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Please everyone, I need an advice

 
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hohodicestu
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:24 pm    Post subject: Please everyone, I need an advice Reply with quote

I've living with this guy for 5 years. And he recently told me that he has a 7 years old daugther. He kept this from me this whole time. He also told me that he haven't met his own daugther. And the mother of that girl works with him at the same place. So basically they see each other daily and sometimes they have lunch together. Should I forget about the whole thing and start it all over with him or just break up with him?
Please everyone...any advice?????
thanks
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

5 yrs and you just found out he has a kid? That's not good.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thats soooo weird.
talk with them both.
arrange a meeting with you 3, where you can discuss things open.
that oone is needed, because 5 years, of course he has seen the girl.
no doubt about that.
this is a lie he made.
You have to confront them straight out
5 years is along time, he doesnt have the right to keep that from you for so long.,
working at the same place and all..
just talk together. found out what have been the reaosn for keeping it secret.
you will feel better, and everyone too, and you can take a decision later on, when you will have think things through.
But first you need data, real ones, what was the matter and what had gone on for 5 years.
It is best to do like that. It must be a very hard one on you.
Contact his ex, and have a real talk with her, ask her to help you in this, and be all nice toe ach others, so that past mistakes dont hurt the way they could, and that things can settled in a positive way.

God luck with this, be strong, and I hope all will turn out for the better for you.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 1:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I knew someone that had never met his daughter, so he could be telling you the truth in saying he hasn't met her.

Anyway...you've been together 5 years & he just NOW tells you that he has a child (doesn't matter if he met her or not), the is unacceptable. I'm sure you have asked him if he had children before, right? If you have & he didn't tell you, that isn't right at all. Also, he works w/his ex & has lunch w/her sometimes? Has he told you about this before? Or? Did he tell you all this when he told you about the daughter?
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hohodicestu
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This guy is such a lier. I think I'll never find out the truth because when I asked him same questions in different times, the answers are all different. And his ex doesn't want to talk with me.
I think it's better for me to just walk away from this situation and start it over. I know it still hurts me a lot, but I'm positive that I'm making a right decision.
What do you guys think about it?
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 2:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It sounds very strange, it seems obvious that they have kept a very close contact together during all those years and that you should know why they are not together why they divorced and if they were married or not before.
Of course he has seen his daughter and very often, and he lies completely, might have had an affair with his ex all the time. He hiide things and you have to know hte whole story and get him to talka nd tell him he gave you different answers and ask him why.
You cant trust a guy like that and i am really sorry for you that you have to face that you waisted 5 years of your life with such an idiot.
She dosnt want to talk with you?
Are you sure? did you asked her or did he told you that?
Because he is certainly not interested to have you 2 talk together because it will unveil him and what he did all those years.
So get her name, and go meet her and talk to her. Bebold and foud out what happened all thsoe years.
So you will know before leaving him, and will not have to speculate about it for years to come. You waisted enough time with that jerk.
Get to the bottom of it, and leave. He isnt worth your trust nor to be with you.
Only think about you and take only care of you, you are the most impostant, only do the things who are necessary for you to feel better and to dont leave behind you any gap that you will never be able to fill unless you do it now.
Attack. Take charge, go directly at it, take them by surprise. meet her after work or at her place, ring at the door and talk with her, and tell her he told you that she didnt wanted to talk with you.
Say you want to end it but need to know the truth, create an atmosphere of trust, between the two of you, and get as much info you can get.
Dont tell him you visited her, ask her to dont say a word about it.
And give him the same treatment: armed with real informations, prepare his cross. examination that he will not expect, and got all cards on the table or as many as you can extract from him.
Dont fall for any soap opera he might try to stick you with, and what you got all you needed, tell him to get lost, and end it there.
That way you will have refound your pride and selfworht, and will not come out as a victim but as a winner, which will feel much better, and insure you to can found a much better match next time, and very fast, as you will not be so weight down by this one, than if you leave now without knowing a thing.
It will be a big bonus for you in the immediat and in the future.

I wish you good luck with that, and good that you have the energy and ressources to end it up and are not all destroyed by this.
That kind of things where you ask yourself after 5 years whom you have really been living with is the worse kind of situation. You are left with the feeling of having been living in a lie, while he had all the cards and never showed you any.. keeping the upper hand, for some sick reasons of his own.
Drop that jerk ASAP, and be glad it didnt lasted one month more!
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If he is constantly changing his stories when you confront him, no amount of you asking him the same questions is going to change that, it'll just change the story.

Get rid of him, take time to heal & do for yourself. Then go out & have some fun & find somebody that won't be a liar & cheat.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 12:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah !
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hohodicestu
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 4:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all of you. I really needed to hear something from someone. What you guys wrote means a lot to me.

Ocean,
I've called his ex once and she told me that she doesn't want to talk and it's not her problem, but mine. Also, she told him that I called and he got mad and wanted to hit me, then he stop. I guess he was afraid because I told him I will go to the police.
I feel like I don't want to deal with this situation anymore. He keeps tellking me that the only reason he was close to his ex because of his daughter, but I don't really care anymore. They don't want to talk about it and there's no way I could find out the true. I just want to move on and be happy the way I was before.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 4:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anyone that can hit a girl, you don't want to be with anyway.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 5:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good for you, you don't need that kind of drama. Also, any man that even attempts to hit a woman isn't worth living.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 6:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good ! If no one talks to me on here, at least I'm worth living. Rolling Eyes
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Come on love, it isnt the end of the world! Wink

and hoho, you are right to go away, his reactions talk for themselves. the other woman cant said to you it is your problem when she is so much involved in it first with the child then with working at the same place and meeting him always, and he doesnt have the right to decide if you can talk to her or not. So if you want to know you ahve to go to her home and ask her there and tell her she has a part in it, it isnt between you and your man it is you 3 in it, 4 with the daughter. If you dont want to know more, just walk away without contacting her, and never contact this jerk again.
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pedro_9k6k
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PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2008 4:27 pm    Post subject: Dating Reply with quote

Yeah! I am with you and wishing you for great time!
All the best!
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sadgrl
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 5:08 pm    Post subject: yikes! Reply with quote

woah that's shocking!!!!!
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