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need help! very much confused.....

 
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prem_k
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Joined: 21 Jun 2007
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Location: Tamil Nadu, India

PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:13 pm    Post subject: need help! very much confused..... Reply with quote

hi everyone!

here goes my story.....

i'm 19 now n my gal too is of the same age. we've been classmates for 7 yrs in school. she attracted me at the very first sight n we've been good frens from then. i had a crush on her from the beginning n seriously fell in love wit her 3 yrs ago.....

last yr we left school n joined colleges in different places (very far away from each other). i was terribly depressed, but it proved to be a blessing in disguise. in a few days after we'd left school i contacted her over phone n proposed her. she accepted me (i still cudn't believe it!! it is the greatest moment of my life) n soon we became intimate. though we cudn't meet each other we kept in touch over phone n mails.

for the last one yr we've sharing our dreams, joy n sorrow. but then this terrible thing happened. i was so deep in love tat i proposesd to marry her. she readily agreed but later said no stubbornly Sad

n here's her reason - both of our parents won't agree to our relationship (lik 90% of Indian parents) n she's very deeply attached to her family. she wants not to go against their wish. i've persuaded her to talk to her parents but she doesn't seem to listen.

n now she's stopped being as she used to be. she says tat i'm only a fren to her. but i'm sure tat she still loves me (we met recently after a yr, n i cud see it in her eyes). the prob is tat she's unable to choose between me n her parents.

i love her more than my life n i jus can't live without her Sad

we still stay in touch over phone, but very rarely.... how should i proceed further?? she means a lot to me n i don't want to lose her.. pls help me!
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open_arms
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Joined: 04 Jun 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, im very sory to here that there has been so much confusion and pain in your life of late. Have you tried talking directly to her parents and explaining how you feel. That things have changed and that in the present day, single sex relationships are perfectly normal. Did you say that you are also Indian? How strongly do your parents feel about the situation? Did they know about your relationship before you proposed? If so how did they take to that?
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~Angel~
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know, I'm not too sure if she is very family attached if there is too much you can do.

Maybe as was typed before me, have a talk w/her parents. FIRST, talk w/her about it, ask her if she feels ok w/you talking to them. You wouldn't want to just talk to them w/out her ok, because when she found out she would be very angry w/you.
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prem_k
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Joined: 21 Jun 2007
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Location: Tamil Nadu, India

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

neither of our parents know about our relationship..... it's a common thing in india, where parents generally don't encourage love..... to make things worse we both are from different castes n so our parents won't readily agree to our relationship..... we need to do a lot of convincing....
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 7:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well why not have a talk w/your girlfriend & ask her about bringing up the subject of you 2 together w/both of your parents? If she loves you I bet she would want to do that.

If she does, you 2 can put your heads together on how to best approach both your parents & tell them about how you both feel about 1 another. If she still doesn't want to do that, doesn't really seem to be too much more you can do.
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JulietJules
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Joined: 17 May 2007
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's hard to go against parents in most of our asia countries. One question is why do you want to marry in such a hurry? If you dont want to rush thing, continue the relationship for a year or two. May be she's not ready to move the marriage step yet. Anyway, best of luck to you.

Jules
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prem_k
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Joined: 21 Jun 2007
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 7:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks angel n juliet..... i'm not in a hurry to marry her... i've still got three yrs of college n i can think of marriage only after tat... same with her too..... but i'm not able to bear her avoiding me....
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