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Should I give up on her or wait?

 
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SurfCA87
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 7:22 pm    Post subject: Should I give up on her or wait? Reply with quote

Hi,
Iím not sure where this topic should begin, but this is a very lengthy post. Basically, my girlfriend and I received broke up after dating for 6 months because she is going through too many HUGE personal problems with herself, family (she acts like the mom for everyone), etc. She just isnít at the right stage of her life right now for a relationship. The developing problems were draining her and she could not put everything into the relationship like she wanted which I totally respect for that matter. I have even offered being there for her and she replied many times ďI would really like thatĒ, but still somehow puts some kind of guard up. I am 20 years old and she was 18 when we first met at College during her first semester. Ironically, she had the biggest crush on me all semester as soon as she saw me and I felt the same about her. All semester long we both tried talking to each other, but admitted the shyness got the best of us. Well, I finally got the courage on the last day of class because Iím thinking ďThis girl is exactly (appearance-wise and personality) what Iím looking for so I really want to know more about her.Ē Well, she told me after we first spoke that she went into freak out mode calling her best friend saying how she finally talked to the guy she has been talking about all semester. Well, we started hanging out for a good month then started officially dating after the preceding one month barrier. She even told me that she considered us dating before I had asked, but now things were official. We have both been in long relationships (both very mature and act like adults) and both admit never feeling the way we did for the time we were together. Although, her most serious boyfriend cheated on her with multiple girls makes me wonder if sheís afraid about trusting me or commitment as well. When the 5 months came around she slowly stopped calling every night and became pretty distant by barely showing her affection towards me. This all happened out of nowhere and it was a huge surprise, but I knew during the whole time we were together that problems were personal issues were arising for her. Well, we havenít seen each other for a month and then we both decided that a relationship wasnít best for right now. She told me that she always wants to be my friend and a relationship might even happen again, but right now isnít the best time for her and even said that I deserve better. She is probably the most honest person Iíve ever met and would just tell me if she stopped having feelings for me or wanted something else. Whenever I sign online she will IM me within 10 seconds after signing on and act totally normal, but doesnít mention about doing anything. She usually responds ďThat would be a great idea!Ē if I do ever mention about going out (getting something to eat/drink on a friendly basis), but something always gets in the way and she canít make it or if I call her on the day we are supposed to do something she acts strange and doesnít even pick up. If she calls back then itís usually because she canít make it because of other plans, but sometimes she wonít even call me back at all. She will just wait until I sign online to talk with me. It just makes me think that she doesnít want to see me or even talk on the phone for that matter because those strong feelings may come back. We can both find other people with no problem, but I really want this particular girl back. I am not getting married anytime soon (Iím waiting until my mid-late twenties if I ever do), but I instantly felt like she was the one for me. Our relationship was very relaxed and stress free with no jealousy or anything out of the ordinary and we gave eachother plenty of space. Iíve decided that Iím not going online just so she can talk to me online instead of calling or seeing each other. Then whenever she calls Iím going to act busy (which is basically true) and try getting her into submitting into asking about doing something again. This is so confusing and my friends do not even know what I should do. How should I act towards her? If it means anything I am willing to wait because I know she is worth it. Hopefully someone out there has some advice of what I should do for winning her back. Very Happy
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 7:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would ask her why she only seems to want to chat to you online. Also, ask her why when you both make times to hang out she has broken them. The only way you will know what is going on is if you ask her. From there you will know how to better handle being her friend & why she seems to be avoiding talking to you over the phone or face to face.
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SurfCA87
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 1:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Angel,
Thanks for the quick response. I actually mentioned a few weeks ago how she doesnít call me like usual and she said how she has just been in weird moods lately (I figure itís because of the problems sheís going through). She doesnít make the plans, so that is why Iíve mentioned about doing stuff. She agrees and says how that would be great, but usually says how she never got my call (it could be true, but she never made the attempt of calling me and finding out whatís going on) or had to do something for her family. Should I just not go online and see if she calls because of missing me? I noticed that if we don't speak for a few days then she calls me out of nowhere. Should I make the conversation brief and short when she calls or what? I canít appear needy (which I donít) because she does not like that stuff.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 1:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would ask her general stuff, how things are going w/the issues she is going through. Be supportive of her, that might help & wouldn't sound like your being needy & pushing her.
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pedro_9k6k
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PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 4:33 pm    Post subject: Dating Reply with quote

Hello, this was the right thing that you have done. I donít think that you were wrong.
All the best!
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