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Negative Thinking, Need help!!!
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In this case Randy, there wasn't any outside influences that were trying to get in between their relationship. It was a communication break down.
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Last edited by ~Angel~ on Fri Jun 08, 2007 5:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Randy
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 5:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I answered the person and not you but you clearly gave an exemple about how external indblanding create conflicts and are totally unjustified and are always performed by persons who are very arrogant and seems to mean htat they have their word to say in things they got nothing to do with and that even on line and managed to cant be able to control their handicap of controlling everyones elses life, and to decide of whom is alowed to talk to whom and in what extent and whom is alowed to be in what forum and for what purpose, and what can be said by whom and what cannot and by whom, and what rules apply to whom and not others, and what version of the fact are to be the universal one who must be accepted by all or risking rejection by the group, and are indeed masters in creating pressure and group pressure, and in making tension mounting until the point of break down and make hte life of people who were very happy together into a compleete misery, and even there they are not satisfied and want more always more, more informations, more control, more their word to be sayed.
And selfrighteousness is their key word, as they fly blindly through the fact that all what they did was done for the sole purpose to satisfy their egoistic needs to control others and sick curiosity to know the private life of others as if they had the rigth to do so and as if their actions and questions were at all justified in anyway.
Manipulation, emotional blackmailing and reapping off a person feelings are the name applying to what is going on.

Here you are and proving that you feel intentled to come with threats, and are so used of controlling others and of deciding whom do what and where that you are no longer aware that what you are saying show that you are controlling whom go where and are constantly watching what other people who dont have a thing to do with you, are doing and talking to and what about, and stand here as if you had a say in it as the most evident thing to be, when it is in fact an abnormity, that you should feel ashame of doing.

You are enjoying this perverted game, you are enjoying every bit of it, and do not feel the need to deny that you did wrong and that you want to pursue doing wrong and being very agressiv in your criticism of his behaviour so to can press him some more as you have done for so long now.

And by the way, i do not know whom Ocean is.
But it must be one of your victims, I heard there was many around the net in different forums and that you do not seems to wish to stop doing so.

You do not own this forum nor the other one, even if you do present yourself as if it was the case.

All was fine before you appeared, he rejected you so you put someone else, one of your friend to do the job for you and seems to be hysterically satisfied of your wrong doings, and feel so glorious that you think you have to shine it out, as if it was a glorie earned out of goodness.

Well, it is not, as being mean or acting mean to destroy others intimate relationship is never good and is not hte meaning with this forum either.
So as you play as if you were advising other on how to do to better their relationships, you are doing everything to destroy the concrete people you are in contact with and to have the most negative influence on them.

What people chose to do, whom they chose to talk to and when what they want with their life is none of your business and never was. Try to live with that, and leave people alone!

Yesterday you insulted him and told he was a big big lier, and that i shouldnty listen to him, and should drop him, and the day after you found someone else to tell him the same things about me, and to convince him with very active brainwashing to do so.

You used all you knew about us after 4 months of active stalking through forums in the internet, to gain him over and dress him against me, and as he didnt wanted to do so, you just broke him down until he was feeling so low and miserable.
So I will repeat your own words in that regard " You make his life miserable because you are yourself such a nasty miserable piece of shit.! Go away from here and found someone else to make miserable".
Those are your words to me, for refusing to tell you details about us, as where we live and what we do and how we communicate, and if we met, and so on, you didnt appreciated being told we could be married.. and why that?? what had this to do with you at all?
If we are or not is none of your business! If anybody here is or not is not for you to judge and feel mad about or offended by, if it is true or not is none of your business either and is not for you to judge and / or condemn!
It is not your domaine it is the people involved doamine only and for them to decide and not you!
But you mixed and mixed, and raged, and out of yourself, and attacking and agressing and being hysterical, and pressing, and pm ing left and right, and all outraged by it.

Why?

Havent you something else to do but trying to control him and me and trying to control the nature of our relationship and to decide if it is to be continued or to stop??
Who do oyu think that you are to do those things and ask those questions, and pretned as if you are the fairy while constantly trying to terrorise others?

The smile do not outbalance its fakeness, so couldnt fool that plenty.

Your alone reason to be here is to spy on him and to see if he comes here to talk with me.
Yes he does.
Happy?

