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Fell in love with soon to be father in Boston...

 
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kuddlebug1025
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 10:48 pm    Post subject: Fell in love with soon to be father in Boston... Reply with quote

My name is Kara and I have met someone online back in March sometime. We just started out talking about random things. We found that we had a lot in common. The connection that we have is so strong that I tried to cut things off with him early on because I could feel my feelings developing and his were too and I had a boyfriend already.

Anyway, all summer we talked and are feelings got more and more deep. We ended up talking on the phone all the time and I would write him at his work. We would write each other everyday, all day, and we would never run out of things to talk about. I really wanted to meet him in person and he said that he would be willing to do anything to make things work between us, even moving to Maryland. I couldn’t help but fall in love with this guy from Boston, who we will call Dave. Dave admitted to me that he loved me and would never let me forget it. My love was starting to blossom for him.

I broke up with my boyfriend and I admitted to Dave that I loved him. It just felt right to be with him and to want to be with him. He has become such a huge part of my life. My favorite baseball team soon switched to the Red Sox and I would gloat to my friends about this guy in Boston who does this and does that. Well anyway...Tuesday morning he told me that he couldn’t talk to me anymore. I immediately felt sick on my stomach. I asked why and he said that he wanted to talk about it later. He was at work and didn’t want to get into it. I was so confused because the night before he said how he would marry me the next day if that is what I wanted. So I told him to tell me what is wrong. Apparently back in June, before his feelings really deepened for me…he hooked up with this girl that is a friend of a friend and she knocked on his door the night before and told him that she is pregnant. She swears that it is his child, therefore, he says that he has to try to make it work. I felt sick and could barely breathe when he told me this. The whole day I cried. I even ended up on the floor of my dorm room bathroom hovering over a toilet because I felt sick with the thought of not talking to him. I understand that he has to try to make it work and own up and be a man. But I just cannot help but be upset that the one thing in my life that feels right has to be taken away. I think about him and “Sara” having a life together and I get sick because I know that isn’t what he wants.

The next night he told her about me and she got really upset. She said “how can you love her? Don’t you want to be with the mother of your child?” She asked to stay the night and he said “absolutely not”. He told her that he is going to need time to get over me. She left pissed off. The next day they had dinner and he accidentally called her by my name. She told him “If you ever call me that again, I will leave and you will never be able to see your child”. This girl is just not what he wants and he has told me that. I respect that he wants to try to make it work with her but it is killing me. The whole time during our relationship I was the one who said “I cant start a relationship with you because of my bf and what not” and now when I am willing to do so…it gets ruined. I am not mad at him because things like that happen but the whole day Tuesday I cried more than any other day. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Wednesday was spent wondering when the time was going to come where he would say “Okay…I really cannot talk to you anymore because I need to try and make this work”. Finally, on Friday we called it an end. I love Dave. I love him so much that I would wait for him to figure out his relationship with Sara. Saturday I left my college and went home for the weekend to try to clear my head and it didn’t work. I hadn’t sleep well for nights and ate little to nothing.

Everything I saw reminded me of him. I talked with my sister about him but she doesn’t really give me any feedback. Saturday night he signed onto the net and he wrote me that “Kara this isn’t working out”. Apparently, his parents came over and they all had dinner and he says that she was so rude. She was talking about how she “roped” him in! It crushed me to hear him say that. He says that Saturday was a tough day for him and he cannot cut me out completely. He says that I am what he wants and that he needs to make us work because his relationship with Sara is not going well. He said that we could talk on the internet, but no emails or phone calls, just instant messaging. I agreed because the thought of not talking to him at all doesn’t feel right. He needs to at least try to make it work for his child’s sake, but it just doesn’t feel right not to be with him. He says he is going to talk to Sara about her attitude at dinner with his parents. He deserves the best there is because he has been through a lot and is just such a great guy. God help me if I find out that she is treating him awful because he deserves so much more.

I am just upset over all of this…I know it isn’t anyone’s fault or anything I can do about it now but I don’t want to give up on him. He says for me to move on but he says that if things don’t work out between him and Sara, which they aren’t looking to good, he will be running to me. I don’t like being “second place” but then again what can I do? I told him I will not wait forever because people and situations change but I want to wait for a while. I just need help and guidance on how I should handle this. I want to meet him. I want to do everything we talked about. I just need to know if I am crazy for falling in love with him? He says that he knows him and I are meant to be... Please help…
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dave should have used something. If I was Dave, after the baby is born, I would go get a DNA test done, and do it without the girl knowing it.
I have seen so many men loving a child, thinking it's his and come to find out it isn't. People should use something, it's sad to be with someone you really don't want to be with, and even more sad for the child.
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kuddlebug1025
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

