a virgin that time and since i thought of him as my one true love...i gave in..foolish of me..oh well... so then even before our first year anniversary, he started to change...

he now yells at me even to my littlest faults...he notices and critizes my every move...he sometimes complains about the way i dress..although he may only sound protective..i have no clue..there even came a point when he tried to punch me but stopped when i told him im going to sue him if he continued...there was even a time when he tried to twist my hand just because i wont let him check my phone.

our relationship was on and off..but the problem with me was that i kept on accepting him even if he yells at me...calls me bitch, piece of shit, says fxxk off...calls me his maid in a joking manner etc..and out of pain and anger, i cursed him back even more..i even slapped him

but im not the only one he treats this way..he's been like that to his sister and even to his parents..his parents told me to just be patient with him..he had a history of violence too...he stabbed his older brother on the leg because of rage when he was a teenager.

i know i need to get out...but the problem is with me...im so confused because at one hand i know he loves me so much, only when i dont irritate him...just like now, im still happy although there wouldnt be a day that he wont call me stupid or yelled at me coz i did something wrong...and the other is that i fear of feeling the same pain i had with my first boyfriend although the relationshp lasted only 7 months and were good friends now...

there are actually more reasons to break up with him...but i forgave him already...all i could remember was that he posted something in a men's magazine that says: "can i get the number of any available female model that i can go to bed with"...he already admitted this and he said nothing bad happened...

again, one of my biggest problems too is i cant control my anger or my emotions when we have arguments...i kept on texting him..i send him like a hundred messages a day and kept on calling without control until he answers...

because of this...i cheated on him twice..i secretly dated my ex twice and ive seen two of my good guy friends and went on a date with them without telling my bf

im so messed up...i felt like i cant leave him coz of three reasons
1. he got my virginity
2. he was the only one who keeps on coming back even if im so irritable and keep on texting till i get what i want
3. we act like were married. i see him everyday. his family is close to me..i will feel so depressed if i dont get to see him..i feel so dependent!

i lost my self respect and dignity...one time i even went to his house...went up to his room and knocked on his door crying very loudly just for him to accept me again..

i dont know what to do..please help...i[/quote]
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everfallingrainx3
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Joined: 28 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

okays i might not have a lot of experience in love, but in my opinion you need to leaveeee him. i see why you cant leave him but seriously if he is physically and verbally abusing you like that, you dont deserve it and he doesnt deserve you. think about it.
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nnkyouyama@yahoo.com
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Joined: 06 Nov 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with everfallingrainx3.

But before anything else, here's something for you to think:

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[quote:4d26773b64]im so confused because at one hand i know he loves me so much, only when i dont irritate him...[/quote:4d26773b64]

Does he really love you?
Can you love a person only when s/he doesn't irritate you?

[quote:4d26773b64]he now yells at me even to my littlest faults......there was even a time when he tried to twist my hand just because i wont let him check my phone.
[/quote:4d26773b64]

You're not even married and he's already like that. What will happen to you after you're married?
What about your future kids?

[quote:4d26773b64]he had a history of violence too...he stabbed his older brother on the leg because of rage when he was a teenager.[/quote:4d26773b64]

Do you want to be stabbed in the future in case he lost control again?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


And here are my 3 reasons.

1.
Don't worry about your virginity.
When you meet the person who truly loves you, he will not care about your virginity.

2.
The reason he wants you back?
This is just what I think:
[i:4d26773b64]He just wants a girl he can easily manipulate.
or:
[quote:4d26773b64]he yells at me...calls me bitch, piece of shit, says fxxk off...[b:4d26773b64]calls me his maid[/b:4d26773b64] in a joking manner [/quote:4d26773b64][/i:4d26773b64]
[i:4d26773b64]or
He needs to have a wife for [b:4d26773b64]his[/b:4d26773b64] and his family's reputation.[/i:4d26773b64]

3.
Don't be afraid of leaving him. Breaking up is never easy.
But I believe that you'll still be able to move on.
You're still very young(22).


*************************************************************

[quote:4d26773b64]i know i need to get out...[/quote:4d26773b64]

[b:4d26773b64]And I think that's what you should do.
Because everything should start from you.
Do you think his love for you is true?
Seems like he only makes you blue.

Don't be scared. Don't worry.
Though you may sometime be lonely.
One day you won't be sorry.
Coz you'll meet him that loves you truly.
I'm sure coz you're so lovely.
To be able to love so blindly.[/b:4d26773b64]


*************************************************************

Good luck with you're decision girl!
Whatever happens, God is with you always!
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crunchyroll
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Joined: 05 Nov 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 10:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think you may need to back off alittle.
You say he yells but maybe you are causing him to.
I know if I had a guy hounding me I would yell.
And once they get away with yelling once, they think
they can always do it because they got away with it before.
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ck888
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 3:21 pm    Post subject: ... Reply with quote

thanks for replying...
its been more than a week and we havent fought..im still not out of the relationship..i maybe stupid but as of now he has been showing how much he wants to change..i dont know if this one is for good...but anyway, i just wanna ask again coz i had this experience with him before..there was a time we fought in front of boyfriend's mom. While we were cursing each other, suddenly he involved my mother and called her a bitch for no reason during our fight. He said he's not afraid to confront my mom and tell her how stupid she is for having me. My mom was in another place that time. She had no idea what was going on. I was just about to call her and tell my mom how badly i needed to leave his place because of what happened but my boyfriend's mother stopped me from doing so. She even told me that I shouldn't be calling my own mom and inform her of what happened because it would only ruin two families. Well, i know she was protecting the reputation of his son and family. All the time, she was kind to me..but was this right? should i really keep it to myself? Was I wrong to call my mom and tell her that my boyfriend was telling all those bad things to me and to her?
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angel_aj
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Joined: 19 Nov 2007
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Location: Nigeria

PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 11:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i have just a word for you.you need jesus in your life.because with him you will find your true potiential.
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