Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion
Share with us problems and questions regarding love relationship
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Advice needed - complex situation, sorry.
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index -> Love Advice
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Saintly
Member
Member


Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:17 am    Post subject: Advice needed - complex situation, sorry. Reply with quote

Thank you in advance guys, I really need some outside opinions on what is going on for me atm Smile

I met a guy online about 18 months ago now. Online he seemed wonderful, sweet and caring. About 6 months after we met, he moved across the country to live with me. At first it was lovely, but then he seemed to change. He refused to get a job, and made me work to support him, putting me very very in debt I might add. At the time I didn't mind so much, as I was making a good wage (I'm a teacher) and I told him that it would be nice if in return he helped a bit around the house (we joked he'd be my house husband, lol) but he did not even do that. He would tell me that he was going to do things, then just forget about them he said.

We started fighting alot, we is quite a bully when we fight. Or at least I feel I am being bullied. He says that I should always support the things he says. That I should never disagree with him, and I certainly should not do it where other people might hear it.

At the start of this year we moved back to the town I grew up and moved in with my parents. Not the most ideal situation, but the school I had been working at was a tough place, and after being assaulted by a student I developed quite severe depression, and I felt I needed to be around my family, for me to best take care of myself.

I went back to University to study again, as my experiences turned me away from teaching a little and my parents are supporting me through it gladly. My bf did not want to get a job, he went through the motions of finding one, but never applied for anything that he had a hope of getting. Finally, my father arranged a job for him. He took it, but really had no choice I guess.

Lately though he has been very agressive, he drinks alot, usually until he passes out. We argue even more, and he uses my depression in the arguments saying that they are my fault because I'm "not right in the head". He hates my family and will do anything to avoid them, even though we all live in the same house.

I don't know what to do. I keep remembering the person that I met and fell for, and I keep trying to see that person in him. But it is a complex situation and not ideal for either of us...

I keep second guessing myself I guess. Part of me feels that I no longer love him, and no longer want to be with him. But part of me believes that my illness is causing me to see bad where there is none.

If you have any advice or ideas... please!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Ocean
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 581
Location: USA CA

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Get rid of him immediatly.
he is an abusor, he will never changed and is an alcoholic.
He will only get wose, he cheated you in letting him move to your place and you ahve been enormously naive.
Throw him out and never contact him again.
You will found someone who loves oyu and care for you and not one who is for you just to pay for his expensises and live without having to work!

THROW HIM OUT!
_________________
[img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/LOVE%20SIGNS/i242340772_78787_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c][img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/SEXY%20SIGNS/i239416537_52113_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Brandon
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 970

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Life is too short, baby. Get rid of his lazy azz. Sounds like he wants a mommy to take care of him. He wants his cake and eat it too.
If he is able to work (which he is), he should be out there doing so. You deserve to be happy, and have a man that will work with you, not one that you have to do everything for. Yeap, get rid of his azz and it will help with your depression.
_________________
[img:6d05ac68bc]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k45/TawnysHere/bonjoviaugust.jpg[/img:6d05ac68bc]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Saintly
Member
Member


Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for replying so quickly guys Smile

You're both right, and I knew it is what needs to be done. I guess I just needed someone outside to tell me that I was right.

*hugs*
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Brandon
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 970

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hugs to you too.
_________________
[img:6d05ac68bc]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k45/TawnysHere/bonjoviaugust.jpg[/img:6d05ac68bc]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ocean
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 581
Location: USA CA

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes good luck with it, and a guy who dont even get himself a job when you are going into depression and all is a big azzhole, and who also drink til he passes out at the same time, good Lord! what were you thinking about??!!

Now you know what you want and what you dont want in a guy!
Thats always soemthing!
Good you aint married yet, i am sure your dad and family will be most helpfull to show him the way out! and have been all far too sweet and accomodating for this trash!

I hope he wont hook another one after you to do the same but that he will be forced into changing.
but thats no longer your problem, concentrate on yourself from nowon and on having a good life.

Wink
_________________
[img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/LOVE%20SIGNS/i242340772_78787_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c][img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/SEXY%20SIGNS/i239416537_52113_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Brandon
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 970

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I work my butt off. I won't have a girl do it all while I just sit on my azz and do nothing. Not right.
_________________
[img:6d05ac68bc]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k45/TawnysHere/bonjoviaugust.jpg[/img:6d05ac68bc]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ocean
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 581
Location: USA CA

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Agree. Both have to share all, work and good time.
_________________
[img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/LOVE%20SIGNS/i242340772_78787_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c][img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/SEXY%20SIGNS/i239416537_52113_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Brandon
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 970

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's right, baby.
_________________
[img:6d05ac68bc]http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k45/TawnysHere/bonjoviaugust.jpg[/img:6d05ac68bc]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
~Angel~
Member
Member


Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 350
Location: USA

PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:47 pm    Post subject: Re: Advice needed - complex situation, sorry. Reply with quote

[quote:7bfc8e54d9="Saintly"]Thank you in advance guys, I really need some outside opinions on what is going on for me atm Smile

I met a guy online about 18 months ago now. Online he seemed wonderful, sweet and caring. About 6 months after we met, he moved across the country to live with me. At first it was lovely, but then he seemed to change. He refused to get a job, and made me work to support him, putting me very very in debt I might add. At the time I didn't mind so much, as I was making a good wage (I'm a teacher) and I told him that it would be nice if in return he helped a bit around the house (we joked he'd be my house husband, lol) but he did not even do that. He would tell me that he was going to do things, then just forget about them he said.

