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Negative Thinking, Need help!!!
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2007 4:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks again. This is my first relationship, i just find it hard when were apart. How can i feel better when were apart instead of always thinking about him. Typing here helps. We discussed children in a general conversation which seemed to have played on his mind as ive not put thought into it but mentioned surrogates which he didn't like (i dont want kids till late 20's early 30's neway).

Also what do you think to this, my bf thinks me spending three nights in a row is enough, else he feels we loose that need to be with each other, those fireworks when we see each other. Like he needs that alone time to keep the relationship fresh and too have our own space. I agree but worry about the future if we decided to live together.

What are your views on this?

Apart from that everything is great, atm, ive spent 5 wonderful months with my bf and have learnt alot. Im alot happier then i used to be and look forward to my future with him.

Thanks
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 1:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm not sure what to think of that, but it could really just be what he has told you. He wants to be w/you, but to also have some "alone time" so that when you 2 see each other again, you can both feel that "newness" of your relationship.

Sometimes when a couple spends too much time together it can get a bit "routine". So, he just might have a good idea to keep things fresh & fun.
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 3:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I definately think he wants that alone time to keep the relationship fresh. Its just im more open about how i feel and what i say, for example, when i say "i would never cheat on you"... he doesn't say it back? Maybe because he feels the need not to say it, i dont know. Its where trust will play a big part in our relationship. Maybe (again) im being a bit paranoid. Just had an amazing meal with him and will finally be introducing him to my family. Very stressful time coming out to both of them, but have finally built up the courage to sit down and speak to them. Whats your view on my relationship from an outsiders point of view.

Your a big help ~Angel~

thanks
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 6:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My views are I think you have a pretty good relationship. Your partner may want to be a little more communicative w/you though. Alot of your posts on your thread here, you seem to have to ask him things before he talks to you.

That could be something to talk to him about, why he isn't really talkative to you about certain things, mainly some of the stuff you have posted here.

Other than that, I think you are doing well in your first relationship.

I wish you both the best! Smile
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think its my fear of him stopping loving me. Like if he doesn't give my eye contact alot of the time, or say anything or hold me etc that I feel he is getting bored of me. He's agreed on meeting my family this week. Its been quite emotional for myself coming out to my parents as i have felt alone when im at home as i couldn't turn to anyone in my family which means i had distanced myself from my parents. Im going to talk to them on weds and hopefully have them meet my bf this week.

I was scared of my bf freeking out but he seems he wants to get to know my family which means he can stay over at my house without feeling awkward and having to stay in my room. Im so glad my parents are going to support me and i hope this will bring us closer together.
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Nivrellc.com
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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 5:57 pm    Post subject: My 2 Cents Reply with quote

There's an old saying "when u act and think negatively, negative things come to you." You get what u expect. I know from my experience when I deal with negative people they think about bad things first before they can see the good in a situation. Things are proabaly not as bad as u think they are. Have an open and honest talk with your mate and tell your partner exactly how u feel and why u feel this way. A friend of mine told me this "If you think about someone and your first thought of them is a negative thought you should not be with that person." Hope this helps and I wish the best outcome for your relationship. Stay strong, Nivrellc.com
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2007 9:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks

Ive definitely been more positive. Had an amazing few days with my bf. He surprised me with a barbecue on his roof. He also helped me when i was upset after talking to my parents. My mum has been very supportive but my dad took it quite bad, i just hope he'll come to terms with it soon. My mum also met my bf and they got on well. I'm really enjoying my relationship. I know my bf loves me so much, and showed it alot, spending time with me even when he should be job hunting. My doubts about him are slowly fading, for some reason i had a horrible feeling he was cheating only due to the fact that i thought he was being secretive when i would ask him who texted him and not really getting a proper answer, however, he said if i really want or need to know, he'll tell me. Maybe thats something i just need to deal with.

I definitely agree that having time apart actually brings us closer. Makes us look forward to spending time with each other and actually having things to talk about. At the moment, i am very happy and am looking forward to what the future will bring.

Thank you for those who helped
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smoothoperator
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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why don't you take it slow for a while!?

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Divine Miss
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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 9:31 am    Post subject: very similar Reply with quote

My post isnt a resolution but just to let you know that I am very similar. I never question his love for me but when i am alone i do get into low moods just thinking about him.

Sometimes i do take my moods out on him, but i make sure i tell him that i am sorry and i know that i am in the wrong when i do this. Just like you i too feel like my actions will one day push him away but no matter how hard i try my anger never stops being omitted onto him.

I am forever thinking that one day someone better will come along and treat him the way he needs to be treated because im not doing that constantly. I dont abuse him or anything, but regularly give him the cold shoulder if i feel upset with him for any given reason.

I think you should talk to him about it. Let him know that you are aware of it and that you want to change, and it would help if he could do as much as he could to help you change. Not by giving in and texting you out of the blue all of the time but maybe abit of reassurance and understanding will go a long way and help build up the relationship and bring you closer instead of pushing him away.

