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love hurts....
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v33_n0d3
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:46 am    Post subject: love hurts.... Reply with quote

For over two years, we have been really close. We never really got into a relationship because neither of us made a move at first, until I took the chance. I'm head over heels in love, and everything I can sense off of her tells me she feels the same way. Our bond is extremely close. Chemistry between us is very powerful. I feel like she's the other half of my spirit, and she told me the same thing right back. We were talking and hanging out every single day... for hours. Phone conversations carried on for over 4 hours sometimes. We really loved being together. We left our responsibilities behind, didn't show up for work, left homework undone, lied to our parents and ditched our other friends, just to be together.

A little while ago, she shut me out because I did a few things I shouldn't have, like forcefully trying to kiss her once, which failed. I was only trying to get a relationship under way. After that, she'd push me off when I tried to give her a friendly hug, and always sat or walked pretty far away from me when we hung out. I was pretty hurt and aggravated, so I called it quits. Told her to never call me again in a rude fashion. She called me after 2 weeks, crying her little eyes out. I did the only thing that came to my mind at that moment. I asked her out for some ice cream. We just did our usual thing, talk about everything besides our relationship. Later on, I parked in front of her building and brought up our relationship. For about 20 minutes, I just poured my heart out to her. I forced every single emotion into words while she just sat there with little tears on her cheeks. After I was done, we just stared at eachother for a little while and kissed for our very first time. Then we just sat there with her sitting on my lap, her arms wrapped around me, just kissing. For about 15 minutes, it was nothing but passion. Neither of us said a word, until it was time for her to go.

Though we never really declared anything, we became lovers after that night. We were very intimate, wild and sexy with eachother. Kissing every other second, sex, holding hands, romantic outings and everything else lovers do. Those were the best times of my life. I never really felt like that with anyone before. Until one day she ended it very abruptly. I honestly had no clue why, and she never really told me anything. I was scared it might be another guy, but that wasn't the case. Not according to her best friends, or her herself. She would never lie to me about anything, but she never told me what I needed to hear. She's definitely not a little slut, and I made her promise to never show me any pity. What she did was from her heart, that I know for a fact. For almost a month, she kept everything under wraps. Sure, we were still talking all the time, hugging and giving little pecks on the cheek after that, but it was just not the same. An eerie atmosphere had taken place between us. I could sense she wasn't comfortable at all, and I was always scared of doing something wrong accidentally.

The intensity was just building and building between us, until things really got out of hand. Fierce arguments, degredations, insults and whatnot. She really took things to the next level when she purposely started flirting very wildly with other men in front of me. Her intentions were to hurt me. Not only did she hurt me very deeply, but she hurt herself, and laid waste to the friendship and trust that we created over those few years. In spite of everything, I still loved her from the bottom of my heart, and she loved me too. Hiding it wasn't possible either. It was just too powerful.

On her birthday, I took her out to a nice classy restaurant, and surprised her with a white gold/diamond heart necklace. I never saw her so happy, and it had been far too long since we held eachother in that way. I gave her a choice, which was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I told her that either we get serious, or let it all go, and let eachother go. She chose the highway, something that I wasn't expecting. I put my hands on her chest, held up the necklace and told her this, exactly the way I'm writing it, "... take this with you. Know that I'll always love you, and you'll have a place in my heart until it stops beating." Last words she said before she got out was, "I love you..." with little teardrops running down her cheeks. I never even got to kiss her that night...




It's been almost a month since then, and I'm not over it. If anything, it's gotten much worse for both of us. I can barely sleep, and when I do, I see her in my dreams almost every time. I can't help but think about her all the time. Her best friend always tells me that she misses me like crazy, is always upset, cries a lot and never stops talking about me. Her myspace is swamped with love/heartbreak poems and songs. She's been trying to get back into contact lately via text message, sending me pictures of us together with subjects like, "I miss you..." and "I love you." I really don't know what to say to her anymore.

Someone please, tell me what I should do. I love her too much. Nothing feels right without her by my side. I can't live without her. It's tearing me apart going on without her, and driving me mad seeing her like this.
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 4:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I wouldn't really know what's on her mind... But if she loves you and that you nevertheless love her too, then should you be just giving things up like this? I wouldn't think so...

