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Negative Thinking, Need help!!!
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 11:26 pm    Post subject: Negative Thinking, Need help!!! Reply with quote

Hi,

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 22 years old. We are a gay couple. I have been dating him for nearly 5 months now but have found that recently, my negative thinking is becoming a problem. Everytime im with him, something small will occur and i'll be really cold or down with him. He is a student and in his final year so is extremely busy with work. My problem is, i always seem to want more from him, reasurrance, love, affection and more, even though i constantly hear him telling me he loves me and things that wouldn't make someone be so insecure as i feel at the moment.

I get down over text messages not being replied to (e.g. i sent a text message saying how much i love him etc with no reply, i call him about it and find he wasn't going to text back because he has little credit on his mobile phone and was saving it so it would last over the weekend, yet all i wanted was to see if he appreciated it). I worry that i will push him away.

I also seem to get down when im on my own and i always have expectations that he'll text me out of the blue, but rarely happens so i question his love for me. Most people would say i need to relax and enjoy what i have, as on countless occasions, he has shown commitment and love, yet i always want more and think of the bads things when im alone and wanting him. What can i do to reduce my negative thinking?

Any help would be greatly appreciated

thanks
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anyone able to help please?
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 1:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's going to be hard, but maybe give him a little space. He tells you that he loves you & that's a good thing. If he's busy, he just might not have the time to send you a text back right away. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you anymore, it's just that he is busy.

If you push him too hard, you could end up losing him, so let him have a little space. Don't get so upset when he doesn't text you back right away or if he doesn't constantly tell you how he feels about you. A good suggestion when you are feeling upset, sit back & think about things he has done for you in the past & also all the other loving talks he has had w/you. That could help in reassuring you that he does love you & might calm you down a bit.

Good luck
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thankyou so much

It is a busy time for him. I just feel a little distant and cold from him thats all as i wont see him till thrusday and its strange since i normally stay 3-4 times a week. I think ive upset him as i was upset a little and kinda kept texting him. His reply was that he cant keep texting me because im paranoid. What should i do?

thanks
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think you should found more satisfaction within yourself instead to be so depending on one person as you are now.
You ask for him to fill up a void you have inside that nobody can fill up but you.
You are unsure with yourself and project it onto him.
You ahve to wrok up on yourself, first, your relationship is perfect, you are destroying it because of your small insecurities.
Try to approach this with humour instead, and make laugh at yourself, at what you do, at your pessimisme, at you always expectations never met and expectatiosn of the worse, ending on selffulfilling prophethies..
got the point now?
So stop repressing you and others, and see it more relaxed, and learn to laugh at you pseudo relationproblem who is based on an existential problem in fact.
How do I fill the void inside me?
soem go to see a gurou other go to church, some go into politic or the environement, or in music or drugs, and some drink, and some get into complicated love or complicate it because of it (like you do) and some became paranoid and feel the universe is conspirering agaisnt them..and theyt get other paranoid by their attitude.
Soem get Philosophy class, to understand it, other just go to see a shrink, and soem get drawn in work loads to forget about it, and some get some silly hobby so they cannot think of it, or at least seems not to, and other jsut choose to get mad and shoot around, other conspire back against the universe and start a war..and some just wait for soembody else to pick them up of their shit like a flower to bring them into a save place.
All that resume the world, and you are in it and you too you are unsure. I got it resolved , you havent. Thats not a big deal, easy for me to say too, I concede that, but really, just forget about it, all you have to do is seek happyness and what is good for you and others around you.
Seek beauty,a nd the good in all, do not give to receive back, do not expect from aonther what you can give to yourself here and now.
Just let it flow,
Create security by being secure inside oyu, around you.
You need nothing that oyu havent got
and you got everything you ever wanted
else is no matter
do things, create things, watch things, out of yourself
open up to the world around you, suck it in, collect all data, process it, contacts, talk, impressions, in short create yourself more life experience, and when you will have enough of htem, then you can coem back to yourself and this void,a nd fill it with what you understood was the essence of it all.
Until then, just understand what could make you happy and seek happyness.
Nothing else.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 1:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just do your best to relax when you start to feel paranoid. As I suggested before, sit back & think about past conversations, etc., that might help to calm you down.

