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I want to help him....
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LoveFrank
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:50 am    Post subject: I want to help him.... Reply with quote

Hi I'm new here and really need help please.

Story....I met a man through a educational situation. A few weeks into this situation I found myself going to bed and dreaming of him. I have never had dreams like this ever. About a week before the program was over I emailed him of my thoughts. I did not hear from him till the class had been over for a few days. At first he was so happy that I had emailed him and seemed to have the same feelings as I. We talked online for about week nothing bad just about things. He seemed to have drown me in and then all of a sudden he shut it off. We met a few days after I felt the change. He told me he was just getting out of a relationship that had gone on for over a year and he is a broken man. My heart was broken for him. We are still talking and have met agin last week. He is so torn that he can't even move on. There is a small difference in age about 15 years and that doesn't bother me. I'm here because no matter what I feel I need to be here for him. I know he can't give me anything but I just feel that he needs someone. Please help me to help him. What can I do? Our last meeting was because he thought I had stronger feelings for him and he doesn't want me to get hurt. I do have some feelings but I don't know what they are. Is there anything I can do to ehlp him get through this weather we have a chance or not? Please reply so I can help. I don't know what else to do aside from not communicating with him. When he hugs me I feel something from him not sure if it's true or if I'm wishing. Crying or Very sad

Thank you
LoveFrank
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manny25
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 9:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That sounds like a difficult situation. For now it seems like he really needs a friend and he has found that in you. If you are comfortable in this roll then continue to be that pillar. Do things with him that friends do, the mall, baseball games, casual dinner, watch movies. See where it goes from there. Make him realize that not everyone is evil and cruel. However if you feel you are in too deep as you stand now you need to ease away from contact with him. Don't do it all at once just a little less each time. That is for your own good.
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LoveFrank
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 11:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[b:d519b50efb]Do things with him that friends do, the mall, baseball games, casual dinner, watch movies. [/b:d519b50efb]

That's the problem too we don't do the friend thing. I'm thinking he has friends but I sence he doesn't do things with them. He told me that he doesn't want to lose my friendship because he doesn't have many and can't afford to lose another. I'm so stuck and then I didn't email him for a week and he didn't either but now I feel like that was enough and we haven't wrote in two days. The last email the other day was sweet and he was hoping I was ok but then nothing. I know that when he gets through this he may not want to be with me even though he has made comments about "what if I walk out the door and i'm the one". Or "where will I be in a month"? Whichh these comments upset me because I'm alot younger than him and I do have lots of friends that do things together and I won't wait. He wants to get through this but I don't think I can help. He told me I was helping. I hope I wasn't wrong by not emailing him for a week. I was hoping it was a good thing but now I don't know. I guess I just go about my life and if he needs me I try to be here to listen.

Confussed,
LoveFrank
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 3:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is really kind of you LoveFrank.

But well, you have got your life too... And as you said it, you do have lots of friends that do things together and you won't wait... You are certainly doing the right thing.

As a friend, what you can do is to show him that you care. Offering your ears is a good way of showing you care. It's always nice to have someone who is willing to hear your problem and... isn't it? But only as a friend or a good friend, yeah? Well, just afraid that you might unknowingly fall too deep, hurting yourself in the end... Remember, you deserve happiness not sadness and you certainly have a choice over which to choose... Wink
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LoveFrank
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 6:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="scorpio"]It is really kind of you LoveFrank.

I think now I might of been too kind. Last week I emailed him [b:bcbbd45342]just[/b:bcbbd45342] to check on him because I haven't heard from him. He replied and was very nice and was hoping I was ok. I replied and said "Yes I'm Doing Very Well". I haven't heard from him since last Wednesday. I'm ok with it, I'm actully feeling much better than I have in weeks. I haven't emailed him again nor have I even check my mail till this am. I just don't understand why now nothing? Did we only email becasue I was responsive? What about all the comments about me walking out the door and I could be the one? What about the hugs? What about the feelings he said he had? Was it all false? I'm not sad, I just don't understand. I do wonder if he got back together with his ex after telling me he never goes back. Maybe she changed her mind. Which is great for him but for her to hurt him and then turn it around after two or three months. As long as he is happy I know this sounds bad but I do hope that I had a reaction on him he told me I was helping and that I made him feel good about himself. I just hope he hasn't forgotten about me yet but I'm affraid he has. He deserves love and happiness. He is one of those great guys every girl wants to be with.

Thanx, LoveFrank.
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 4:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He deserves love and happiness... Yes, and what about you LoveFrank? You of course deserve love and happiness too...

Now, he has to be helping himself, to face up and accept reality and to move on in life... and not to be uncertain about things and make only not his heart but others broken... Well, I sure hope he has not broken yours too badly?

I must say that you are a very kind girl, LoveFrank... to actually have the thoughts of him getting back together with his ex and to be able to be a happy man again...

Well, what to say... Such a kind girl like you is one great girl whom every guys want to be with. And such a girl like you, I must say again, deserve real love and happiness and I am sure you be blessed with one, LoveFrank. Don't get frozen in time yeah?

Now this can be some sweet memories to be kept but well, there are just more sweet memories waiting for you to be created... Wink
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LoveFrank
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:3a0975b857="scorpio"]
Such a kind girl like you is one great girl whom every guys want to be with. And such a girl like you, I must say again, deserve real love and happiness and I am sure you be blessed with one, LoveFrank. Don't get frozen in time yeah? [/quote:3a0975b857]

Thank you but I don't feel that way. I'm blind when it comes to broken hearted people and don't know what to say. With him I ended up putting on a happy face and clicking myself over to "friend". I feel now that time has passed sence we have even emailed that him asking for a friend was just a way to get rid of me. I don't know the workings of a broken heart but I know after we last met I think I felt it. All I know is there was something when we hugged and I feel it in my bones. I know he is broken and we may never come together again but if I only knew that I made a impression that would be fine. I tend to try and put my feelings aside for others and I'm told sometimes that isn't good.

