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I'm the friend, never the boyfriend. Why???

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Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Posts: 1
Location: Ireland

PostPosted: Thu Apr 22, 2010 3:24 pm    Post subject: I'm the friend, never the boyfriend. Why??? Reply with quote

Hello everyone, I am new to the forums. I have come here in hopes of getting some advice because I am becoming very frustrated.

A little background on my self. I am a 28 year old virgin. On top of that, I have never, ever, had a girlfriend or a relationship with a woman of any kind other than friendship.

All of my life I have been one of the so called popular kids. In high school, I played football and I was also a drummer in a local band that played at most of the popular house parties around. I was always the center of attention and I could always be found on my breaks in school in the middle of a circle of people with laughter erupting from it. I love making people laugh and I am good at it. I was never picked on in school for being a virgin because quit frankly, no one ever questioned whether I was or not. I even told a friend of mine one time that I was a virgin. They just laughed and said "Yeah, right".

I have always had lots of female friends and this as remained true even as I get older. Basically that is my problem though, as the title of my post explains. I am and have always been the close friend but never, ever the boyfriend. In my life, there have been two phrases that I have heard so much that if I hear either of them again, I think I just might snap. They are. "We are just such good friends, dating you would be wierd" Or the one I really hate because I have heard it more the older I get. "You are such a great guy, your nice, funny, hansome, and I really like you a lot. But......."

I have been getting really frustrated lately due to the fact that I am 28 and it is just getting sad. I have been through all the phases. At first, I was patient, I was willing to wait for that special person. Then when that special person never came, I lost patients. I started blaming women for my troubles. I mean if I was so great like they all kept saying, I should be beating them off with a stick, right?. Now I am at the point however where I no longer blame women for this. It has to be my fault, something about me that makes girls like me and like to be around me but at the same time, not want to date me. Needless to say, my self esteem has really taken a hit now that I have started admitting that it has to be me. I don't have that confidence in my self that has carried my my whole life anymore.

Even now, just a few nights ago, I was told the exact same thing by a friend of mine that I had started developing feelings for. She said "Your such a nice guy, and so funny and I do like you a lot but, your too old for me." She is 21, I'm 28, am I really to old for her? I am just getting to the point where I am afraid, afraid of dieing a lone. I wouldn't be so concerned if this had not been going on my whole life.

Whats going on? I am willing to admit any faults I might have and I am willing to try to chance but at this point. I have no idea what the problem is. I have lived without sex for 28 years so I can live without it a bit longer. But I am tired of being alone. I am ready to start thinking more long term like family but it is hard for me to imagine when I have never even been out on a date.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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Joined: 01 May 2010
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 4:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have two guy best friends. Why I never got into dating them? I never wanted to date them because I knew everything about them already even before I could feel any romance. I know they always say, "Why not date someone who is close to you, that way, it's just like dating your bestfriend!" ***enk!*** not true. When you know someone too much, the mystery is lost. Why not just date someone you like, and in the process of dating, get to know that person better? It's like a course. You take it up in college because it's interesting.. not because you've mastered it already.. Otherwise, what's the use of taking up something you already know? Do you get it? Point is, if you like someone, go for her! Don't try to be her friend, she'll just feel that your not a "boyfriend material" or she'd feel she wouldnt wanna date you coz if she does, and things go wrong, you would be someone too precious to lose. So just date. Pain is always included. So don't let that bother you. You never know till you've tried!
♥♥♥ raiundazan ♥♥♥
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