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what to do =(

 
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j1086
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Joined: 25 Aug 2010
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 1:41 pm    Post subject: what to do =( Reply with quote

About 3 months ago I found out my gf/fiance of 2 1/2 years had slept with another guy 3 times in a week period behind my back. Well I gave her another chance which a lot of my friends said I shouldn't have done. Well everything was ok, but he kept calling and texting her and I started getting really upset about it. Well then after a month had passed almost, she decided that she wanted us to start over as friends and and go on dates and try to rebuild what we once had. Everything was going ok, but after we hadn't spent time together in about 2 weeks, we had made plans to spend the weekend together, and then she decided to go and have a girls night out with her friend she moved in with. Well the next day I was gonna pick her up and surprise her, and she started texting getting all irritable when I said I was on my way, and she told me she was like 45minutes away with her roomate at someones house they crashed at after drinking. Well I ended up driving by the guy she cheated on me withs house and sure enough her car was there! Then I called her and was like why the hell did you lie to me! Then I told her that was it and that she needed to come the next day and get the rest of the stuff she had left! Well then she comes over the next day and we talk and I work things out again with her like an idiot, and she ends up staying the night. Well a week or so goes by, and she brought me my pay that was deposited in her account, then we start texting and one thing led to another and she started getting selfish and condescending with me, so I told her we didn't need to speak for a while. Well after 4 or 5 days of barely any contact, she starts texting me talking about she misses me and really loves me and stuff. Well come to find out, she had actually ran back to the guy she had cheated on me with, and they ended up getting into a bad argument one night and he slammed her up against a fridge and was yelling at her! A few nights after that had happened, she ends up showing up at my house, and wanted another chance. Well, I told her that in order for that to happen, she would have to stop going to this guys house, and he would have to stop texting and calling her, cause right before all of this I found text on her phone between him and her talking about I love u baby and crap, and she said it was nothing! Well anyway she understood what would need to change, or well at least she said she did. Well for the next 2 weeks, she would text me while she was at work, and sometimes call during her lunch or while she would be smoking a cig, but I would never hear from her in the evenings, except for one night maybe two. And I told her that I felt like she was ignoring me and that if she was just wanting to be friends, it would be too hard for me cause I would just want more, and she said she felt the same about me, and that she was still in love with me. Well then it got to the point where I didn't hear from her for like almost 2 days straight. Then finally last sunday she came by and we spoke, and she told me that she did love me and she missed what we had together and that she hopes that eventually things work out for her and I together, but for right now she wants to be single cause everysince she was 15 she dated a guy for a week, then her ex for a year and a half, then right into dating me for 2 1/2 years, and that she realizes how sometimes she enjoys not having to answer to anyone when she's out with friends. And I respected her decision. And she also told me that there was nothing going on between her and this other guy, but yet I find out her car was there a few days back around the afternoon time, only because for some reason my manager decided to just drive by there, then called me and told me and I was like I don't care cause we aren't together. Well then a few days ago my ex gets mad at me cause she started asking what I did the night before and stuff and I told her that my friends wife was sending pics of me to her cousin cause she wanted to see if her cousin thought I was cute, then she asked me how many women I had slept with and I told her that was none of her business (eventhough I haven't slept with anyone), and she was like "I find it funny how u say u still care about me, but yet ur such a guy and just have to have it!". And I told her I hadn't slept with anyone and she said she didn't believe me. Well we got off the phone and she finally calmed down in text. Well she stopped by my job a few hours later to get the new insurance card from me and I gave her a birthday card also with a gift card, and she hunged me really tight and told me to text her later. Well, I'm stuck and my mind is going crazy and I feel like I am the backup guy! And she tells me she wants to keep talking as friends and not stop talking for awhile cause she doesn't want us to distance ourselves from one another. But yet everyone has been telling me that I really just need to start ignoring her calls and text for awhile, but that's so hard for me to do, and not just because I love her, but because I'd feel like I was being mean if I fully ignore her, and because I'm afraid that doing that will just cause her to push farther away from me rather than maybe wanting to eventually work things out and give us another chance together. And everyone keeps telling me that eventhough her birthday is tomorrow, or well technically today, that I need to still ignore her and not respond if she text and not to text her even just to say happy bday, because they said that she really needs to realize how it is when I'm not around. And she tried to call me twice in a row while I was at work, but never left a message and never text. But I feel like not at least saying happy bday to her tomorrow would be mean, or is what everyone is telling me correct and maybe I should just fully ignore her for awhile, even if it is her bday? Please help me out asap! I even thought about staying friends with her but treating her like a friends and not showing her my hurt side, but even when I mention that to my friends, they still say just fully ignore her. She hasn't even really contacted yesterday at all, and only today for the 2 times she tried to call me. Just need good advice asap from someone who has been in this situation or just someone with good advice both male and female perspectives =)

And her bday was on monday, and she has been under the impression that i have been talking to my friends wife's cousin, which i have not been, so on monday morning she tried to call me, and i didn't answer cause i was still half sleep, and then she sends a text that said "i think its fucked up that you can't speak to me and tell me happy bday on my bday cause your with that bitch," then she sent a few more.....well I ended up speaking to her a few times, then i went and hung out with her sis's boyfriend, and my ex and her sis came back to the house and i saw her for like 10minutes then she had to leave to go to work, and she hugged me, then i told her happy bday and she left.

well....I found out today that she has still been hanging out with this guy, but from what her sis's boyfriend tells me, my ex and the guy said they are not dating and are just friends......well I ended up calling and leaving her a voicemail, and I told her in the voicemail that i was tired of all the damn mind games and feeling this way, and that everytime I see her, or she calls me and text me, I think about everything we had together and have been through together, and then I think about where we are now and it upsets me, and i just couldn't go on feeling like this anymore, so it would be best that after i leave the voicemail we no longer have any contact for awhile.

well.....after i got off work, I cut my phone back on, and she had sent me a few text talking about she really wants to talk about everything again before we not longer have contact, then she tried to call me but I didn't answer or reply. Then she sent me a text telling me she really did miss snuggling with me and kissing me and that she loved me very much. well i replied and said "don't tell me you love me when you cheat on me, then after I still try to make things work after the fact, you leave me!" then she replied back and said she loves me so very much and that she thinks about me everyday, and really wants to be with me, but she said that everytime she sees me, she just feels like she's not good enough for me after what she did. But I didn't reply. then she text and said she would see me friday and would try to contact me tomorrow.

she is supposed to come by friday to pick up the car tags, and I really do love her and really want to be with her and talk about things, but she started saying she missed me and loved me last time i had told her I didn't want to speak anymore for awhile and stopped all contact, then we spoke and everything seemed ok, then back to square 1..... I keep wondering if maybe I should just keep no contact until friday then maybe talk to her about everything, or if maybe i should continue no contact, then when she comes friday just not talk about it at all, or either talk about it but still enforce no contact for awhile. Its like I want to try to make things work, and I want her to come back, but I know that it has to be up to her, and up to time.....please help :_(
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