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Miss her alot

 
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ott2162
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 8:55 pm    Post subject: Miss her alot Reply with quote

I met a girl in 1983 in toronto canada, we dated for 1 1/2 years then we broke up after a fight. We didnt even say goodbye or call each other again.

Im a 43 year old man, married and im still very much in love with her. i thought of her at least once a week for years but lately those emotions have come back. I finally found her(via internet) because she got married and i emailed her 5 days ago. she hasnt responded yet but maybe her husband got to it 1st and deleted it(hard to say). i now found out where she works and have got her email at work...now the big question:

1 Do i email her just to break the ice
2 I feel terrible because i also found out she has kids and husband

To be very very honest all I want to do is e mail her maybe go for a coffee and talk. I feel I just need some closure inwhich I didnt get 23 years ago. Im crying as i write this and im so confused and frusterated.....can someone please help me....

Larry
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Scarlett
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 12:38 am    Post subject: Miss her after 23 yrs? Reply with quote

Larry,

Are you sure you are not just missing something in your marriage and feeling lonely and vulnerable.

I went through a similar experience because my husband of 20 yrs was an alcoholic and turned physically abusive. I was longing for my high school boyfriend and even managed to talk to him on the phone. What I was really missing was a part of me. The part of me I gave up to live on a constant roller coaster with an emotionally and physically abusive mate.

Please rethink the emotions you are now feeling and why. Are you lacking emotional needs from your wife and your marriage? Think of how you could deal with the consequences of this action. She is married with a family. Worst case scenario - you break up a happy home or worst yet, your wife thinks you are having an affair and all trust is lost and you lose your marriage.

Seek within what you are missing instead of seeking someone out from a "lifetime" ago.
_________________
I'll worry about that tomorrow...

Dave - Will you Marry Me????
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm... it seems like it is more of the "Ice" within yourself that you should be breaking, Larry. (No Offences)

How long are you married? How's things with you and your wife? Any kids you are having?

Well, do pardon me for saying. But if I am your wife, I wouldn't exactly be feeling happy... All these 23 years, you been thinking of that girl... Don't you think it is a bit unfair to your wife?

It seems like you want more than to coffee and talk. You are actually feeling terrible that she has kids and husband? It has been afterall 23 years, Larry... this is surely to be expected. Shouldn't you somehow feel happy for her instead...?

There's definitely no harm in sending her some email or even meeting up with her for some coffee... you could even make it a two family thingy(yours and her). I see no harm in meeting more people and making new friends.

But before so, you should be clear on what you actually want for youself. Are you actually somehow still living in the past? Do give it some thoughts, Larry.

Sincerely hope my words didn't make you feel offended...
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ott2162
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 10:03 pm    Post subject: what you say makes sense Reply with quote

Thanx what you said makes sense , its just i feel this isnt normal to have these feelings 23 years later, or is it. Why am I always thinking of her I just want closure with these feelings. See when I moved to toronto from ottawa to be with her and then after 1 1/2 years she says thats it.. im just mad that she didnt keep her promise. Since i stayed down in toronto and tried to make the best of things it seems to be a constant reminder...how can i get on with my life... i would love to hear more replies.
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whiterose
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, let's see... Maybe you don't really LOVE her anymore, but you have kind of...confused feelings? I can understand that you want closure, but what will your wife think of this? Do you want to take the chance of losing her just to get forclosure with someone you loved 23 years ago? No offense or anything, okay? It's just that...you have your own life now, and so does this other woman. Do you really want to take the risk of ruining her marrage and yours? I wouldn't think so. I think you're just a bit confused. It's easy for me to recognize confusion...been there...
but move on...I am sure you have a wife that loves you very much, yes? And Im sure you love her too! You have her, and you don't need anyone else. (But God Razz )
I really hope I have helped a bit. No offense to anything, alright? It's just my perspective. I am very close to God, and I don't want to see you hurt the other womans marrage, OR yours, okay? btw, did she ever email you back???
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ott2162
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:29 pm    Post subject: whiterose Reply with quote

You male alot of sense , to answer your question , i dont know if she received the email because its under her e mail name but its to her husband who runs a swim club....i hope i didnt cause any conflict with them because i really didint mean to. Also I have her email at work from which i called the company she works for. Should I try 1 more time??
What comes to mind also is just not the closure i need is just to see her face again. I guess maybe this is weird but its how i feel. Is this wrong???
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I wouldn't know what exactly happened 23 years ago that caused the break up. There has definitely got to be some reasons for it... perhaps you didn't fare well then or...??

There could just be many other possible reasons but one very common reason causing a breakup would usually be that love is not longer felt from at least one of the party. It could very likely be that she don't love you anymore...

But nevertheless, the facts remain that you later found yourself love again. You gave yourself the chance to accept and to be in a new relationship once more. Likewise, you found someone who truly appreciate your presence in her life and the both of you actually got married, isn't it?