He did use a condom...I dont know if she was on birth control but he did use a condom. This is just all really hard for me. I think about him and everything we were planning to do and my heart melts. Am I crazy for falling for someone i never met? I am a rational person and I never really believed that one could fall in love other the internet...let alone never meeting them. But he did use a condom and I think he should get a test done.
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mama
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If he used a condom, then she cannot be pregnan of him. DNA tests can be done using the water, even while she is pregnant. He should crave that officialy.
i think that the girl lie, it sounds like that to me.
All her attitude shopws it, she was just after someone ot give th eblame onto. And look how she went tobed with him, just after having meet him, she just knock on his door uninvited! doesn it sounds weird? Maybe sh was already pregnant before sleeping with him, and did so, to can blame it on him.
if not, who knows how mnay more guys she sleep with and knock at the door of since she was with him.
Brandon is right, get him to make a DNA test, and don twait until after the baby is born do it now.
They didnt had a relationship togther, she cant blame him for that pregnacy, and he was wearing a condom, so my guess is, thats a bluff. She isnt pregnant of him.
Legaly, her clame has no hold. And he is entirely in his right to crave a DNA test immedialty.
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kuddlebug1025
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am going to try to make him get a test. They knew each other for three years before sleeping with each other. But i guess they randomly hooked up in June. The baby is due in February so i doubt that she randomly hooked up with Dave just to say the baby was his. girls do get pregnant even though a girl wears a condom though...i dont know. i just need to get him to take a test i guess
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mama
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The water in which the baby swim contain urin from th ebaby and therefor is used to make DNS test.
Thats also how they found out if there is DNA failure on baby, or illness transmitted by the parents, who are dangerous.
All this story is unbelievable, and her arrogant behaviour is way out of line.
How can she go around like if she own the place when she got pregnant that way? She should respect the guy and not take is as so obvious that she can clame him. He isnt obliged to go around with her until the bayb is htere, but first until the baby s fatherhood has been confirmed. My advice is that he cease contact with her completely, and crave that DNA test done immedialty.
She is breaking his life and dont care about him at all. What did she want? that they get married cause she got pregnant not even knowing hiom and him her?
It deosnt go. Tell him to get a lawyer immediatly and to arrange for an official DNA test. that way he will be sure.
i wont be surprised to see her refuse to do so.. but she wil have to.
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mama
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:671789f31a="kuddlebug1025"]I am going to try to make him get a test. They knew each other for three years before sleeping with each other. But i guess they randomly hooked up in June. The baby is due in February so i doubt that she randomly hooked up with Dave just to say the baby was his. girls do get pregnant even though a girl wears a condom though...i dont know. i just need to get him to take a test i guess[/quote:671789f31a]

so she was his gf? how come they werent living together?
She has been pregnant over 3 months and she only come with it now?
thats also weird specialy if they knew each other for so long.
But if they were together in june and the baby is due for february, then she got pregnant the month before..
9 months will be mars 2008 and not february..
you wrote he got hooked up on her a friend of a friend in june, but then how could they have known each others for 3 years?
If they werent involved as bf gf, in those 3 years then it is still the same.
She cant just noc at his door and 3 months later say she is pregnat of him, cause the limit for abortion is 3 months.. so she managed it well, dont oyu think?
its a lie, she sleep with him while pregnant of one month.
He need to get a water test done.
This story doesnt sounds right.
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kuddlebug1025
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

They knew each other as a friend of a friend for three years but they randomly hooked up in the beginning of June or end of May. She says she was going to get an abortion but she decided against it after talking to her mother. Her mother said that if she knows who the father is then she should tell him. They go Tuesday to see if it is a boy or girl. I should convince him to get a test done i suppose.
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mama
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

NO, NOT YOU SUPPOSE, BUT FOR SURE.
This is too serious and the sooner this get straighten up, the better.
When she go there ot found out about th ebaby gender, he should ask for a DNA test, or even call the doc who is going to do the scanning to prepare to do so.
It doesnt crave to be sedated to do so.
The results of the test will be ready a couple of days later or even before.
There is no reaossn for him to wait.
ow old is this girl? oyu said her mum told her.. does she live with her mum?!! Shocked
They didnt had a relationship so it is all weird.
First date and not even a date she just go to his place uninvited.. and get. pregnant?
hmm. does it sounds reliable to you? not to me.
Everything is possible but this add to that and the fact that he used a condom only show that there is something mushy about the story.
Contact him straight away and tell him to get a water test.
it has a special name dont rememebr it. he can ask the gynecologist who is going to do the scaning.
She cant refuse, its his right to do so.
I think he is a bit too soft and easy to get taken by the noze, i odnt know much guy who will have just let it pass like that and invited her for dinner with his parents..
She knew he was like that, and thougth hmm good lemon, lets make him wear the hat for that one.
Send him an email or phone him. This is too serious and involving you both and your future.
he has to know for sure.
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mama
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 1:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am sorry for oyu this must be really hard on you. What a heart breakign story you came up with!
It must be real hard for you both. He cant just close the door of his heart because he must do this and that, liek call on duty. It will not go well, he cant marry someone he do not love at all. It doenst go. If knowing each other for 3 years they never hooked up with each others, that can only mena that none of them were interested romanticaly in the other.. so a ring wont change that and it will be a desastrous marriage, with short term living..
Lets hope it isnt his, and if it is, he has to follow his heart and be wiht oyu and send allimony for the child and see the child as much he can, but all in all if he is hte father this will be sad, wether he get married or not, specialy for the baby. He is very responsible to take it so seriosuly and to be ready to engage so fast on that basis, it proves that he is a real good man..
But honnestly i hope for oyu and him and for the child that he isnt the real father.
Living in a home without love is never good for the kids.
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