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Need advice everything got crushed in just 1 week

 
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paul454
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PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 8:39 am    Post subject: Need advice everything got crushed in just 1 week Reply with quote

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I spent 7 months with this girl she is 18yrs old and we where really close and for her it was her first relation ship, i was also the first boy to be intimate with.. and from what she always told it looked like i was very important to her i was the only one that threated her right. we never faught and we where very close to each other and by the light in her eyes when she sees me i could feel hat she was overjoyed when seeing me.. she always told me that she loved me and missed me etc we also where very synchronised for exampe if i taught of something in tha very same second she would tell me the same thing that passed from my mind and this only happend with her we also had good conversation with each other we could sit down for 5 hrs talking and not stop a second we managed to keep conversations flowing we matched on everything and saw everyything in the same directiion with perfect harmony ..
She as a person is like me.. very romantic, kind hearthed and she feels alot.. and she got a tender hearth thats why all this confused me...

When she was sitting for some important exams and we spent like 1 months seeing each other rarely after an exam where she was really really tired etc.. but the first three weeks she always showed the same passion she had at the begining and a week ago she said that she is feeling like her passion has diminished and not feeling that comfortable.. can that bee from the stress of exams?.. she also todl me that she doesn;t want a serious relation ship cause we are still young me 19 and her 18 and that she realized it during exams.. i mean the thing is that she always showed me the other way round she always told me that she loved me and that she wants me and she d like to stay with me for a long time last month she slept at my house and when she was going she sort of started crying cause she wanted to stay there and her father didn't let her.. then she msgd me and told me that she found out that she feels more than she taught she feels for me.. than when sshe told me she didn't want anything serious i mentioned to her all things she used to tell me and what she used to feel for me and when i told her that i can go for good from her life etc.. she started crying on me and that confused me cause i think she stilll loves me but shes cofused when we met last she told me shes that eager as she was before but she kisses me on the lips then put her head on my shoulders and acting like she dont know what she want.., we now decided to have a break to see what we want cause its like now even i im not feeling that comfortable with what she did because i never taught of she doing like this to me.. what are your advices? is a break for a couple of days till she gets her exams and things over good? cause we decided to take this break for 1 week or 1 week and a half not seeing each other and not talk to each other i really like things will get like they where before exams.. we never argueed we never had a fight and we alays moved in perfect harmony and that why im so f..ckd up i mean its strange after all we had been trough to forget the passion in just a f,,kin week im feeling like getting mad any advices?!? reply please
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 12:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, seems to me that she is definitely in a state of feeling confused of what she wants... Perhaps she is really feeling stressed over her exams... I mean is she the type who treat her studies very seriously? I guess you should know better?

And maybe a little of a pressure from her family too? You did mentioned that her dad objected to her, staying over at your place?

Anyway, I guess it will be good to wait till her exams are over... it will definitely be easier to have a nice talk after all the tension is over... But whatever case may be, you will be giving her your support right? She will be needing it...

Give both yourself and her a little time, Paul. A good talk is definitely necessary but now may not just be a good time...
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paul454
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PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 1:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks very much scorpio.. yes very very seriously... all day studyin etc at first she used to msg me or on msn telling me she loves me etc than she started to fade a little bit.. the thing is maybe she sees her sister who is going out with my best friend always sleeping over his house taking same course etc.. maybe she is afraid we end up the same.. well i dont know right now im really confused cause i never taught of doing like this cause she always showed me im really important and she wanted to stay with me i was going abroad for three months and she told me go il wait for you i just want you etc etc than all of a suden in just 1 week she changed her mind maybe cause we met for 1 month just once a week after a day full of exams i think she will think clearly after she gets her exams out if she meant everything she told me in these months she will come to me and hope so cause i was really comfortable with her it was like she was my better half it was love at first sight
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 1:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hmmm... well, from what you said, it seems like she is feeling a bit of lost and insecure here. Not to mention with all that additional stress from her exams....

And just a wild guess here. You were saying that her dad objected to her staying over at your place? But then now, her sister is always staying over at her boyfriend's place. Perhaps that might be something going on within her family? I mean why wouldn't her dad object to her sis too? Or perhaps he did object but the sis, you know...

Ok, not suggesting that you are not treating her well enough... but I guess one of the best things you can be doing is to make her feel assured when with you... Though you guys might be quite young as how she may be feeling, you can show her that you are sincere and serious towards this relationship, willing to just be there for her....

