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Sleepless in Jersey

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Joined: 06 Jun 2010
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:33 am    Post subject: Sleepless in Jersey Reply with quote

This is the first time in my short adult life that ive felt the urge to reach out to complete strangers in regards to any part of my life. Im 21, a young adult and I have to say Ive spend the last few months of my life lost, confused, and at times very alone. Ive been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, I feel in love with her in the most unexpected yet gracious of ways, laying under a tree laughing as the fall leaves filled the air with change and a sense of new life. For the most part these 2 years have been nothing but amazing, yet in the last few months things have been very rocky. Weve fought about the usual issues, finances, bills, etc. But recently we seemed to have lost that spark for one another on a mutual level. I think were both desperate to hold it together for the shake of how we used to feel. In fact I know that she is, however i am drawn to something...or should I say someone else. At 15 years old nearly 6 years and 6 months ago I met the first and only girl id say id ever truely and deeply love. It was your classic high school crush puppy love, but it grew and developed into so much more than that. Lets call her mary, not her real name but lets go with it. Mary made me feel whole and so free and I will never forget the years we had together. We only dated for one year of course, her domestic problems in her household forced me to leave her on a relationship level, her father was invovled in drugs and it used to get violent, at such a young age i got scared and made the decison for my safety. OF course i fought through some of my own personal high school demons at that point like any distrugled teenager, i drank heavily spent days and nights after school alone for months and shut the world out, bad ideas to any young kids here...but anyway, I kept in touch with mary, as soon as i got my license at 17 we once again saw each other frequently. Spend mostly the summers together with college going on for both of us. I never lost the butterflies with her, not from 15 to 17 or even till 20. Through we dated other people, nothing ever serious, but yet we spend time together in a place stuck in the middle unsure to recommitted togehter it would happen where one of us would be all for it and the other remain reserved. I guess thats the way it worked out than. I can say with all my heart in all the years we spent as friends or our high school dating days, and the times we have spent togher now as adults, that I have always loved her. After i met (sally lets say) my current girlfriend, i lost touch with her, we spoke and only have seen each other on a random basis, months apart. Recently ive come to a point in my life i am very familure every relationship ive ever had thers always come a moment where all i want to do is be with mary, and today it happend. I was laying next to sally watching the end of a film and all i could do was find myself staring out the window and mary came to mind, i miss her, i want to see her and talk to her and just enjoy being with her. I could never admit this to sally due to the reasons of being so tied up with her right now, but with our relationship on the rocks i find myself losing intrest, and realzing today that i might and prolly will not ever love her as much as i still love mary. The only problem is mary is with some guy right now, it doesnt seem serious, she usually only goes a few months and than finds her self unhappy, and its right around the time when we meet in the middle all over again, i just hope this time we both are ready to comitt, in the next year were both graduating college, and its that part in life to find a mate or at least start looking, finding a ligit job and even starting a family. and at this point with everything ive been through i find my self missing mary, my best friend. Sally would never tolernate or be able to handle any of this so i changed the names, used an alias as my email, ive done well to hide this. But i need help, advice, to be heard. my heart has ever yeared any more than it has now for mary, or for anything for that matter. its 130 am where i am. I have work at 7 yet i want the whole world to know about mary. how do i tell sally, how do i wisk mary away from this loser and finally tell her i have always loved her, still after nearly 7 years, she will expect it and already know of course, but i want this to be the greatest moment in my life. What should I Do people? thank you, sorry for the length.
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Joined: 09 Apr 2008
Posts: 5
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 4:46 am    Post subject: Sleepless in Jersey Reply with quote

It sounds like you have a full plate. You are young and it is very normal to go through changes and have different thoughts. You are also too young to be unhappy in a relationship where finances are an issue.
I can see why you feel bad but sometimes people just grow apart. There is nothing wrong with that. I think you can start telling "Sally" that is what is happening here.
Maybe you need time on your own. You seem unhappy with "Sally" but it's not fair to keep her around while you have strong thoughts and feelings about "Mary". I'm sure you wouldn't like it if "Sally" had thoughts about another man but just stuck with you for the sake of it.
I know you don't want to hurt anybody, but ending a relationship is never easy. I just think that honesty is the best policy here and if you are unhappy you should just say so. But be responsible & figure out how you can work out the financial issues.
As for "Mary" not leaving her boyfriend, I think if you began to speak to her as a supportive friend who doesn't have a girlfriend ("Sally") she might see that you are a good guy she could consider being with.
I hope this helps. But remember you don't want to be unhappy & you are still young so don't limit your options if you are not at a point where you are feeling commited....
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Joined: 04 Jun 2010
Posts: 10
Location: Vermont

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Princessa made a very good point. if you think that you're in love with Sally more than your current girlfriend you definitely need to be considering breaking up with her, because its just not fair to leave her there in the line of fire, waiting for something to get better when you both know its on the fritz. Seeking best friends is definitely a normal thing to start with, so maybe grab lunch with Sally sometime or something along those lines.

Just let things happen naturally, see what happens, after a while maybe she'll realize something and come to you, maybe not, but at the very least you can put all of this bed knowing that you tried to make things work with Sally again and whether or not they work out. If its meant to be, it will happen, if not then it wont.
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