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I'm so frustrated....
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AnonyWife
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:13 pm    Post subject: I'm so frustrated.... Reply with quote

I'll try to make this as short as possible...

Basically I've just about had it with my husband's job. Every other week he's on call. When he's not on call, he still gets called. He works in the tech industry so whenever something breaks, he has to drop anything and everything to go work on it. We also carpool which throws another wrench in the situation. If he has to stay at work late, I have to do the same.

His coworker is on call on the weeks that he's not, but it seems like his coworker doesn't really do anything to help. He went to India for about 2 months while my husband and his boss had to cover on call shifts for him.

It seems like my husband's job is taking over our marriage. We never really get to spend one-on-one time anymore and any free time we have seems to always be interrupted by his phone ringing cuz of work.

I'm really sick and tired of it. If you all recall from my last post, I mentioned that he was looking for a new job to hope alleviate the situation. The problem is, that potential job didn't work out. I keep asking him to udpate his resume and post it on various websites, but he hasn't done so.

I have expressed my frustrations to him clearly and quite bluntly, but he still hasn't done anything to improve the situation.

What else can I do?
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You could have a dead beat as a husband. One that doesn't want to work. Then you wonder how the bills will get paid. Doctors are always on call (they don't like it either), but no job is perfect and all jobs can cause stress in more ways than one.
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AnonyWife
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am fully aware that things could always be worse, but this has been a problem since the moment we started dating. You'd think I'd get used to it by now, but I'm not. Am I doomed to a life with a guy who eats, drinks, sleeps work every day every night?

I just wish we had a normal balanced relationship. Is it so bad to want that?

I'm on the verge of tears sitting here an hour past the time we were supposed to go home because I'm [i:2d913ea188]still[/i:2d913ea188] waiting...

I think in retrospect this is going to sound pretty petty and silly of me, however this added onto everything else around me is crushing me. I don't know how much I can take. [/i]
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

talk with him as how the both of you could solve that problem and to bring that problem to the firm decisions board.
what about all the others in that firm? do they have the same problems? if it is so usual and often that they have the need of a technician, must be because they need one permanently and not on call, one for the day and others for the night. so there must be technicians fast employed for the nigth, as there is for the day. this way all problems will be solved.
from what you say it s the case and the firm save on salary by doing what they do now but that doesnt go.
those technicians must talk together and do something about it, claim about it to the board,becasue it is unhuman and unffair to crave from workers to be like that at hand no matter if they are free or not. thats against the law. thats slavage. i know the working market in the US is really a big shit compare to Europe, and that you have no laws protecting the workers and that their influence on their working situation is close to zero, but try ask your husband about it and how all of them could get organised to talk to the director and discuss an agreement.
Sometimes, private problems crave a solution involving others and sometimes, your solution is solving problems for plenty others. And thats one of those case we have here.
As for what you told and how oyu feel, for both of you i will say: " What a shit life!" so get somethings done because i am sure that all the others are in the same situation, try also to talk with the wife nd gf of the other people he work with and see if in fact it isnt the same for them all.. and that they certainly wish things to change.
Get organise, together you have power, alone, you can nothing.
Good luck! Wink
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 1:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you could update his resume & post it on web sites for him, ask him if he wouldn't mind you doing that for him. He may not have the time to do it, himself. It doesn't take alot of time, but it seems that he doesn't have time to do much of anything. So maybe you doing that for him might get him in the mind frame of looking for something else.

You can get the ball rolling & he can take it from there when he gets call backs & goes on interviews, it just might help.

Good luck!
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 1:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, that is a good idea. Unless he gets mad that she did it. I don't know the guy to say, but I guess it's better than sitting back and doing nothing.
I was working a lot when dating a sweet girl. She wanted to do everything for me. Nice, but made me feel bad.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 1:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's why I said in my post that she could ask him first if he wouldn't mind her updating & posting his resume.
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AnonyWife
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 3:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just to give you guys an update on things. Last night we didn't end up leaving until 6:00PM (we normally get out at 4:00PM). I was going to make him a nice steak dinner, but by the time everything would be done it would be too late to eat dinner. We ended up getting take-out instead.

On the car ride home, I told him my ongoing frustrations and he just snapped back saying "Don't you think I'm frustrated as well? I'm the one doing this job." *sigh* Sometimes I wonder if he realizes how much his job impacts my feelings too. As it stands, it doesn't feel like anything got resolved and I didn't want to aggravate the situation further.

