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Commitment issues
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pookskie
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 4:11 pm    Post subject: Commitment issues Reply with quote

In the interest of time and space, here is the condensed version. I have been with my man for about 2 and a half years. We are very compatible in every way and this is the first time I have really bben in love...and I am 37! He has 2 previous marriages and the last one ended due to infidelity on his wife's part. This relationship rally did a number on him. Once he told me that he loved me, he got cold feet and very time after that, whenever he would get close to me, he would "run." This has basically been the pattern for the last year and a half. Of course, I always push for more becase I love this man....he finally told me at Christmas that he couldn't commit, he just wasn't there yet. That was all I needed to walk away.....I cried and then started to put the pieces back together to move on. ONly problem is that he kept trying to get in touch with me. I finally talked to him and he said he didn't want to let go. Well, I sure didn't so things continued...until last week. The pattern continues....he gets close to me and then runs. I decided I couldn't do this any more and told him it was over. The problem now is that I am miserable - I miss him so much. Am I wrong to contact him? I just don't know where to go from here.....

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Brandon
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 6:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bad marriages can mess you up BIG TIME. He doesn't want to get hurt again. Maybe he does care for you, but is afraid to go down that road again, which I can understand that. He didn't just go through one bad marriage, but two. As hard as it is for you to let him go, you can't put your life on hold for something that may never be. Not fair to you. While he is trying to get his own life back on track, go on with yours and date others. Good luck with everything.
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pookskie
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 6:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Brandon - so you think that if I still see him, this pattern will continue indefinitely? Some of my friends say that if I stay with him, I will just be the one that gets im over the hump so to speak and then he will commit to the next girl that comes along. have definitely seen that happen before. Problem here is that neither one of us is strong enough to stay away from each other very long. Any suggestions on how to give him up...for good?
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 2:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One thing that may help you get over him for good would be to start going out & meeting new people. See who else is out there.

I agree w/Brandon in that it would be better to go on w/your life. I think it will be a never ending cycle of on again off again relationship. It's not fair to you to never know what's going to happen when you 2 are together.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 9:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:8fd917fc80="~Angel~"]One thing that may help you get over him for good would be to start going out & meeting new people. See who else is out there.

I agree w/Brandon in that it would be better to go on w/your life. I think it will be a never ending cycle of on again off again relationship. It's not fair to you to never know what's going to happen when you 2 are together.[/quote:8fd917fc80]


Yeah, that Brandon is a smart cookie and goodlooking too. Wink
I know..shut the hell up, Brandon ! Rolling Eyes Laughing
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

you are 2 doing the show inside Brandon? is that to economise place or what? Nice gendarme by the way...


and pooksie, no problem the guy aint ready YET to commit.. understandable.. he tried twice so aint real proud it didnt work out and dont want to remake that fiasco again too soon, thats all.
Why dont you talk with him directly about that and ask some real questions, it will help!?

Ask him if he loves you too. it seems so. and remember that what we do in the emotional realm is often unintended.. out of control, like running away, its fear, he just cant do about it.. YET.. Wink
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, yeah ! Take this ! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Now ! That will teach ya to mess with Brandon. Laughing

That's not kisses.. they're karate chops. Shocked Laughing

Just joking with you, honey.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Karate chops?? Shocked whats that?
I can only do taikwendo and Kung-Fu, the french one, the one that beat the Japaneese on own soil in the seventies already!..

I can also make sucette and kiss, thats a winner chop!
And where did you learned all those trocks? New job? Very Happy

If ypou dont kiss me all where you have chop me, i will be angry, maybe..XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXO
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, you know all those too? Should be good fight. Bring it on, baby. Wink Laughing
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In bed! I will bring them all in the love sphere! XXXXXXXXXXO HMMM I love you so much!
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Surprised OH, NO ! Shocked Laughing
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh yes baby! and one more of that one! Spark!
We are going to have some boxe francaise as well, allez vas-y Jojo! le jeu de jambe! regarde le jeu de jambes!
Look at my feet and get one direct in the face.
Thats french boxing! Laughing
The way I uunderstood it age 6 when watching some black and white tv stuff..I asked myself why on earth they had to say to watch the legs all the time, when they were kicking ass with gloves on?!! Shocked
That was weird for Sophies little brain, so I figure out it must have been do distract the adversary, like "look behind you! theres your mama watching!"
not bad huh?. Well if you have a better theory, coem up with it love.. Very Happy
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I watch every move myself. Have to react fast.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I dont watch, i just hit. and go angry. They can watch themselves, I dont care. Nobody can touch me anyway. Whomever hit me, hit themselves, thats Gods pray, so that doesnt leave much to do from me, does it?! Wink Laughing

Its like when you kiss, if you think too much, you got nothing done! Razz Shocked Laughing Very Happy Cool
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pookskie
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 5:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have asked the hard questions of him and he is always willing to talk about it. I asked him if he loved me and he said of course, that has never been the issue. I know he loves me - it is just so frustrating because I want it to happen NOW. And of course now that I have told him not to contact me, I am so scared that he never will. I didn't want him out of my life, I just wanted the pattern to stop and I felt that I was the one who could put an end to it. I feel like something is missing inside me without him but I think that if I don't walk away from him now and give him this time and space to work through things, I just may push him too far and ruin any chance of us ever being together....anyone have any thoughts?
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