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I need to understand why.

 
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minniegirl
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 12:42 am    Post subject: I need to understand why. Reply with quote

I was engaged to be married. I thought my life was going great. The guy was sweet, had a great job and seemed to love me. About a month after we were engaged, he told me that he had a "stalker" and she found out we were engaged and might try to contact me. I didn't think much of it since I never heard from her.

About 3 months later, 4 months into the engagement- I get a phone call out of the blue from "the stalker." She tells me that she has been in contact with "Bill" almost the whole time we have been together, he asked to see her 9 times in the 1.5 years he and I had been together, slept together once and she has the emails to prove it. I told her I didn't believe her and didn't want to see the emails. And I hung up on her.

I called "Bill" and he said he would take care of it. Later that night I asked him about the emails and he admited that he did email her back and forth from while at work "quite a bit" but swears they never were together. I emailed him the following day and told him to pass along my email address to her if she needs to contact me she could do it thru email.

That night she Cc: me on an email reply to Bill. Bill had emailed her and told her that he would get her in trouble at work if she contacted my parents. I emailed her back and told her if she wanted to send me emails to do so or if not, to get on with her life. She and I emailed back and forth that night. She gave me date of thier last sexual encounter. I asked "Bill" about it and he admitted they were together. I told him I needed a break to think about things.

She then sent me the emails they exchanged. There were over 200 emails and email strings. They run from sexual to discussing thier weekend football picks. There are even emails where he wanted to meet up with her and a guy she was seeing on a date and I could tell he was bothered she was dating. I read where she told him less that 2 months before he proposed that she wouldn't see him anymore if he was seeing me. He said he understood. She tried harder to pull away from him and he tried to do things indirectly to get her attention. He even sent flirty emails to her a week after we were engaged.

Apparently, he told her over a phone call that we were engaged. She got mad and threatened to tell me. I don't know why she didn't right away, but she cooled down and he talked to her again via email a little more. And did a few other things to get her attention.

Then I get the phone call out of the blue. After reading the emails and hearing more from him. She actually is a girl he dated 3 years ago. He seems to have a harder and harder time distancing himself from her.

I don't understand why he asked me to marry him. I think it is quite clear that he really still is "into her" or whatever. And she is into him as well. He could have her if really wanted her.

There are so many things that run through my head as to why he would even ask. We are both Greek and come from traditonal Greek families. She isn't Greek at all. His ex-wife is getting remarried to the guy she left him for almost 9 years ago. He had a milestone b'day-35.

I even wonder if he really wanted to marry me. He never asked her not to tell me when she said she would. He put his house up for sale so we could move into a home together with our kids. Now he has raised the price so it possibly won't sell probably just to ride out the realtor contract.

I don't really know why or what I asking. Maybe I just want to vent.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 12:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You did break it off w/him didn't you? He sounds like he's a little messed up & to have put you in the middle of this "love affair" he's having w/his ex is wrong. Seems to me that he wants to have his "cake & eat it too", he wants you in his life for the "here & now" & her for the little extra.

Honestly, you don't need that kind of drama in your life. It would be best to get rid of him, he's not worth it one bit.

My best to you! Smile
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minniegirl
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes I did call it off.

I am just seeking answers to questions I have. I may never get them all.

It just hurts that someone I thought loved me so much may have actually felt more for someone else.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 6:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know it does & I'm really sorry that something like that has happend to you.

Maybe if you feel up to it, ask him the questions that you have, if he is adult enough he will give you some answers.

Take care! Smile
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minniegirl
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In the emails he asked to see her about 9 nine times over 10 months. She called off most of their meetings. He called off one b/c he was too busy with work, I assume he was taking leave to see her. She got mad at him and he tried to make her feel better.

All she had to say was "Hi" and he was up her butt. I wonder if he respected her more than me since he was honest with her.

I am so upset.
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JulietJules
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 5:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You should not only get upset but angry with him. He's definately not worth your love.
Why is it always us(gals) who has to suffer more?

Jules
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minniegirl
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 3:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just don't feel like he asked me to marry him because he is in love with me. I feel like everything was a lie. How could he do this to me? My kids? My family?
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 1:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Wish I could tell you the answers you are wanting, but he's the only 1 who knows. He doesn't seem to be man enough to tell you WHY either.

Take this time to heal, spend time w/family & friends, do something you want to do to help take your mind off things. Now it's about you & your children.

Take care!
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k28
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think it is unfortunate that this has happened to you. Sometimes when things happen to us we never receive answers. He may not be mature enough or man enough to give you the answers to your questions. It is ok to be angry, sad, upset and even resentful. However, if you harbor these feelings, you will end up blocking your own healing process. You and you children are most important in this situation. Also, there may be a chance that you will never receive an answer which is hurtful because you would have hoped that he may at least love you enough as a person or a friend to tell you the truth. I know how you feel; I been there before and I never got answers. Its a harder transition when you never get a answer.
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minniegirl
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 2:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for all your kind words and advice.
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