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I wish things were different....

 
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Urmila
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:05 pm    Post subject: I wish things were different.... Reply with quote

My boyfriend and I have been dating for several years, and throughout those years it's been a long distance relationship. It's been six years so far. Our relationship is fine, and it's his one or two of his friends that are a problem in our relationship. For four years I have been trying to explain to my boyfriend that one of his friends, who happens to be a girl, has strong feelings for him.

I've had his own friend come and tell me that she likes him as more than a friend, which he denied. His friends also have happened to slip out of that clique. We discussed the issue about her and he temporarily stopped talking to her. When I did move into his city for an year, my boyfriend got into an accident, and we would see this girl everyday at the hospital. She tried her best to be friends with me during the hospital, which was strange because a couple months before when she did see me around she totally ignored me. He didn't mind having her at the hospital, and explained to me she just wants to be there for me, I went along with his story and gave her a chance.

After that one year I was back at my hometown. That's when she moved in with my boyfriend's brother and wife, and got closer to the family. My boyfriend's parents thought she was an amazing person, whereas his brother and wife began to dislike her. On and on it went with her trying to get closer, and me discussing these issues with my boyfriend, and he slowly began to understand. One day he wanted to buy a gift for his "guy" friends with her, I thought he understood the problem that I had with her but when he told me this I started up again. He didn't understand at the extent that I did. The same day, I sat on my computer and I was thinking about this whole dilemna. Sadly enough, I went to her hotmail, to discover that her secret question was "What is the name of my spouse" thinking that my boyfriend's name wouldn't work, and taking it as a joke, I put his name in, I was astonished to find that it did go through. I was able to access her inbox, but found. Feeling extremely angry and betrayed by her, who at the time was also a friend of mine, I went straight to the city which he was living in. I was able to find her because she lived with my boyfriend's brother, I had a talk with her, and she completely denied it, and just started screaming out of nowhere. In astonishment, and bewilderment, I slapped her. Honestly, I don't even remember my hand rising to hit, I was just as shocked as she was.

I guess the part that hurt me the most was because she stayed over for a week at boyfriend's family's place when she first went to the city, and at the time according to when she had the hotmail account she had the feelings towards. At the time me and my boyfriend were going out. So for me it's like how could you have had feelings and knew he had a girlfriend and still took his generosity to move in? Meanwhile, your bestfriend is moving into the city at the same time, but you don't move in with her. Like sounds like the most craziest stories you guys have ever read. But he thought of her as his best friend at the time!

After this situation at times I feel like she did deserve the slap, other times I feel bad for slapping her. She was a good family friend to his family, because she lived with the older brother. Sometimes I think to myself why did I allow my boyfriend to let it go this far? I think about everything and I wonder have I done something wrong by taking this on my own shoulders and going straight to her to discuss it with her? I simply confused with all of this drama that I've gone through.
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abs260
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 3:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think in every relationship their is that girl that ye are afraid of.
My ex never liked one of my friends , She taught that she had a different agenda when it came to me, I did not see it but out of love for her i stopped talking to my friend and hanging with her even tho i have known jher years, I think if he really lves you he will distance himself from her,

Or he should, turns out tho my ex was right sh had a different agenda ad she told me this when m an my ex finished, i never hve nor will ever like this girl but women have this gut feling i think about that kinda suff, but you must remember that most men are stupidly blind when it comes to things like that,
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

She could have very well forgotten to take off that secret question. I have accounts I had to start & because I have had them a long time, the questions don't really apply anymore, but at that time I opened them, they did.

What has you boyfriend said about you confronting her & the slap you gave her? How did she react?

There are 2 ways that you can take things, you can take her side of saying, no she has no feelings for him anymore. OR You can take that secret question & think she still cares for your boyfriend. BTW...was there anything else MORE in her email that you saw that would solidfy you knowing FOR SURE that she still loves him? Like emails to others about how she loves him, etc.? If there wasn't & that secret question was the only thing, then maybe she could very well be telling you the truth.
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Urmila
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well the evidence that I had was my own boyfriend telling me my gut feeling was right...and her roommate told me as well...but then I gave her a chance and became friends with her...only to find out when I went back to my hometown she was still trying...and he told me this himself. When he wanted to buy the gift with her for one of his friends, after he told me all of this, I was angry. The thing that bugs me the most is I gave her so many chances only to find out she didn't just have a CRUSH on him..she thought of him as a SPOUSE...which is soo much more...how do you think about someone as a spouse without having strong feelings for that person. Him and I have completely stopped talking to her, it's my guilty conscience bothering me for hitting her. Although as a girl I know what she did was wrong, I'm just not the abusive type, so hitting her just bothers me.
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Urmila
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He was shocked and at first he was angry with me, and now he's like you know what anyone in your position would have done the same so dont feel bad. When I slapped her my boyfriend grabbed me, and I turned around and she disappeared. Then I tried to call her and she didn't pick up, and I left a message, that's when she answered, I told her I wanted to speak to her. That day nothing got solved. But the next day I received an e-mail from her explaining that she had no feelings, and he was just a good friend. She also mentioned that she knows were like a married couple. I know she's not a horrible person, I thought of her as a good friend. It just bugs me that she thought if him in such a way, and was always around him, cause he didn't think nothing of her. It's like she took advantage of his generosity.
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Urmila
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Has anyone ever gone through a similar problem?
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:5e57a9fa09="abs260"]I think in every relationship their is that girl that ye are afraid of.
My ex never liked one of my friends , She taught that she had a different agenda when it came to me, I did not see it but out of love for her i stopped talking to my friend and hanging with her even tho i have known jher years, I think if he really lves you he will distance himself from her,

Or he should, turns out tho my ex was right sh had a different agenda ad she told me this when m an my ex finished, i never hve nor will ever like this girl but women have this gut feling i think about that kinda suff, but you must remember that most men are stupidly blind when it comes to things like that,[/quote:5e57a9fa09]

You are so damn right on that, mate. When I was dating my gf (ex now), she got mad because this one girl would keep trying to lean over so I can look down her shirt. I didn't really see this at the time, but she was trying big time for me. I didn't see this until after my gf and I broke up. When she knew we had broken up, she tried to make a big move on me, if you know what I mean. It didn't work. My gf and I are trying to work things out, but it is hard for her. She can't stand other girls and what they do and say to me. I told her.. I can't help what others do..I can only help what I do.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've never been in a situation like you have been.

It does now more sound like she did take advantage of your boyfriend. She wanted to be near him so she lied to you both about her feelings for him.

It's good that you both have dropped her off your friend list. She's not a very nice person & also not a good friend at all to either one of you.
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