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True Story: A Journey That Never Ends

 
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Lanewaylover
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Joined: 20 Mar 2010
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 3:10 am    Post subject: True Story: A Journey That Never Ends Reply with quote

This my true stroy about my feelings for the love of my life that will probably never be. I want to know what everybody thinks, I don't know if was where I'm suppose to post something this but I did anyway.


Almost 7 years ago... it was the first day of grade 5 at new school; I didn't know anybody in my grade. When I walked in the most beautiful was outside the door to the classroom. The moment I saw her I knew I loved her. Though I knew I was skinny and ugly and all that great crap, so I didn't do anything, plus I didn't really know her so I wasn't going to go put myself out there on the first day at a new school, but after a while I made some friends and she was one them she wasn't my best friend but she was a friend. About 2 months into the school year I told my best friend that I really liked her and then not a week after that everybody in the class knew including her. Still I didn't do anything because that wasn't the type of person I was or am for that matter. Many rumours flew around but I deflected them all, and told everybody that nothing was happening between her and me. Nothing really happened, we both accepted that I liked her (at this point nobody knew just how much I liked her) and we both knew we knew so we remained friends. Then at the end of grade 5 rumours flew that she was moving away and I was crushed my summer holidays that year kind of sucked. But grade 6 and there she was as beautiful as ever the only one I had ever had feelings for. Grade 6 went by pretty quietly except she dated most the guys in our grade and few grades above. I was not one of them, but none of those relationships worked, they rarely did back then. Near the end of grade 6 the same rumours flew but this time she confirmed them I was devastated. This time my summer holidays really did suck, the love of my life was gone and I didn't know if I was ever going to see her again. When grade 7 started I realized she wasn't there and people joked and said how much they didn't like her, I wanted to defend her but I knew I would be shot down. I went home and cried myself to sleep that night. But other than that Grade 7 and Grade 8 were lonely I still all my friends, and school to worry about but somewhere in the back head she was there keeping me focused and keeping me happy as I could be. Even though she had been gone for a couple years she was still the only person I had feelings for.

Then grade 9 came around and I had not realized but I would be going to the same high school as she was. The high school had a barbeque to let the grade 9's find there lockers and find there rooms and suck for the beginning of the new school year, I walk around the corner and hear somebody say "hey" and I look up and they she is, still as beautiful ever more so and I thought that wasn't possible. It scared the crap out of me and my heart sore to the top of the world, to know I'd be able to see her and maybe be in a couple of her classes. I was now hoping that high school could be the chance I needed to start a new life and maybe ask her out and have the relationship I had longed for, for so any years.

The week leading up to my first day of high school was nerve racking for a number of reasons seeing her was among the top. When the first day finally came around she was in 2 of classes and I hoped that maybe I could get the courage to ask her out. Though my heart broke when I realized she had a boyfriend and even though I had expected it and tried to prepare for it still hit hard and broke my heart. That was I realized that I high school was going to be no different than elementary school. So I went through the normal high school stuff, got some friends developed a routine normal stuff all the while, longing for her love and attention, though knowing I was never going to get it. Half way through the year at my school the classes change and it turned out she was in a few then too, and we had to move rooms for one class and I sat right behind her and we would talk all the time, at this point I knew this was a close I was ever going to get. Later in the class I sat beside and we worked well together and I got to be right beside the love of my life. Well when that ended and summer came around, I was happy during summer holidays again, it was great. Grade 10 came around she was still dating the same guy; I had given up hope forever dating her. We had a few classes together but nothing like what we had last year. Partway through grade 10 she broke up with her long time boyfriend, some people told me to ask her out, but I knew she had no feelings for me and I had become shy and kind of unable to talk to her, and I never put myself out there and I didn't want to get the rejection that I knew would be coming. The rest of Grade 10 went through pretty good until about half way, that is when I got real depressed because I cam to the conclusion that I would never be with her, and I got really depressed and down and that lasted for months and some nights I cried myself to sleep over her for the first time since she moved away at the end of grade. I won't get into the whole thing, because to this day I don't know if I even understand I'm still trying to recover an this story is supposed to help.

Well I'm in grade 11 now and she is still the love of my life and my friends constantly tell me to "get over her" but if it was that easy I would have done after I realized I never had a shot. I've been trying for almost 7 years and it is now causing issues amongst my friends and I want it to stop b/c I don't want to be the reason. I wish I could "get over her" but it isn't that simple not for me, I can tell you to the hour when I first fell in love with her. I wish it were that easy and everything would be good. But its not I love her and only her with everything in my small and probably broken and sore heart.

Well thatís my story I wrote this long and probably boring to get it off my chest and maybe help get over her, but if it doesnít help then at least I'll know I tried and that I still love.

Thatís it for my story of meeting her and instantly falling in love. If I missed something which I probably than that is meant for me.

I don't know how many will bother reading this. But I needed to do this.

As my final words I need to say I love you Alley Heard not that anybody who reads will know how that is. But I needed to say that to. I know she probably won't read this either but never the less needed to say it.

Jake Hancock
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