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I Wish i had not
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abs260
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 7:01 pm    Post subject: I Wish i had not Reply with quote

Hi,
I have a problem, I was going out witht this amazing girl for four years,
We did everything including traveling the world together,
For no apparent reason i ignored her for a week, She started a new job that week and i did not call or email to say good luck. She bought a new car and i did not say good luck witht hat either,
I rang her after a week and she was so hurt that she broke off our relationship, Its been 5 weeks now and everything i have done is not good enough to get her back, I wish i had not done this but i did, And cant seem to get her back, she has cut off contact completly and says that she wants to be left alone and does not want to be friends either, I hurt her so badly, She loved me with all her heart and i just ignored her for a week,
i love this Girl and want to marry but i cant seem to fix this, Has anyone been in a similer situation,? im dying here for her, I love her so much and made a hugh mistake,
I have talked to her about it and she still says she does not care about me anymore and what i did, I want her back,
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You might want to give her some time to "cool down". It does seem like she could be hurt by you not being there for her during that week & the no contact. MAYBE giving her a little time & space to cool down might get her to talk to you & see if she still feels the same as she told you.

If after a little time she still feels the same way, you just may have to let go & start over. Sorry.
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abs260
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 7:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ya i think ill give her time and space, But i really do not know how much time and space to give her. Its all so frustrating that i could of just called to her nad made it all better but i waoted and waited as i was scared of losing her, How awful is that,
I Get the feeling she still loves me and she said she did not to get back at me, i wish i had not done it,
Thanks.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 7:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you tried sending her flowers with a very touching "I'm sorry" card?
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abs260
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have donr that, and with that i also sent her a big teddy saying how much i love her
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 8:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thinking here. I'll get back to you on it.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 8:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, does this girl have any idea that you have thought about marriage?
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abs260
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yup she sure does, we have discussed it lots of times.
I think that she is really really hurt.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 9:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You still want to marry the girl, right? Get the ring. If the ring doesn't show her you really love and want her, nothing will.
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abs260
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

But if i get hte ring and she says no what do i do then, i know she is really really hurt, but she is also so stuborn, I mean really really, its crazy, even if she wanted to say yes to this she wouldn't . i know it
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Forget her. The girl is mad.
I mean you know each others for 4 years and travel the world together and all, and are about to get married, and just for a week sikence she drop it all and dont even want to be friend with you??
sounds like if you had cheated on her best friend or soemthing like that!

No, it isnt good, imagine soemthing happen in the marriage who crave strength from both part, she will not match it..
so drop it.
Her reaction is abnormal. completely specially with allt he excuse you made, she is completely out of reality and has no idea of what real life is.
>You didnt do any wrong, she did.
Its her who should have think to give oyu soem space here and not the opposit. Gosh! a week is nothing!
and out of 4 years.
Tell her that, what will she do if telefon didnt exist, drop you too?
It doesnt go, tell her she is childish and that marriage crave more strength than she is showing you.
Her attitude is under all critic.
You did no wrong, she react very weirdly. tell her that too.
She is absolutly too childish
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abs260
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 9:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You see She thinks about the future a lot and she is thinking that if i did this now what will i do in five six seven years time when we have kids.
I am v upset over this even tho i know it is my fault and i should of not done smething like that to her,
You see i was kinda mean for a day or two before that and i have no reason as to why i was or why i did it, Its all v strange and something that i would not normally do, Its easy to say to forget about her but i really cant, I love her with all my heart and i want to be with her for the rest of my life
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You also say she is stubborn, so stubborn that even if she wanted to say yes she will say no!!??!!
But thats because she si spoiled baby! a spoil child! thats why she react like that.
If she is ready to drop you and all you ahd and friendship and love and 4 years spend together and your marriage out of a silly stupid pride, then, drop her!
This is a side of her you didnt knew about, and a real bad one. Be happy you see it before too late.
So if you dont call when you are late, what will she do? File for divorce the same evening??
This is mad! Tell her she is mad, dont trust you and is showign you how little she loved you in fact.
Even she thought you had a changed of mind that week, she should have been relieved after and her reaction now is disproportinate to what happened in reality.
Tell her about people who do not see at all for very long and who manage.
Maybe you were about to marry soemone who isnt at all the one you thought you were going to marry, and thank God this happened so you could see it before it was too late!
This girl is mad. and if she isnt then she is so childish that she cant be mature enough to consider marriage.
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abs260
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 9:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I totally understad where you are coming from. bu t you ave to realise that i think she is perfec for me and i would be perfect for her,
She was always by my side and i took advantage of her, a lot. I think that everything al come at once for her nad she had enough, Maybe she is just thinking about us and need time to do so,
Its been five weeks since the break up and a week since e had contact,
Even tho we were bith out the other and did not even seem like we know each other we did not even say hello
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 10:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Then tell her what about you??
with the reaction you now have to drop me over such a small and sily thing, what would you do if a child is really sick or if i am, or if soemthing bad happen? get all steady and stupd and act as a spoiled child and refuse to talk and just drop me over it?
Now, she has in fact done worse thna you have, so confront her with it.
She loves you or she dont love oyu and thats it.