Now, you were saying that she has been text messaging you lately? So did you reply to her? I believe you misses her just as badly? She definitely deserve to know just how you feel too...

From what I see, things are certainly still possible between the both of you...
Don't just give up, v33_n0d3. Go ask her out sometimes... but remember, don't give her too much of a pressure. Let her feel as comfortable as you can...
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v33_n0d3
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 5:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear scorpio... letting her go is the biggest challenge I've ever faced. I'm afraid I might not be strong enough. I love her so much. I would take a bullet for this girl. I haven't replied to her yet because I honestly don't know what to say to her. I'm sure she knows I miss her just as much, and that I'm going through the same agony that she is.

We go to the same college, and when we see eachother, we try to pretend that the others presence isn't there. The environment is suddenly the edgiest thing we've ever felt. I can feel myself shaking and butterflies in my stomach. I see her walking away as fast as possible in a nervous way. We both just want to drop our books and leap into eachother, but painfully fight off our deepest, most desperate desire.

Thing is, she's immature. I'm sure you can sense it from my story. I can say that she doesn't understand what her own heart is telling her, let alone mine. She's confused, insecure, and has a very cloudy judgement. Reality is that she's never been in love before. I'm her first. She doesn't know exactly what the powerful bond that's holding us both hostage is.

My choices were very limited scorpio. I could either stay with her and wait for a miracle while what was left of my sanity got torn out of me, or let go and try to move on.
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 5:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, you should definitely move on v33_n0d3. But to be moving on, doesn't mean asking you to just give up... Well, you can't be stuck here forever, not knowing what to do right?

Now, when she is already feeling lost... how could you be lost too?

The best of what you should be doing now is to give her a reply, sending some warm wishes or whatever... I am sure she is waiting for it... And then see how things goes? Well, we never know... perhaps after some exchanging of messaging, you guys will very naturally what to be doing next...

In anyway, no point being stuck... doing nothing at all yeah? I know you wouldn't want to be giving it up just so soon too? Wink
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v33_n0d3
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 8:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes scorpio... you're asking me if I'm still in love with her, and want her back. With all of my being, I certainly do. More than ever. I have decided to leave a picture of us from Prom night under her windshield wiper while she's in class, with the words "I love you" written on the back.

Perhaps very limited contact, and never direct is a better idea than calling it off completely. At least until her minds loosens up.
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 1:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's a interesting idea you have got there. Well, there is never any silly idea of expressing yourself...

Hope the picture could bring about some good response Wink
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 5:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello Friend, i read your story, quite a ride... i would never let her go because think about this do you really think you can have those sweet memories with another girl, now scorpio ssays move on, hes is much correct, but listen, if you care so much for her, for her , then your heart is for her n only her, scorpio is being a good smaritan becasue heed doesnt want you to spend you life in despair and desspression..look my friend, go find her you need to sit with her and tell her every single feeling you have for her, including feeling you had when she left... the most hardest thing in the world to fix isa broken heart, i kno im sounding cliche, but you seem like a good man who would stay by you girlfriends side in the face if the devil or even the reaper...to me, finding another girl is just covering up the pain, so find her but dont be a stalker Smile
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 3:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree you should never let here go... you should'nt give up to the ones you truly love
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v33_n0d3
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 7:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all for your responses.

I had sort of a dilemma when I left the picture on her car. Turns out I was so hasty that I forgot to buy a $1 daily parking pass for the schools lot. Naturally, it popped in my mind while I was sitting in class, and I ended up blasting out the door and sprinting to my car to avoid a fat parking citation. But alas, there it was. Big, scary yellow envelope with the words "PARKING TICKET" written on it. And inside? A note from my lover...... "I love you sooooo much too! I wanna give you the biggest hug ever. PS: I really miss you!" Either she put that envelope on my windshield as a counter to get the security off my case, OR she took my citation and plans on paying it off. Only way to find out is call her.... Question
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 1:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now, isn't that a nice parking ticket? Wink

Hmmm...? Well, to be calling her is definitely not a bad idea. I should suppose it is only just a matter of time when you have to be calling her again (if you ever want her back...) But make sure you won't be tongue tied, ending up only talking "rubbish"?