Well, that's life... you lose some, you gain some.

And as whiterose had said, you got a life of your own and nevertheless a responsibility of a husband to fulfill. Isn't it worth more of your time to be making plans for yourself and your family?

I sure you marry your wife because you love her? Since you have got the courage to accept a new love and even marrying her, I don't see what you wouldn't have the courage to just move on...?

Yesterday is the past, Today is the present and well, Tomorrow is a gift..
The past is the past, Larry. What don't we just cherish we already have now...?
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ott2162
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 1:11 pm    Post subject: in answer to scorpio Reply with quote

Scorpio you asked me if she ever mailed back, and yes she did the other day. she said it was great to hear from me and she told me about her family. The question now is her birthday is april 8 and i have sent an birthday email to her, was this a good idea???

these feelings wont go away
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 1:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Was there a good idea? Well, that would have to depend on your intention of sending that birthday wishes.

Sending your regards, wishing your friend a little happy birthday is of course prefectly fine. But if you wanted more than to that, then... So what is it that you really want? You have to find an answer for youself, ott2162...

How did you feel to have received her reply anyway?
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ott2162
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 12:07 am    Post subject: recieving her mail Reply with quote

I felt really happy and the memories flooded me. I felt a wave of sadness of what was not to be. Im not sleeping much at night, I check my email at home and at work to see if she will reply regarding her birhday greeting. Its like an old wound has just re opened up. My honest feelings is i wish she would reply but can understand also. The worst thing i want to do is come between her family(sincerely)....i will feel very sad if she doesnt reply. Its been 2 days since i sent it to her... im just worried i may have hurt her which i really didnt mean to do.

I feel I just need her to listen(email at least) to me should I email her again if she responds and tell her how i feel

IM SO CONFUSED (But i keep saying "nothing ventured nothing gained)[size=9:fc49d33227][/size:fc49d33227]
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm...? It doesn't seem like it is as easy as you just wanna tell her how you feel... you somehow wanted some reponse from you, don't you?

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gain? This is certainly a nice phrase. But I guess, you need to be clear what's worth a venture and what's not, what is worth fighting for and what's not? For instance to take a gun and venture into some robbery? That is certainly not a wise venture... you might just get yourself killed.

May I just ask, what can she give you? Perhaps a very real simple friendship and nothing further than that. What can you gain by telling her how you feel? She will probably be listening and then be getting back to her own life again. It is not going to make any difference now that it has been 23 years later. And perhaps she might not even be feeling any hurted at all... It is rather you yourself, who is hurt.

For all you may know, she may be leading a very happy life with her family and which you could too. You have your family, remember?

I hope you are not offended, ott2162. Just saying what would probably be the case. Do give it some thoughts... give yourself a honest answer, is it worth all your miserable and venture?

To venture into something which only more miserable will be gained or to venture into your family moving on in life which could definitely provide you with much better gains in life? Well, there are of course lot of other ventures you can take in life... the choices is all yours, ott2162.

Life goes on...
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ott2162
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 12:31 am    Post subject: really appreciate this Reply with quote

Scorpio I really really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me its nice to have someone as level headed as you to get advice from. I have to agree with most you say , but i just cant figure out why i am so fallinf for her again. The only reason i can think of is in my previous messages I said i moved here(toronto) to be with her and then I felt she broke her promise and now living here has been a constant reminder of her. But im stuck here with my job but on a positive side i have a wonderful wife and family. I just cant figure out " why I cant heal" its frusterating.
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 12:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I was actually afriad that my words will offend you, ott2162.

No one would like it when their trust and dreams got shattered. I believe, back then when you decided to shift to Toronto, you must have had a dream so wonderful and sweet. It must had been real hurting, so much so that it still hurts now? But well, that's life. We can expect everything to just go well... in fact most of our friends here are not experiencing a very smooth journey too in their love life...

Anyway, I should believe you make a vow to love your wife always and forever when you marry her, didn't you? For the rest of your life, isn't it?
Now that you know how hurting it can be to be breaking someone dreams, I am sure you won't break yours?

You see; everything in life happen for a certain reason. Why a forest fire? It might seem a bad thing, right? But do you know it help to maintain a balance for the many life in the forest? Why are you in this forum? Perhaps the reason would be it's time you know you have to forget about your hurting past and to move on in life? Well, I don't think I have that great ability to help you much but nonetheless, I really hope you can make the choice to let go of your past and move on in life...

Do give it some thoughts... you were saying that you are stuck here with a job and having a wonderful wife and family? Right here in Toronto? Likewise, I am sure you have your happy times in Toronto too? Hmm...? Perhaps the very reason of you coming to Toronto is to meet your wife and to start this wonderful family of yours?

Well, life is a journey not a destination. You certainly have not reached your destination, ott2162. You can still have your dreams... it is never too late... and that is if you choose to let go of your past and move on in life..
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