Just to let you know that i totally understand where you are coming from.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 12:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:dc1474e93d="semajlean"]Thanks

Ive definitely been more positive. Had an amazing few days with my bf. He surprised me with a barbecue on his roof. He also helped me when i was upset after talking to my parents. My mum has been very supportive but my dad took it quite bad, i just hope he'll come to terms with it soon. My mum also met my bf and they got on well. I'm really enjoying my relationship. I know my bf loves me so much, and showed it alot, spending time with me even when he should be job hunting. My doubts about him are slowly fading, for some reason i had a horrible feeling he was cheating only due to the fact that i thought he was being secretive when i would ask him who texted him and not really getting a proper answer, however, he said if i really want or need to know, he'll tell me. Maybe thats something i just need to deal with.

I definitely agree that having time apart actually brings us closer. Makes us look forward to spending time with each other and actually having things to talk about. At the moment, i am very happy and am looking forward to what the future will bring.

Thank you for those who helped[/quote:dc1474e93d]

I missed this post before.

I wanted to say that's great that things are going in the positive direction for your relationship & also that you are feeling stronger too.

Good luck ot you both & I wish for you to have nothing but great days! Smile
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ive just gone and done it again,

Why do i always question my trust with my boyfriend?

I just get so insecure sometimes and feel like i cant talk to him about things in case i upset it. It always seems like its me who's insecure as i seem to not be able to fully trust him yet I've been given no real reason not to trust him.

I just end up getting down over a little things then question him about it over the phone when were apart?

For example, my boyfriend had a picture of me on his phone, too which he changed to his best friend which upset me. He said he did it because i alway said i didn't like the picture. He then put a picture of me on his wallpaper but the picture of his best friend remains on the flip side of his phone which he says his phone doesn't work, but i seem to not believe him but don't want to call me a liar??????

My boyfriend also expects these occurrences of me getting down etc as they seem to happen on a one - two weekly basis which really upsets me. How can i start to enjoy my relationship and not worry whether he's thinking of me, loves me, being faithful to me? Should i see a counselor?
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 1:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe talking to a counselor might help. Sounds to me that you could have trust issues, when you 2 aren't together you get to thinking all these negative thoughts, then you work yourself up to knowing it could be true. Which could put a strain on your relationship in the long run.

So, it might be good to have a talk face to face w/a counselor or maybe even a good friend that can help you out w/the thoughts you have.
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I spoke to a close friend and it really helped. However, on tuesday night something very strange happened.

I finished work and my bf was there to meet me. I was a bit frustrated and annoyed as my manager was making me wait behind for no reason and my bf was walking around outside instead of waiting in the reception area.

During the walk home i was telling him how annoyed i was with my manager and didn't like that he was walking around outside (he was outside as he was tired and falling asleep). All of a sudden we both were really quite. My bf was talking more then i was but i was being more physical (arm around his neck etc).

I felt that something was wrong as normally he responds to it, and he thought something was wrong with me as i wasn't talking much. We remained being pretty quite to each other most of the evening. I only broke the ice when he made food and i left him on his own and become extremely quite and couldn't look at me, so i asked him what was wrong.

Anyway, it was a big misunderstanding as we both thought each other was grumpy and that i took us a while to talk about it. We both spent the night together.

The next day, i could still feel there was something wrong. I was trying all day to be the same usual self but i wasn't talking as much and he was talking but not being physical. I spent the whole day with him with it on my mind, trying to talk about it but not getting very far.

It was later that evening i just burst into tears, the whole day had just built up, all i could think about was the good time i normally have and how i didn't have any of that during the time i spent with him.

He cuddled and kissed me to comfort me, and allowed me to cool down before asking me to talk about it. I just said his lack of response and him not being his usual self really hurt me, he said he couldn't be his usual self because of the night before bugged me but he did try, which hurt me more. He also said that i wasn't talking as much as usual.

Basically, we both hurt each other in a way that could have been resolved just through talking, but we let it build up to something that made it seem worse. Does this normally happen in relationships?

I hope it doesn't happen for a long time.

Anyway, ill be staying over tonight. With a different attitude, that im looking forward to seeing him, and being with him.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 12:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like you 2 had a misunderstanding due to lack of talking. Always remember in a relationship, talk about things that are on your mind. It really helps, but from what I read you both realized that already, so that's a step in the right direction. Smile

Good luck to you both!
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Randy
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is always like that, the 2 have to can talk together to can clear up any misunderstanding, and often outside people put them in between to hinder the 2 to can talk, so to worsen the situation and it is the worse that can happen.
Some people are like that who get pleasure from destroyinh other people relationships, even the 2 involved do their best to can communicate.
Lack of communication has always the same negative results, but how that lack occur can often be due to external causes, like people and influences around those primary involved.
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