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Inlove with someone i shouldnt be?? :(

 
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Should i tell him?
yes
37%
 37%  [ 3 ]
no
62%
 62%  [ 5 ]
Total Votes : 8

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laura_lee88
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 6:52 pm    Post subject: Inlove with someone i shouldnt be?? :( Reply with quote

Hi,
I would really appreciate the advice, Im so lost right now,
Im a 19 year old female who is deeply in love with her cousin (who is 23 years old) and has been for many years.
We were brought up together as kids and our families are very close.
I had always had a crush on him as a child but as I grew older my feelings grew stronger, and I’m finding it difficult to keep it a secret now.
I have tried so hard to get him out of my head but im am not getting anywhere, I compare everyone to him, which isn’t going to be good for me in future relationships, if I am unable to commit fully.
Recently I met new girlfriend, and tried my best to make her feel welcome and made an effort to talk to her, as much as I felt like crying, I was devastated when I found out.
When me and my cousin were left to talk to each other alone, we got into a discussion about cousins having an intimate relationship, and he said that he thought it was acceptable, and he would have a relationship with his cousin, he only has 3 female cousins. At first I was delighted that he didn’t see a problem with cousin relationships, then I thought that if he didn’t think it was a big deal, he would have asked me out already if he had any feelings for me.
We talked about his relationship with his girlfriend, and he said that, they were not serious, and she was more interested in him than he was in her, However our family are under the impression that it is serious. Why is he telling me different?
The following week I went to a fortune teller and she brought my cousin up without me mentioning him, she told me that he had feelings for me aswell and I would get an opportunity to be with him, if I stopped backing away.
Sometimes I catch him, at the corner of my eye staring at me (my fortune teller said, “he smiles with his eyes“), and whenever we have a family function he is always spends his time with me. Even when his girlfriend was with him, he still left her to be with me.
I dont know what to do. I could tell him and risk our relationship as it is, or i could leave it and risk never knowing if he feels the same? truth is, im terrified.
Thank you
Laura x
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Sara
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 8:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm not too sure on this one, how would your families be with it?
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wouldn't go with my cousin. May I ask do you like him enough to marry this man? If so, you risk your kids not being born healthy. Just something you might want to think about.
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laura_lee88
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think our family would be really shocked and may be against it at first but i think they would support me in the end.
I could definetley see myself with him, i am in love with him. I can't help it:(
My uncle married his cousin and they went on to have 3 healthy children and there is tests that can be taken before planning for children to see if there could be any complications.
Many people proberly find an intimate relationship with their cousin disgusting, if anyone was to ask me what i thought about any of my other cousins i would find it weird also, but with him it is differentt, i dont see him as a cousin.
how do i get over him? ive tried everything
Thank you for the comments.
laura
x
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, but I don't think it's a good idea to be dating your cousin.
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laura_lee88
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 5:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for replying, yes most people dont think its a good idea, sometimes i don't but i can't just turn my feelings off Sad wish i could
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well then you have to go w/what you feel. Make sure that you really do think about it before you act on anything.

Best of luck to you.
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JulietJules
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 3:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

you really have to consider. If you keep your feelings to yourself, no one will get hurt except you. But if you risk it and go forward, first you said he show signs of interest in you but that doesnt mean he loves you so you dont know how it turn out if you open to him. Second the response from both parents. Third the future: your marriage, your kids.

Jules
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open_arms
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 3:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i personally feel that you should talk to him first. find out if he has feelings for you. If he does then take it from there. I think that if you feel your family will be ok with it and you really do love him, then there is no reason you shouldnt be with him. Society can ruin people on issues like this.
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laura_lee88
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks for your comment open_arms, i think i should talk to him aswell but im so scared its unbelieveable, what will i say ? i dont want to scare him away if you know what i mean, even though i think he has feelings for me also.
Yes i agree that many people have issues with cousins being together intimatley but at the end of the day you can't help who you love, yopur not supposed to.
Many also think that if you have children with your cousin they will be born with defects which is a load of rubbish, yes it is possible but only if both parents carry a certain gene.
20% of marriages are between cousins so i dont get where people believe its incest.
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open_arms
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 9:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

you need to talk to him without any thoughts of society's constriction bounding you. Dont come on strong and give him space and time to think once you have talked to him. It may come as a shock to him and pressurising him will only push him away. What you do need to understand is that if you did start going out with him and more, you will inevitably have to deal with sceptisisim and abuse from the general public for probably the rest of your lives. As long as you feel you could deal with that and just ignore the ignorant sheep that walk our streets then go for it and live [u:60a9bbdbbd]your[/u:60a9bbdbbd] life the way [u:60a9bbdbbd]you[/u:60a9bbdbbd] want to!
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laura_lee88
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 4:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks open_arms ur advice helped me alot, I feel i could handle any comments form ppl who are against this type of relationship cause at the end of the day i love him and thats all that matters.
Ive decided not to tell him right now, i will wait to see how him and his new girlfriend work out, and maybe drop a few hints when i see him.
One thing that annoys me is that he said he and his girlfriend were not serious, but our family are under the impression they are. Why do you think he would tell me differently??
laura x
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Razor2865
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 12:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You should tell him someday before someone does. Because if someone does, you will lose your hope and get torn to pieces and think that your life is all gone. Sad
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laura_lee88
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 1:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

to be honest i hope he's the one to tell me Sad
I am dreading the day he finally settles down with some girl and i have to go to his wedding and things like that Sad its just a horrible situation but theres nothing i can do about it Sad
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