If each time you make a fart she is going to think about Oh God how is it going to be in 7 years from now? then life is going to be funny, I tell you!
and more for her than for oyu!
Tell her that to, to dont overinterpretate nor make assumptions, and drag all sort of conclusions out of a small incident like that.
Tell her you needed soem space for a short while and its normal just before getting mariend, and men and women dotn act the same way, and she got to know and understand that before getting married as well, and talk to her mum and dad about it, and if she say still no tell her she waisted 4 years of your life, one way or another she will give in.
But Gee! this one is weird!
She must have got some huge hallucinations of some kind and imagine all sort of things.
Reassure her on that. You 1 week off, was to reassess, thats a man thing.
You dont even know it so thats funny, but thats how men cope with things, they go fishing . Thats an expression i have, men close in women speak out, so I say "he is go fishing" you know, they go with their spand down in their cabin near the lake alone, and stay there for a week, without a word, they go fishing they say.
They dont go fishing, they go solving, clearing out, get the steam out, or what ever is burdening them at the moment.
Then they coem back and dont get why the woman is all mad and obsess at them. Cause while they went fishing she went speculating, and getting more and more worried about it all, while he was getting himself more and more cool about it all.
So they dont get it.
without the cabin, thats men closing in not talking, avoiding the question, and being late and distant. Thats the same, they are fishing in their own fish cabin inside, for some answrs they may or may not found.
It doesnt matter.
What matter for them is to have go fishing.
JUst like for women , what matters is the talking, the exchange, the verbal confrontation and exchanges, to make it come out to expose the problems, to clarify by talking.
Men clarify inside, women out, men by shutuping women by talking.
So thats kind of difficult to adapt and not surprising if there is so many feud in a couple!
The woman will feel she has always to give in for the other closed cabin, and the man that he feel under attacks and cant think for himself.
Fact is they are both seeking the same peace, inside, but got there using a different path.
Women are looking for the same answers, but mostly for the talking, it clarify them, they just want to speak it out, and then its alright, and to be heard so its fine, they are not looking for a solution, for answers, nor for the car to get fixed and the plum things to get screwed. No, all they want is to talk out, maybe scream out, get mad, get sadf, get all the emotional register through, and laghter too, and then drop it, and lets take a walk out side. And all is forgotten.
Guys do the same, they go for a week and are all fien too afterward.
If you dont talk, women think you must hide a lot, and since you are distant, must be not good for her, and agaisnt her, and you got to tsalk it out or she is going to explode cause the thougths are getting so many its going soon to explode.
The guy dont speculate so much, he cant stand the talking.
must be the strict necessary and what can be managed here and now, and what is it to get fixed, and pass me the screw, and the oil, and thats it.
If it cant get fiexed here and now, no need to talk it over, before he got the solution. And that makes women mad.
Cause for women, talking problems over is part of the solution, and is often better, at elast better than jsut having the problem and no solution, at elast we can talk about it.
So here you got yourself a prenuptial taste of the life between a man and a woman.
Her prerogatives and yours.
I described things with a heavy brush, of course it doesnt fit all men and all women at all time, but most of us at some times.
So you have to open up a bit, and she got to accept your walkabouts.
If she cant, she might as well join the covent.
When you cant figure out whats in each others head and not even in your own, go back to basic, think with your heart instead, and ask her to do the same.
Thats a very good rule to observe: when all else failed think with your heart and follow it no matter what.
In fact its even best to follow your heart all the time, but we are so controlled by our mind that it is a very difficult task to do.
Go over her and talk with her 6 hours in trech non stop.
Then kiss her very passionately and tell her you love her and want to marry her.
IF THIS DOESNT KILL THE BEAST, NOTHING WILL.
Make laugh at her said to her she is a spoiled little baby who cant take anything and that she is all lost just you are one week away. Yes, get her mad at you. Thats very good, steam out! steam out!
And say to her "and how are you going to do now, if i am no longer around you?" make laugh at the whole situation..
Found out where the stich is, the real one.
The one you dont know about yet.
You are the one fearing to lose her, and scared it happen, just dont show it when you will make her laugh, or first when you will make laugh at her and get her mad!
If she ask you out say no, say you kidnap her and marry her de force.
If when you have done all that things are not so improved that the whole scene is forgotten and put behind, and it all seems like a silly nightmare you both had, then there was soemthing wrong here in the first palce that you werent aware of.
Try that. You got nothing to lose and all to win: her back.

Good luck
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