AND IN WHAT DEGREE DOES IT REGARD YOU?
In none. You do not own the forums and you do not own me nor him, and you do not have any rigths on him, nor me, and you do not deserve to be talked to neither by me nor by him.
He is far too much of a good person and a greate soul for people like you, and as a prove of that is that the alone hting you can found to do when a generosu soul like him is put on your path, is to abuse of him and to reap him off completely.
You should feel ashame of your wrong doings, and apologise for them and try to undo them as best as you can.

It willc rave from you to change of mentality, of changing your angle, your view point, of recognising that you were wrong in your assumptions, and of being able of courage to say "i was wrong but will no longer act this way anymore" all together strong things who crave will and being strong.
But are you strong enough and courageous enough to can admit your errors and mistakes?

Are you good enough and able enough to can repair them?

Do you have the will at the rigth palce, and the right motives to can do so?

From what you just said i doubt so, it will demand of you to can change, to make a u-turn.
Or staying stuck in the same wrong pattern.

All of this is very relevant s for the necessity of direct and clear communication between two parts in a relationships, as if something external, a doubt or anger, or someone as you and her, creating doubt and anger, and causing the communication bridge to break down more and more, the chances are high for that relationship to experience a slow down or a break down as well.
You knew by me, that communication was a problem between us as by mean of forums, and you therefor knew that by intervening constantly, you could damge it and at some point cause it to break it, which you did.

Any other well ment person will have done the opposit, and done their best to help us to can communicate better and more often and to create a new mean of communication.

It is the difference between being good and being bad.

I do not pardon you for having broke him down and manipulating him and abused of his goodwill and kindness, and for having misused his confidence in you and her, to reach your highly critisable goals.

Ask your mother what she think of what you did, and give her the factual version of the facts.
All of it looks like a revenge you took on me and him for having said no to your manipulating games and refused to play with.
Thats why you introduced sara here and have her doing your things for you, as you could no longer fooled him as you had in the past, and after 4 weeks of brainwashing, he was talking to you again..

5 weeks later he was as unsure as can be and completely confused and unsure of himself, and on the 6th weeks you took compleete control over his will and had him done as you wanted.

And now, you just sit on yoru throne of reprehensible actions like a queen and htink you have all reasons to feel satisfyed.
This throne is a thorn in your credibility.

But something i must admit, you are a very calculating and manipulating person,a s all administrators of all the forums you have been into have noticed and been the victims of already.

Ocean had many friends and I am one of them.
She has friends in all the forums, yes, also that one, and her friends do not go there to control everyones moves as you do.

Next time you make such a comment remember that it is call interfering in a thread and taking away its subject for personal purpose.
I made here the exception to answer to you even so i do not think that interupting a thread is a good thing to do, and will therefor not do so again, so you dont need to feel obliged to answer to me her.
For that purpose there is PM.

Thanks.
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cdubsbabii
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 7:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:4c173f6a55="~Angel~"]In this case Randy, there wasn't any outside influences that were trying to get in between their relationship. It was a communication break down.[/quote:4c173f6a55]

Randy, she's right, he talked to a friend, there was no outside influences involved. I think you may be getting your own problems mixed in with, what other peoples problems are.


~Dani
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Randy
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 1:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used this as an exemple of how outside influences can create problems who also occur without outside influence of people but more like outside influences by environement, like stress, history of the couple, actual circumstances and so on.
If other people influencd negatively those practical influences, and do that the stress raise, and pressure mount, and create other prolems who werent there to begin with, they can also cause a communication breakdown.
Just in the same way as those can occur between 2 persons if circumstances around are bad enough to cause it.
I draw the parallell, because sometimes there can be difficulty of communiction who can be solved afterwards, but not if other person try to aggravate those external factor by playing on people nerves and sensitivity and emotions.

I have witnessed this and think that it is better if it is only the persons who experience that as they have more control on what is going on and what can happen next.
Only those invlved know exactly what is going on and all aspects of the relationship, anyone outside can only get a narrow view of a part of it.
How somebody else can happen in different way, it can be a friend giving a wrong advixe, it can be an acquintance coming with its drop of wisdom, or a parent, or an ex, or something one hear, and can sometimes influence the outcome far more than it shoulkd depending of when and how this happen.

Sorry if you ment it was not all relevant but I experienced many sort of communication diffficulties and now breakdown, and can see how the different aspects of it can play together.
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey all,

It was definitely a communication breakdown and we both realized that. Everything is good now but something really made me a bit paranoid. The gym i work at is were i met my bf and he cancelled his membership at the end of may, however, a member told me she had seen my bf training with another guy at the gym 2-3 weeks ago which i dont know about. How do i approach my bf about this?