We started fighting alot, we is quite a bully when we fight. Or at least I feel I am being bullied. He says that I should always support the things he says. That I should never disagree with him, and I certainly should not do it where other people might hear it.

At the start of this year we moved back to the town I grew up and moved in with my parents. Not the most ideal situation, but the school I had been working at was a tough place, and after being assaulted by a student I developed quite severe depression, and I felt I needed to be around my family, for me to best take care of myself.

I went back to University to study again, as my experiences turned me away from teaching a little and my parents are supporting me through it gladly. My bf did not want to get a job, he went through the motions of finding one, but never applied for anything that he had a hope of getting. Finally, my father arranged a job for him. He took it, but really had no choice I guess.

Lately though he has been very agressive, he drinks alot, usually until he passes out. We argue even more, and he uses my depression in the arguments saying that they are my fault because I'm "not right in the head". He hates my family and will do anything to avoid them, even though we all live in the same house.

I don't know what to do. I keep remembering the person that I met and fell for, and I keep trying to see that person in him. But it is a complex situation and not ideal for either of us...

I keep second guessing myself I guess. Part of me feels that I no longer love him, and no longer want to be with him. But part of me believes that my illness is causing me to see bad where there is none.

If you have any advice or ideas... please![/quote:7bfc8e54d9]

I agree w/what has been said before me. He needs to get himself out of your life & to do some major growing up. Any man that refuses to get a job to help out or at the least doesn't help out around the house & let's a woman do everything is not a man at all!! You don't need him.

Take some time to heal, because you really do need it after all you have been through. You will see once you get rid of him that the weight that you had on your shoulders will be lifted. Good luck & take care, I wish you the best! Smile
_________________
[img:c4d72b828f]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v70/DJohnson/417563mxeyw1r5ja.gif[/img:c4d72b828f]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Ocean
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 581
Location: USA CA

PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2007 3:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tell us how things are going for you now?

Did he went out? Are you now free from him? Very Happy

It will be nice to hear of all went well for you, and I do hope it did! Wink
_________________
[img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/LOVE%20SIGNS/i242340772_78787_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c][img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/SEXY%20SIGNS/i239416537_52113_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Saintly
Member
Member


Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2007 6:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smile Thank you all again, for helping me know what was right.

Yes, I've told him. He's not gone yet, but we're finished. He's certainly not happy, and I know I am going to have to be very strong to make sure that he does leave, but now I'm certain it's right, and I have my family behind me. Smile

*hugs* to you all. I'll see you around the forums, lol I plan on hanging around if no one objects Razz
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
afroditaa
Member
Member


Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2007 6:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:228b6d1b14="Saintly"]Smile Thank you all again, for helping me know what was right.

Yes, I've told him. He's not gone yet, but we're finished. He's certainly not happy, and I know I am going to have to be very strong to make sure that he does leave, but now I'm certain it's right, and I have my family behind me. Smile

*hugs* to you all. I'll see you around the forums, lol I plan on hanging around if no one objects Razz[/quote:228b6d1b14]

Hi Saintly i am new to this forums too and glad that i found this itīs a great way to ask for help and share ideas! I am glad to know that you got really good advice and that you are following it... just wanted to stop by and leave a friendly hi Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ocean
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 581
Location: USA CA

PostPosted: Sat May 05, 2007 8:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:ffdcc24635="Saintly"]Smile Thank you all again, for helping me know what was right.

Yes, I've told him. He's not gone yet, but we're finished. He's certainly not happy, and I know I am going to have to be very strong to make sure that he does leave, but now I'm certain it's right, and I have my family behind me. Smile

*hugs* to you all. I'll see you around the forums, lol I plan on hanging around if no one objects Razz[/quote:ffdcc24635]

I am extremely happy for you saintly, and tell me why he doesnt leave immediatly? Doesnt he have some family or friends he can return to instead of staying at your parents place?
I think it will be better for you than having to wait..knowing how slow he is specialy..
I am certain that your family is behind you in that!
They must be glad too! Laughing
I can feel that you already got some more happyness inside you.
I am glad to know that.
Very Happy
See you around! Wink
_________________
[img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/LOVE%20SIGNS/i242340772_78787_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c][img:83ab45b02c]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/SEXY%20SIGNS/i239416537_52113_5.gif[/img:83ab45b02c]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
~Angel~
Member
Member


Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 350
Location: USA

PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 12:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:0c3ffcec0e="Saintly"]Smile Thank you all again, for helping me know what was right.

Yes, I've told him. He's not gone yet, but we're finished. He's certainly not happy, and I know I am going to have to be very strong to make sure that he does leave, but now I'm certain it's right, and I have my family behind me. Smile

*hugs* to you all. I'll see you around the forums, lol I plan on hanging around if no one objects Razz[/quote:0c3ffcec0e]

Good for you Saintly, you did the right thing. Very Happy Smile

Great that you are planning on sticking around here too, we need more nice people like you around here to chat to & to help give advice! Smile
_________________
[img:c4d72b828f]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v70/DJohnson/417563mxeyw1r5ja.gif[/img:c4d72b828f]
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index -> Love Advice All times are GMT
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

HomePage | Love Articles | Dating Services | Love Calculator | Feng Shui Modern Living | Art of Feng Shui


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group