Anyway, no point playing the guessing game here. Shall just have to wait till the exams tension is over and which then, you must find a chance to have a nice talk with her... Meanwhile, if she need a little morale support from you, don't deny her ok? You can be sending her some message of support and encouragement?
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paul454
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PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 2:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well exams are over she just have another practical on 6th june today i saw her with her mother she seemed she was like down i dont know when shew saw me she was surprosed i think the thing is we have the break and we are not talking or msging each other.. the thing is that her sister is 20 yrs old and she is 18.. today and yesterday she went out with her friends etc.. im giving her time to realize what she wants.. shes kind of confused cause its like shes scared of this relationship in a week she changed from day and night.. maybe shes scared of getting comitted or something like that.. but i never humbled her she always said she loves me and shes missing me etc that why i was angry when she told me i wanted something serious more than her.. maybe shes feeling that she feels alot for me and indirectly she is the one who is seeing this as a very serious affair.. i mean we always go out with her friends etc we always had good time and she never said i want to go only with my friends etc once she was going out with her friends and she told me im not going i prefer meeting you.. its a very fucked up situation and its blowing my brains out.. maybe cause summer its coming and she is afraid that shes not going to have fun with her friends or something.. even though she was eagerly waiting for summer to spend it with me..
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Sun May 28, 2006 4:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm... seems to me that the exams tension is sort of over now.

So happen to by any chance been talking to her recently? Well if not, you can be taking some initiative too, Paul. Show her that she is not the only one taking this relationship seriously... let her know that you are serious about it and that you cherish this relationship just as much as her...

Don't make her feel that you are taking things for granted. If she is not making any approach, you may make that initiative first...
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paul454
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PostPosted: Sun May 28, 2006 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well everything is over man i was drunk cause i went out with my friends and i saw her i ent to talk to her.. first i messaged her she told me she wants to stay with her friends then i saw her and itold her why u did this why u want to stop this relation ship after all we had after we never faught o anything we where in perfect harmony and u wanted to stay with me.. she told me dont do like this or u will make me feel worse and i feel more away from you.. she told me things will never be the same again and i told her why ? she told me i dont know.. her friends told me we dont know why but shes not feeling comftoable just out of the blue.. from always sending me msgs i love u and all that stuff to a simple im not feeling comftable anymore.. i think she wants to stay with her firends.. well i did all that i could to save this relation ship but she dosen want well its over i think i have to move on if sshe will come maybe i will fall for her but i dont know.. i deleted her from msn and i dont want any contact now with her cause she really changed and im really sry.. thanks for everything scorpio you gave me some good advices!!!
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Mon May 29, 2006 12:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am really sorry to hear about this... Paul. This is certainly one of the most hurting way for a break up. Well, we don't even know what exactly went wrong... it's just somehow so unfair to you.

It is just all too a sudden and I can't help but feeling that something which we both don't know had happened or is going on in her life which is causing all this... Maybe she does need a little help...

I know you must have been very tired from all these and might be really lost yourself too... You might like to give yourself some time to think through things...

Whatever things may be, I believe you will still have some thoughts or words to be saying to her? Well, I would't know... but maybe for a nicer way of a "break up", you might like to consider sending her a bouquet of flowers? A bouquet of flowers with a card of your most honest thoughts that you want to be sharing with her and letting her know...

I mean since you are not able to really talk to her in person, maybe a card or a letter can be a good way you can be saying to her what you want to be saying...

I seriously believe that there are some reasons behind all this, for her to be behaving so. It may be good or bad, we wouldn't know... but I guess we can just still be a gentleman to be sending her those flowers... be they for a nice memory or... it's all up to her... At least, you know you tried and is truly honest to her and nevertheless to yourself too... Paul.
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paul454
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PostPosted: Mon May 29, 2006 12:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i was just writing her a letter for her birthday which she will be having in 3 weeks time.. we talked yesterday for a little bit.. i dont know what had happend man her friedns told me she was just fed up she told me she dont know why she did this and why she felt like this she told me maybe i was blind by the things we did..she even told me that she changed i dont know man as the saying says if you love someone let him go if he loves you he will come if not it wasnt to happen!
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 5:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I don't know if the same things apply... Some girls can indeed be quite senstive and emotional... feeling insecure, thinking too much at times...

Well, I am not accusing you of anything, Paul. Well, it is just sometimes a nature of the guy to not be that good in expressing themselves causing some "misunderstanding" in relationship.

In general, girls like guys who are more initiative and not indecisive... These things may sometimes make the girl feel that you are taking things for granted but in fact you are not at all... Girls always like and are looking towards to having that surprises from their love but to guys, rountine dates are perfectly alright... And all these may sometimes unknowingly be causing some problems in a relationship.

Anyway, her coming birthday can definitely be a good time to be sending her some gift and which nevertheless can include that letter of yours, saying how you really felt... And this could be a good chance to give her that little surprise too... I believe she be still expecting some gift from you...

Well, it is definitely not that easy to just forget about the relationship... we really can't tell how the story will develop but I do sincerely hope that things will turn out well...
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paul454
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 7:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks scorpio! i will keep you informed on the situation Smile thanks very much mate. but i think for her was not love she was just blind by the things we did
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