Its got me really worried.

thanks
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 12:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would ask him what's going on. Let him know that someone saw him there training w/another guy & you were wondering what's up. Always be direct, open & honest hun. Smile
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I asked him and he said he understands why i would be a little shocked and worried but said it cant have been him because he cancelled his membership and doesn't go to the gym to pull people etc. Ive had such an amazing time with him recently, he constantly telling me he loves me, gave me a massage and even sat starring at me whilst i was playing on the computer.

Why do i alway think something bad is going to happen though?

Is that normal?
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 12:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Could be you are insecure w/in yourself & that is why you think the "worst" sometimes.

I think sometimes it's normal & from all that you have been posting I believe it's normal to wonder, worry & or possibly think the worst about certain things. It's when it takes over your life & you convince yourself otherwise w/out never consulting your partner that it's not normal. You know like letting it eat at you until you explode all over your partner & he doesn't know what happened? I DO NOT think you have done any of that thus far, so I believe you are doing very well in your relationship.
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Breanna117
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 6:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was in the same situation and I would have to say that theres really nothing to calm the negative thiking but as Ive figured out with my boyfriend if I give him a little space then I get the responses and actions I want.So I wouldnt toatlly back off but being told that your not loving someone enough isnt a big turm on so just pretty much do what you said relax and realize that you do have him because Ive found that always wanting more can lead to having nothin at all.
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 7:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks both,

I also found that giving each other some space meant i got the reactions and responses i wanted. Ive tired to limit myself in staying over 3-4 times a week and might reduce that further. Im just a very insecure person at times, for reasons i dont know why, out of the 6 months we've been dating, i shouldn't even have a doubt about our relationship, yet i get jealous over the smallest things, e.g. a guy texting him that he briefly met through a friend and said he was a cool guy in the text

My bf suprised me by blowing up more then 50 balloons in his bedroom and also drawing me a picture of a cartoon character i like, and placing some photos of us inside the picture, another reason why i shouldn't doubt him.

I guess ive been hurt in the past and always prepare for the worse if you like, im alot better then i was, just one or two things that bug me a little (guy texting him, yet he did tell me and it was uni related)

thanks
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glad to see that things are going well between you both!
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Something really upsetting has happened and i dont know how to deal with it. Basically my bf moved into his new apartment on saturday and also got a job at a casino. The only problem is the working hours of both our jobs. His shifts consist of 9pm-5am or 6pm-2am which upsets me as i enjoy sleeping over 3 times a week at least and now wont be able to do it much. Also seeing him is going to be a problem as he'll be sleeping most of the day whereas i normally work from 2pm - 10pm.

He's just started today but already i know im going to miss him. It gets me down when i think about the times ive spent over yet instead im sitting here on this computer. I cried about it too him and he reassured me everything is being ok. I said i would even meet him at 5:30am just to spend some time with him and will reduce my hours at work but still, should i wait a few weeks to see what happens, then if all is not improving, ask him to look for another job whilst working?

Its really really upset me.

Also i suggested him giving me a spare set of keys so i could stay at his and wait till he comes back but he was extremely reluctant. Maybe it was because its a new flat and it'll be giving some of that independence away or maybe its too soon. He said think of it like this, if i got a new car and he asked for a spare set of keys for it so he could drive it without a licence?

I dont know if that makes sense to anyone but i was a little?

thanks
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cdubsbabii
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 10:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your looking at the negative parts before anything has even happened, believe me i also do the samething and it doesn't make the situation any easier. It just makes you dwell and worry when you don't need to. I'd give it sometime, especially since he's reassuring you that everything will be ok, just trust him. Im sure he wants everything to work out just like you do and will find a way to make it happen. Just give it sometime and trust your boyfriend, if he loves you (which im sure he does) then he'll make time for you.

Hope i helped & good luck, im sure everythin will work out.

~Dani
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 8:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah your right, i think im used to being able to stay over every night of the week as he wasn't working evening. We are making time, it just means me doing alot of running around (meeting him at 5am and 2am). I'll just have to get used to it. Im used to seeing him everyday which maybe was a bad thing as ive kinda relied on him to be happy (e.g. something to look forward to after work etc) and neglected my friends and family more. Suppose i could meet him for a few hours, doesn't necessarily mean i have to sleep over. Also, i feel that the time we do spend together will be very special and im already looking forward to it.

Im thinking a little differently now, hope this will last

thanks
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 12:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks like Dani gave you some good advice semajlean!

Good luck to you both, remember always try to look on the positive side of things & you will be fine. Smile
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