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I'm so stuck

 
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missmeg29
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:00 am    Post subject: I'm so stuck Reply with quote

First off, let me say that I'm 20 and i'm going through a break-up of 4 years. We dated when i was 16, but we're friends 1 1/2 years before that. One summer night, our first kissed happened and we ended the night by saying "I love you." Years passed, and i started to notice that there was not that "gut" feeling anymore. During this time i was preparing myself for nursing school, and we started to not see each other as much. This started July of last year. I've been up and down about the relationship ever since, wondering if i was still in love with him. During this period, i was constantly looking at internet articles about love, and i reassured myself that i was by looking at them. Saying i love you to him wasn't hard, but i just couldn't say "I love you so much." I didn't feel anything magical. It seems like the best times were when we were around each other, but i couldn't hold it together when i was apart. It seems like saying i love you so much or the love of my life was easier during the infatuation stage. I knew that there was a difference when saying i love you to him than to my bestest guy friends. Something just allowed me to be unhappy. He never treated me wrong and i was bored. I even started thinking about how it would be interms of being with someone else. Even though i felt these things, I just didn't want to give up on us. All of the sudden, his father passes away- a shock to the whole family. Then after the funeral, he said that he needed some space and he can only focus on family now. I feel miserable. He was a great guy. Wonderful personality and never disrespected me. Our situation was opposites attract. I was the spontaneous one while he was the home-bodied type. I went to parties and he didn't. I looked at this man as someone that i will marry and still think that. I don't feel like i need to replace him. We said that we would work things out. Start a date night but we never did. We would see each other once a week and we would be fine. I didn't know if that meant that i wasn't in love anymore because i was just as fine as i would be if i was with him. The relationship just seems unfinished. It felt like i was nagging him because i was always talking to him about it. I just wanted our connection to be closer than it was. Did i do anything wrong? I've never dreamed about him so much in my life. I just want to wake up and realize that he's the one i need to be with. Why was i unhappy?
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you just wasn't ready at the time.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 4:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

aint you sleepy? Shocked
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 5:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thats perfectly normal after 4 years and you only knew him too. so people can get tired of each others, things dont stay the same as for the first 2 months or first 2 years, things evolved so thats alright and also one can have doubts. you can say that fearing loosing him or having that as a possibility waked you up, so you were sure again and that was good..
You just needed to know you hadnt him granted..
So now go visit him and talk with him about you and him, and about being together and living together.
You have know each others long enougth to do so and are very young both, so do it.
Maybe you need to talk with him about getting married.
So you will know for sure. and if none of you is sure about it, then talk about what you can do until then, like living together.
Go see him and talk. Should be solved in 2 hours.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It could have been due to stressors in your life at that time you grew apart from him. As stated before me, people change, things change, situation change. You just might not have been in the right frame of mind or it might not have been the right time to be serious about him.

Do you still talk to him?
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missmeg29
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 4:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

when you all say right time, are you talking about being together or marrying each other? Yes we do talk, but not everyday. I would like talking to him everyday but he said that he needed his space. So i try to talk to him like every three days. He's very strong and at the funeral, he acted like he could support himself and i didn't need to be there. I guess that's how men handle deaths that are close to them. During the funeral, everyone was asking about marriage. There are times when i would say that would be nice, then there are times when i have downright anxiety. just get hot and anxious. Everytime we talked, we don't talk about us. I feel that since he initiated the break, then he could initiate this. All I know is that something is being thought of in his mind because we broke up on Feb 19. And he still hasn't changed our relationship status or our pictures. He says that he doesn't have an access to a working mouse, but he's around the computer everyday. He said that it wasn't me when it came to the breakup. At the end of the relationship, I started thinking about how would it be interms of being with someone else. I was mad that i had those thoughts. Is that also normal? Am i still in love despite how boring and mentally stressed i was about us? Confused
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 5:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I believe it's normal to have those kinds of thoughts, you were angry, hurt & probably a little confused as to why he broke it off w/you but still has your status as together & even tells you it wasn't you.

Maybe have a talk w/him & ask him some of the questions you asked here. Ask him why he still has the status as together up. It might help clear up the questions you have if you ask him hun.

Good luck! Smile
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, sit him down and have a heart to heart talk.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 10:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What else can you possibly do anyway. you have known each others all your youth, so its very easy. of course at oyu age its difficult to do, but he is young too, so it should go very well. you dont go to test, you go to see the guy you have been hanging with as far as you can remmeber! Wink
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missmeg29
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

you all are right and i appreciate the comments. I just got off of the phone with him. He still has strong feelings for me, but with work, college, his dad's death, and trying to keep the family together is all that he could do. I was happy to know that even though i already knew, but he said those things. Our conversation lasted longer than an hour and we had some laughs. Good laughs. I know that they would mean more if we got back together. I told him that no matter if he had a girlfriend or not that i will go to his mother's wedding in June. He said that they're wont be another girlfriend. If we get back together, it would be great. But how can I stop wondering about being with someone else, and not let the relationship consume me. I don't want any mental stress while being with him. I want the relationship to be a fulfillment, not something that i have to check off the "to-do list."
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're welcome.
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