Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion
Share with us problems and questions regarding love relationship
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Emotionally devastated, please help me.

 
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index -> Love Advice
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
dabears204@hotmail.com
Member
Member


Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 8:03 pm    Post subject: Emotionally devastated, please help me. Reply with quote

hi i hope to get some advice/opinions on what i should do. this is long, but i want to give the full story. for a while i was having gut instincts my b/f was cheating, he was never in the mood, always turning me down, whenever his phone rang he would look at it and put it on silent, then listen to the message if there was one left, and he kept talking to his ex g/f. i had caught him in a lie about calling his ex g/f, he said she called but i found out he called her first. they have been talking sporatically for quite some time. he had always said he had no feeling's for her, called her names, and said he told her to stop calling him. when i checked his voicemail i heard a message from a woman named X that said "hey you just wondering if you checked your email, you've been bugging me about sending pictures of my breasts; well talk to you later." well my heart was crushed after hearing that. we have had our ups and downs, and i have always tried communicating with him about them, he always told me how faithful and truthful he was. well when i checked his email i did find the girl who sent him the breast shots. i also found he has a profile on yahoo personals. i don't get it why be with me if he is doing all this? it's not like we don't have sex either so it can't be for that (he always turns me down). i just can't believe he did the personals thing. all this makes me feel like i was never a good enough girl friend.

my b/f has said on numerous occasions that i "don't know how to be a good girlfriend." he has said that i'm not supportive enough of him. on numerous occasions i have tried to talk to him about our relationship, to get everything out in the open, but sometimes he just didn't want to talk. when he did listen he would constantly say "you this, you that, you don't do this or that." he would also say that i was selfish and not caring about his needs.

last night we had a long talk and aired everything out. i told him i admit that i have made mistakes in the relationship, and i have tried very much to be a better girlfriend, and be there for him in every way he wants but sometimes i felt it wasn't good enough for him. i clean the house, do his laundry, make his dinner, help with his kids, cook their meals and do their laundry. i told him also that sometimes when i talk to him about how his day went or anything in general he just gives me a one word answer, or doesn't want to go into any detail. many times he has come to me and spoke of problems he may be having and i listen to him and try to help. i try to give him my opinion/advice but afterwards he will say "i think i will call so and so, maybe they can give me a better answer or help me better."

i told him i knew about what he was doing, the emails and the personals ad. he lied at first about it all, but then he was getting angry and admitted it all. he claimed he put up the ad after we broke up some months ago (which we obviously got back together, but like a week later), and thought it would expire on it's own. he was more concerned about how i found out than what he did. i asked why he gave his new cell number out, which he just got 2 weeks ago, to the woman who he has been emailing (the one he asked for pic's of her breasts), and he shouted to me "I NEED SOMEONE." i felt so hurt when he said that, mostly because i kept doubting myself that maybe i haven't been there good enough for him, and he really is hurting. then he told me "you know what it is honestly? i want what you gave your ex." when i was with my ex i catered to him, whenever he called i was there, whatever he wanted i gave to him, despite being treated like dirt. i know i was very dumb, and naive at that time and probably still now. so in a nutshell my b/f wants the same kind of treatment i gave my ex. it's not like i treat my current b/f like crap, or disrespect him, he just thinks i could be a better girlfriend and more supportive and try harder. my b/f said "you were being treated like dirt by your ex and you still catered to him." which was true, but back then i had such low self esteem of myself, and i didn't care how i was treated as long as my ex b/f stayed.

my b/f says that he has never cheated on me with this girl he is emailing or anyone else, but because i'm not a "better g/f" he said he would be justified in doing so if he did. i told him nothing justifies cheating on your partner. he was telling me he needs a partner, a companion, a friend, a girfriend, and a best friend; all that rolled into a g/f. i thought i was that to him and i really did try so hard to be all that and more. i do love my b/f despite our problems, and maybe i could try harder and be "better." i don't know, maybe i'm so blind that i can't see the forest through the trees. we have been through alot together, but he says i pushed him towards that girl and the ad because i haven't been a good enough g/f. i told him he should have come to me and just told me that it wasn't working for him, that he didn't want to try anymore, or that he felt i would never be better for him and just end it; rather than go behind my back and do what he did.

sorry this was so long, i thought it would be short. everything i told is the truth. i don't know if what he told me last night was the truth or not, i don't know what to believe anymore. it's so hard sometimes to just walk away from the one you love with all your heart, even though you know it could be for the best. sometimes one could be so blinded by love they don't want to see the faults in their partner. would this be considered cheating? someone please advise on what i should do, thank you much.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
desmondtiny
Member
Member


Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

right now your his servant he wants u 2 be a slave. enough said.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
twistedangel
Member
Member


Joined: 05 Mar 2007
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Honestly, he sounds abusive - he wants you to treat him like a king even if he treats you badly? For one thing, there is no such thing as a good or bad girlfriend. And as for supporting him, ask yourself if he supports you? You need to consider if you are happy in this relationship. You are in no way responsible for him cheating, it is entirely his choice to cheat and him saying that you led him down that path is nothing more than a pathetic excuse. You mentioned that you used to have low self esteem. Is it possible you still do and that is why you are putting up with his behavior? You definitely deserve better than this guy. Even if you both love each other, he obviously doesn't respect you and blames you for his issues. Find somebody who appreciates and respects you, there are plenty of great guys out there. Hope this helps! You can email me at sazzgurll@hotmail.com if you want to talk more. Best of luck,

Sarah.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
~Angel~
Member
Member


Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 350
Location: USA

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 2:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I couldn't agree more w/what twistedangel posted to you!

Being in a relationship is a 50/50 thing, HE is not giving you his 50%. He wants everything from you & doesn't appear to be giving you much of anything back.

You being a "bad girlfriend" & him saying he is "justified" in finding someone new & possibly cheating on you is a cop out. He is trying to put the blame on you for him being a cheater & a control freak. He is trying to manipulate you into staying & being his "slave" while he goes about doing whatever the hell he wants.

Best advice for you...get rid of him!! Find someone else new, someone that will appreciate YOU & all that you do for him. Also, someone that will give you his love & appreciation back, as much as you give him.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Brandon
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 970

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree. Kick his azz to the curb.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ocean
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 581
Location: USA CA

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have the same problem. so i will use the same advice and kick azz.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Brandon
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 970

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mmm bring it on, baby. Can't do it, but this could get really good. Wink

I just pictured my hand on your forehead and you swinging at me with both fist. Can't tell them what happens next. Oh, no no no. Wink
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ocean
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 581
Location: USA CA

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hm, you never saw me fight. I jump with both legs upfront, not head.
its like surfing. only theres only one wave. Razz
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Brandon
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 970

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll remember that. Now I have the upper hand.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ocean
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 581
Location: USA CA

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 4:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, you cant. you forgot my eyes baby. A smile from me, and you leave your mother! Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index -> Love Advice All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

HomePage | Love Articles | Dating Services | Love Calculator | Feng Shui Modern Living | Art of Feng Shui


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group