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I need opinions--Age Conflicts. (Please!)
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LoveViolet
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 11:48 pm    Post subject: I need opinions--Age Conflicts. (Please!) Reply with quote

Hello everyone.. My name is Shane and I have a very important question to ask of you good folks..

I am 18 years old..going to be 19 on the 29th of May, this year. (Soon, I know. =P)

Anyways, there is this girl, Shayna, that I admittedly like. She has a personality that mixes perfectly with mine, is smart, funny, artistic etc. etc. (I won't bore you folks too much here.. =D).

The problem? She is 15 years old..going on 16 in September of this year. (The 11th.)

Now, I am not lying when I say she not only looks older than her age, but she -acts- it. She is very mature..all around her agree and I do as well. We are good friends, and have been for a year..

But now, I am at a crossroads of sorts. No, Shayna and I have **NOT**---1. Had Sex. 2. Kissed 3. Or engaged in any intense physical activity. (A hug or two is about it.) But, from mind to mind, we've shared lots, and that means much more to me anyway.

I am NOT a predator..I am NOT someone who takes advantage of people, young or old. I respect the female gender, and everyone else, WAY too much to do such worthless crap. (To put it bluntly.)

So yes, now I ask you all on this relationship forum... What do I do? Do I either: A. Remain friends. B. Drop her as a friend and remove her from my life completely, to eradicate everything possibly viewed as "questionable" by society..(if it is indeed questionable. I ask that without knowledge of an answer)..or C. Progress with a relationship, but obviously take things slow and carefully..

Thanks for reading. I deeply appreciate your time and your thoughts.
~Shane~
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LoveViolet
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, and please don't feel afraid to say I'm in the wrong or something if you truly believe it to be so...

If you think I'm a creep for even THINKING this..then say so. I just want honest opinions. I hope I don't come across as a creep, and I don't believe I am..but still.. Honesty first. Thanks.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 12:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whats the problem here?
she is 15 you are 18, thats 3 years difference..
in 10 years she will be 25 and you 28, so, whats the point?
Choose 3.
Remain friends, you can also kiss, be bf and gf, i dont see the problem.
As for the rest, ask her, talk together about it openly.
its not a big age difference, you are like both teenage still.
So stop worrying. you knwo the answers anyway.
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LoveViolet
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 12:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for your quick reply Ocean...

What I AM ALSO concerned about..

Is the society part. If someone saw me with her..openly..would I get frowns? WOULD PARENTS...consider me some kind of creep and predator???

That also concerns me. I want people to think well of me..because I don't like it when they think otherwise.. duh. =P
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 12:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And so what?
you say yourself she looks older than she is, so unless you too i dont see the problem..
as for her parents, why dont you go meet them at her place, and stop feeling like a crrep or predator or you are going to be seen as such!
Do you love her?
Talk with her about it instead, meet her at her place at her home, meet her parents, eventually talk with her parents about it, of whats best and that you dont want to be seen as if you are doing soemthing wrong.
If you were 40, and go with a 15, thats pedophiliy, and the same if you are in the 30es thats the limit, if you are late 20'es too, but if you are early 20'ees thats a bit abusive because of the difference of life experience even if some are much late to rich the right level of maturity..
But being 18 and her 15 thats not so bad, because you are both teenage.
In 1 ˝year she will be the age you are now, so, be friends kissing, and wait.
But talk with her about your concerns so she know you ahve them and has her say in it. That you have those thoughts proves that your intentions are rigth, so you shouldnt worry so much.
When you were 8 years old, she was 5-6 years old. Was that matter?
no.
Talk to her, go to her place and let the parents meet you, could be that it will make you realise that your assumptions are exagerated.
If the parents see whom you are and that you are not the kind older guy who is after a quick score on an unexperienced teen, all will be fine.
Depending on the parents, if they are open and such, you can even talk about it with them becuase they will think about it, so its best to be clear with them about it,a nd to make a deal with them so they know they can trust you and count on you.
You also have teen same age than her who are completely irresponsible and will take advantage of her, so age dont make a you a predator perse.
thats the mentality you have, your own personal ethic, who differentiate you from those. And i think that here you have the rigth set of ethical values, so its alright.
Partake your worries with her, and what she thinks about it and about asking her parents about it.
It will be a good idea.
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LoveViolet
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 12:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And if her parents disagree or are against me..do I resort to option B and remove her from my life, so that she doesn't have to deal with the embarrassment/struggle, etc.??