But no matter what... now is definitely not the time to act cool. You have to response to her in someway... I am sure she is waiting to hear from you... if you find it uncomfortable to be calling her, then at the very least drop her a text message, telling her just how much you miss her to... Wink
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 4:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, you should go see her, this can be a chance or you to get back
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v33_n0d3
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 12:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

She really WANTS to get back. I'm the edgy one because from my experience, we're not very compatible on an emotional level. I'm a Scorpio... all about heart and passion. She's Libra... pure mind and logic.

Anyway, I send her a text, asking about the citation. She didn't say much about it. Just nailed a date for tonight... which I wasn't about to turn down. I mean, it is my birthday today after all. She wants to take me out, I'll let her take me out.
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v33_n0d3
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok... so we went out. Talked for the first time in a month. She got me a Coach wallet for my birthday. It was an inside joke between us in our prime: I'd walk into the Coach store and stare at the wallets. Purpose of that was to take a long time and get on her nerves in a friendly sense. She blew the lid open with the wallet... heh.

So, following the wallet was a long hug and a big kiss. Then we just talked about our lives since the break. She's so much more miserable than I imagined. Poured her heart out to me. I found out she cant be open and fun with anyone, at all. She tried to act the way we were around other people, but they just treated her badly. She cries day and night. On her birthday party, people asked about me non-stop. She flipped out eventually and cried the rest of the night in her room.... alone, while everyone else partied. How f***ed up was that? I asked her if she still has the necklace I gave her. She had it on, and told me it never came off her neck.

Then, well. We ended up kissing for the next half hour or so. She was hesitant, because she had a bad case of the flu. I didn't care. I just wanted to feel her lips on mine. The feelings that ran through my head and heart were just so intense. I wanted to stay in the moment with her forever. Sad truth was that she will never be mine. I had her for a moment, but lost her all over again.

I love this girl so much. She came into my life and ended up BEING my life. I can't believe things are turning out like this. Just when I thought I had gotten out of this wirlwind of heartbreak and confusion, I only discover I've gotten deeper than I ever could have.

Only then do I get a phone call, and the horrible news that five of my very dear friends have gotten into a terrible car accident and are hurt, pretty badly.

Every last bit of me is destroyed. My conscience is tearing me apart. My heart lays shattered. I've lost my will to live, yet continue to burn in my existence. How can such anguish be possible? Why me? What sins have I committed in my past life that I am suffering so greatly for now? If there is a God, I could sure use some assistance.

Only time will tell. And now, the daunting task of picking up the pieces of my broken heart and pushing on. Life has taught me one of its hardest lessons.

This was one hell of a way to turn 19, huh?
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

my friend i understand, like i said, youll love till youve seen the 9th layer of hell...friend, if you care so much for her, dont stop, i appreciate what you are doing, standing by her when she sick, risking having a cold, you must be deeper, show her your feelings that are in the abyss of your heart, i see your comitted to suicide, i will slap you, you really want to throw all those emotions, feelings , memories,experiince to the freakin devil? no youre better than that my friend, and you must show her that to your girlfriend!
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v33_n0d3
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Suicide? Hell no. Never. I will never sink that low. To me, that's a way of showing the world that you're weak and care nothing for the people that love you. I know I'm strong, and I love my family and friends very dearly. That word doesn't exist in my dictionary.
[quote:6d52d522bf]And now, the daunting task of picking up the pieces of my broken heart and pushing on. Life has taught me one of its hardest lessons.[/quote:6d52d522bf]
Hence my quote.

We really couldn't make things work out. We tried our hardest. She also hit me with the fact that there's another man in her life, and she's trying to make things work with him. They're both the same culture and more compatible, so it should go smoother between them than it did with us. He's older as well. Maybe I already said this, but she's a year older than I am. Well, I'm happy to see that she's moving on with her life, or at least trying to.

Regardless, she was still with me that night, getting mushy. I sensed no remorse for the other man in her life. She truly does love me, and really doesn't want to let me go. This has been the hardest thing for both of us, but it is a lesson that needed to be learned.
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