Also, take some time to do things for yourself. When you 2 are apart it would help if you have a hobby or something that you might like to do to help keep you busy. That way you won't be having those paranoid thoughts running through your head, so you won't start texting him alot.

Good luck! Smile
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 9:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol, ive got a loving bf thanks. The past few days im definately being more positive. Have had some good talks to my bf and he agrees that i need to be more positive. Today i was missing him so i put the music on loud, sat and thought about some good times and what the future holds and that it wont be long to see him. I know i need to become more independant and enjoy what we have, not to be selfish and expect too much. A little paranoia is ok, but im learning to relax and take more notice in the good things that he does, little or small. Speaking about my problems here has opened my eyes up and allowed me to understand the faults i need to work on. Im going to start to write when i get down and think of the good times.

thanks
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 12:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice to see oyu could come out of it on oyur own and so easily..
You just drawn yourself in a glass of water, and now realised it wasnt so deep after all! Very Happy

I hope you get really fine with it, and become more and more able to relate on yourself, to enjoy being with yourself, without feeling uneasy, with the need to be in contact with someone else.
It is nice to have a bf taking care of you, even if you cant be together 100% of the time.. so be glad for what you 2 have, and think about what hell it will be if you were always together, and if he was so demanding óf your time and attention as you were to him!
You think you will love it, but maybe you will hate it!
Its best when you are more relaxed with it, because it also alow him to come with things he maybe never show, like if he is in a bad mood for some external reasons, to show it out to oyu, to can say things he feel, good or bad, without feeling he has to be carefull what he utter all the time, like walking on egg shells.

Love his imperfections, or yours, who make you see his own nature as being imperfect, and none of those things who hurted you and irritatedyou before will have that effect on you anymore, because you will have understood that it is whom you are and whom he is, and that it is also part of the reasons why you love each others and are together.

Good luck with your relationship![img:33c8d53a1b]http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/Sophie-Ocean/FLEURS%20ET%20SIGNES/OFRV01P04_15.jpg[/img:33c8d53a1b]

Very Happy
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2007 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:5b8eceec3b="semajlean"]lol, ive got a loving bf thanks. The past few days im definately being more positive. Have had some good talks to my bf and he agrees that i need to be more positive. Today i was missing him so i put the music on loud, sat and thought about some good times and what the future holds and that it wont be long to see him. I know i need to become more independant and enjoy what we have, not to be selfish and expect too much. A little paranoia is ok, but im learning to relax and take more notice in the good things that he does, little or small. Speaking about my problems here has opened my eyes up and allowed me to understand the faults i need to work on. Im going to start to write when i get down and think of the good times.

thanks[/quote:5b8eceec3b]

Good that what you typed above has helped you. It can only get better the more you become independant & the more you also do what you typed above.

Take care! Smile
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 2:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the replies, just got another question.

What would you think if you had to ask your partner to hold you or be intimate whereas before you didn't have to?

Just over the past few days, ive had to ask for him to hold me, make me feel wanted etc. Usually in the street, he'll kiss me on the arm, or hold me but recently ive had to ask for that little attention. Am i just being paranoid?

thanks
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 6:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, I'm not sure.

Have you asked him why for the past few days you have to ask him to be affectionate to you?
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2007 8:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

He said that i cant expect the things i want every second of the day im with him as he also feels the same at times. Maybe i was being too needy.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2007 12:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Could be that your being a bit too needy. Try to relax & let him being affectionate towards you when you 2 are together happen naturally.

You don't want to push him away.

Take care! Smile
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semajlean
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PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2007 10:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was just being paranoid. Just had an amazing time with him. Ive just got so much to learn, but slowly and surely, i'm becoming more relax. Thanks for your help
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2007 12:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good I'm glad that you are feeling better hun! Smile

A relationship is really all about "baby steps", you learn & grow each day.

Take care! Smile
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