I KNOW, already, that she is fine with my age. She doesn't find it to be that big of a deal and shares your view, in that it isn't going to matter, at all, later on or even right now.. (Hell, my parents are 5 years apart...haha. =P)

But yeah..if her parents don't think its right..I KNOW I'm going to feel bad and I'll probably be too ashamed to continue anything, even if i want to...
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 12:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ask her about what she think her parents will say and tell her you are afraid of how people will see you.
thats all.
She probably know about what her parents will say and will tell you and can even discuss this with her parents, tell them she know someone since a year who is older than her of 2˝ year.
They probably already know about you so all your fears are imaginary.

Are you gf-bf or is it just friendship?
If it is just friendship, then there is absolutly no problem at all and your anguish are silly.
If you want to go to the next level, wait for you to feel more confortable with it first, because you are not.
So reamin friend with her, there is absolutly nothing against it.
It is more if you were to be lovers that the age could be a problem.
You like her then stay friend with her.
So remain friends, and progress slowly as you become older both of you.
It is a good fundament for love to ahve a solid friendship first, so I think all is fine.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 1:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Try C
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thats what i just said.
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 1:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, and what are you going to do about it? Laughing Wink
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 1:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kiss charlie and make you cry! Razz Laughing
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LoveViolet
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 1:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ocean...

I have no desire to do anything sexual with Shayna..at all.

No sex. No petting. No foreplay. Nothing...

A kiss will be the extent of it until she reaches at least 17 maybe even 18. I guess I'm conservative..I don't know. *shrug*

Either way...sex with her at 15 is illegal and though I would NEVER consider that..It still..in some way..hints at the fact that maybe what im doing is wrong... Ya know? *Sigh*
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LoveViolet
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 1:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

(Sorry, I meant a kiss will be the extent of all "sexual" relations until 17-18..after that...I AM NOT going to guarantee sex at all. In fact, I probably won't... I WILL NOT pressure her...etc. If i DO at ALL, i will be as safe as all is possible.)

Basically: Sex isn't my main concern... AT ALL. At any age she's at. Its just that its scary that the law says no sex can occur with her at her age because im not a "minor" and she is...

Its like the law is trying to say: What the hell are you doing with her in the first place..ya see?
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 2:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So there is no problem at all. As I told you before if you want to be her friend it is all fine, there si no problem with that. Its not like you were friend with a 5 years old girl ytou understand? she is a teen, so thats alright. You can be her friedn without problem at all, there is absolutly no shame in that.
You just have fears based on preconception, because yourself if you ahd seen a guy your age with a girl her age you will have had negative thoughts about the guy.
It is your own prejudices who are creating problems for oyu, who do not exist in the real world.
You are her friend. Its alright. Think of it as your little sister, you will not feel ashame for hanging around with your younger sister well?
thats the same here. You are friends.
Now what might become of that friendship in some years none of you can know, you wikll change she will change, and you migth be still friends with each your own bf and gf, or become closer and begin a relationship as gf and bf together, but right now, you 2 are friends, and it is a very good thing to have and nothing to fear nor to be ashame about.
You are just hallucinating, like afraid to be or to be perceived as a monster even you know you are not.
iF YOU LIKE HER AND HER you, must be because you have things in common, thats all, and what more usual than getting together with those one has things in common and like to be together with?

Relax, no arm is done, and being friend with her is not only legal, but normal.

Hope it help this time.. Wink
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LoveViolet
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 5:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am exactly 3 years and 4 months older than her.. (May 29, 1988.. Sept 26, 1991) _-sorry-_... had the wrong day before..

Does that change anyone's thoughts on anything at all..on a relationship basis?

-Pointblank.-
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