When we got home, he was supposed to "pass" the problem he was working on. Instead of that taking at most half an hour, it took him until 11PM to finish "passing" it along to the people who were supposed to handle it from then on. At 1:00AM we get a call from his coworkers in India (the ones he passed the problem to) asking him a bunch of questions. Needless to say, that call woke me up as well.

There are two problems here. 1) How much more am I supposed to take? 2) It seems like I can't even talk to him without him snapping back at me with this particular issue.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 4:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is there any "down time" that he has (vacation coming up, days off)? Maybe you could talk to him during that time about his job?

As for your other question, I can't say when it would be enough for you. It seems to me that you have talked to him (or tried to), so I'm not sure what more you could do. I'm not saying to give up though.

I guess maybe you would have to go over everything in your head & go from there on if it's been enough for you or if you think you can continue longer.

Feel free to pm me if you would like.

Take Care! Smile
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 4:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:761e96f7d6="~Angel~"]That's why I said in my post that she could ask him first if he wouldn't mind her updating & posting his resume.[/quote:761e96f7d6]

Ok, don't bite my head off, love. Oh, nice talking to you again. Laughing Wink

Friends? Confused
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AnonyWife
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 4:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We will be having some downtime at the end of March. We're going up to a lake with some friends which should be relaxing if not a short break. I guess my main fear is bringing it up again and ruining what should be a relaxing and much needed time off.

As a new wife, I feel like I have to be more patient and accepting of certain circumstances such as this which is why I haven't been more aggressive when it comes down to this particular issue.

There actually are a lot of thoughts flowing through my head as of late and as much as I want them to be heard, I don't know if that would help the situation or just make things worse. It's already bad enough that he's having issues at work beyond his control (or so it seems).

[quote:3ebc83866c="~Angel~"]Is there any "down time" that he has (vacation coming up, days off)? Maybe you could talk to him during that time about his job?

As for your other question, I can't say when it would be enough for you. It seems to me that you have talked to him (or tried to), so I'm not sure what more you could do. I'm not saying to give up though.

I guess maybe you would have to go over everything in your head & go from there on if it's been enough for you or if you think you can continue longer.

Feel free to pm me if you would like.

Take Care! Smile[/quote:3ebc83866c]
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:2754ae94ea="AnonyWife"]We will be having some downtime at the end of March. We're going up to a lake with some friends which should be relaxing if not a short break. I guess my main fear is bringing it up again and ruining what should be a relaxing and much needed time off.

As a new wife, I feel like I have to be more patient and accepting of certain circumstances such as this which is why I haven't been more aggressive when it comes down to this particular issue.

There actually are a lot of thoughts flowing through my head as of late and as much as I want them to be heard, I don't know if that would help the situation or just make things worse. It's already bad enough that he's having issues at work beyond his control (or so it seems).

[quote:2754ae94ea="~Angel~"]Is there any "down time" that he has (vacation coming up, days off)? Maybe you could talk to him during that time about his job?

As for your other question, I can't say when it would be enough for you. It seems to me that you have talked to him (or tried to), so I'm not sure what more you could do. I'm not saying to give up though.

I guess maybe you would have to go over everything in your head & go from there on if it's been enough for you or if you think you can continue longer.

Feel free to pm me if you would like.

Take Care! Smile[/quote:2754ae94ea][/quote:2754ae94ea] Oh, that sounds real nice. Enjoy your time at the lake. I like going to the country. It's beautiful, so peaceful . It's like I died and went to Heaven.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have a good point AnonyWife, don't bring it up while you 2 are relaxing, just enjoy one another, the time you are spending together & the nature all around you. Smile

Maybe just wait it out a bit longer. He is having other issues at work that could very well be why he's been short w/you when you have brought up the issue of finding another job. Maybe have a talk w/him about some of the other things you have been thinking about & see how he reacts to them. It could be he's bottling up the stressors from his job, which isn't good, maybe try to see if you can talk to him & if he will open up about other things regarding his job.
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AnonyWife
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Angel, your advice really does help me cope and deal with this thing. I also feel a tad bit better when I put this out in the open and hear your opinions.

I will take your advice and try and wait this thing out to see if things improve. Crossing my fingers Wink
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your most welcome hun. I'll be crossing my fingers for you as well.

Good luck to you, take care & if you want, keep me posted! Smile
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