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Confused about marriage...

 
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kncfes
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Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 7:01 pm    Post subject: Confused about marriage... Reply with quote

Hi...I have been married for 4 years and 3 months...I have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship and my husband and I share a 3 year old son. We recently just went through a law suit with his ex-wife and I found out some information that was kept from me prior to our getting married. It's mostly financial, but had I known about it before, I never would have gotten married to start with until his financial obligations to her had been fulfilled...so now, I am having to help pay for his past life with her in the sum of $38,000.00. As you can imagine, I am not the least bit happy about this...I feel like this is not the life I signed up for in the beginning...I look at our finances and can't help but feel as though I would be better off without him. My children are both young and I want what's best for them...but with this added debt, it's just making it impossible to afford much else...I need to put my son into a preschool program, but don't have the available funds to do so. Not once in any of this has he offered to get a second job to help pay the additional debt...I have actually been working extra hours to try to keep our same lifestyle. On top of all of this, I feel like I am falling out of love with my husband...I no longer feel the same around him as I once did...sort of feel more resentful than anything. I have talked to him about the financial part of this problem, but not the emotional part...I know he will be devistated...I'm seriously thinking of asking him for a trial separation...any thoughts or advice?
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Cre8tive09
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Joined: 08 Jan 2010
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well first i want to commend you for sticking by your husbands side and helping him by any means possible...thats wonderful. What I would suggest is a. tell him how you feel...explain that this is really taking a toll on you and that you are tired of stuggling financially...etc. b. since hes your husband, when you married him you married everything connected to him whether you knew of it or not so its in your best interest, if you want you to stay married, that you continue to do what your doing...but if he doesnt show that he is trying to help by any means or anytime soon i say seperate for a while and try to figure out whats the most important and how much you love him..because if you truly love him this will only be a miniscule problem...hope this helps..
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raiundazan
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Joined: 01 May 2010
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 1:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I have not been married that long to tell you that I know a lot. It's frustrating to find out all the flaws once you are married already since an escape route is not the answer. But this is how I deal with marriage... I think of it as a decision that I made a vow to keep. So even if he doesn't please me everyday, I will stick to my marriage because it is a promise that was made before God... and one more thing.. even if he disappoints you at times, can you live without him? Because a trial separation may lead to the real thing. Don't let him get used to you not being there for him.. he might confuse himself and just like the idea.. If you are willing to risk that, then it's your call.
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