Your email was very sweet and I hope that it was true and that it wasn't posted to try and make me feel better.

Thank you, LoveFrank
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 6:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"but if I only knew that I made a impression that would be fine..." Hmmm... so you are actually saying that you were hoping that he would have feeling for you or...?

Well anyway, to be putting your feeling aside for others... I would say it is without doubts not going to be in anyway good nor sensible... You certainly have to consider your own feeling too... You have the responsibilty of your own life to be taking care of. To be shouldering too much of a worries and burden for others is just going to be more tiring for you... Will you truly be able to handle it? You might ended up being the one whom will be more hurted...

Hmmm.... anyway, I hope I didn't get what you were saying wrong?
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LoveFrank
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:f5569edaec="scorpio"]so you are actually saying that you were hoping that he would have feeling for you or...?

You might ended up being the one whom will be more hurted [/quote:f5569edaec]

Don't most want to know that they are thought of? He told me sometime ago that he did feel something. I'm sorry but it felt nice at the time to hear those words true or not. Hurt!! I'm not sure if that's the words due to the fact that we hadn't shared much but talking. I'm not sure what the words are but I think hurt might be to strong. I guess by not hearing from him anymore that just may speak for it's self. I'm usually right on with my gut and I'm thinking not hearing from him is due to him not wanting to tell me something. We had a honest relationship and wouldn't hold back words that we needed to say. He knew that I was a blint person and he too also became one. Now the words are held and I don't know what happened. So I guess that I wasn't thought of and just have to brush if off as good memories like you said.

Thank you for replying you seem to make me open my eyes and I look forward to your words.

From, LoveFrank
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, perhaps he is not ready for another relationship and is feeling that he can't provide you with the love and happiness you want, to be ending up just hurting you... and would hope that you will forget about him along the with silent... You were saying that he hasn't been replying you?

Well, I guess maybe it might be good to leave it as some nice memories...

To be thought of by someone? The most blissful that can ever be... is to be for that someone to be one whom truly love you; he always thinking of you and vice versa... Wink
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LoveFrank
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 11:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I sent him a email on Wednesday trying to keep the lines of communication open. I know he had been very busy but has never went more than a day without replying. Not sure why this has happened due to the fact that he was hoping until he got through his mess that we could still email. All I can think of is I told him in his last email two weeks ago, "I was doing very well". Maybe he doesn't want to change that. I'm guessing your right about him thinking I will forget which I will and now I'm kicking myself for emailing him. I haven't since then and I honestly don't think I will. Actually, I know I can't and I won't.

I know this mess sounds strange but I honestly feel that I'm going through this becaseu I let myself be drawn in and I never wanted that to happen. I'm a adult and this mess just sounds awful. I hate myself for ever speaking my heart and now it's left to be stepped on. I have never put myself in a position like this and I don't know why I did.

Thank you for the vent, LoveFrank
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LoveFrank
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok I checked my email last night before I got some much needed rest and what do you know there was one from him!! I haven't heard from for nearly two weeks. I haven't replied and not so sure if I should. Any ideas???? Damn it!!
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now, I can see that there is hesistation within you... Why? Still wondering whether is it right for you to go on, hoping a relationship could happen? (hmmm...? Is that what on your mind btw?)

Do give yourself sometime to think through things, tidying up your feeling... This can be a reply from a friend (A pure friendship from a friend, sending hers regards and wishes...) Or it can be a reply with a bit of love from a girl (a very uncertain feeling of love?)

With what of an intention are you, going to be sending this very reply? Think about it... There is definitely no harm in knowing more friends but do just note, there are still many other good friends too... and nevertheless just more opportunites... Do remember to look around yourself LoveFrank. Just hoping you won't get too blinded by things... Wink

Anyway, what was it that he has written?
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LoveFrank
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 1:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:aa4c68bead="scorpio"]Now, I can see that there is hesistation within you... Why? Still wondering whether is it right for you to go on, hoping a relationship could happen? (hmmm...? Is that what on your mind btw?)

I think the hesitation is me knowing that my thoughts and feeling might be going away. I honestly believe we have no chance and if we did we wouldn't of lost contact. But I blame the contact of me and if I hadn't kept replying it may have never gone this far. Your good how do you know so much. Very Happy

Anyway, what was it that he has written?[/quote:aa4c68bead]

It was just him telling me about the program for his job that he has been doing for the past two weeks and then at the bottom said "I hope your doing well". It was quiet long. I did reply yesterday, but only as a friend. I said "congrats on making it through the weeks and told him that I'm sure he handled the weeks just fine and be sure to rest". I then wrote "I'm sun shine and roses no need to hope for wellness".

I think that was good. I didn't want to write anything that would make him think other wise or think that I was feeling.

Thank you, LoveFrank
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 5:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[i:675642939b]"I'm sun shine and roses no need to hope for wellness".[/i:675642939b]

Hmmm...? Well, I guess you are saying you are just fine and doing ok?

Anyway, it seem to me that you are feeling good with your reply for him? Guess you have made some decision for yourself? Whatever it is, shine on LoveFrank. A "Sun Shine" happy girl will always be an attractive girl... Trust me! Wink
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