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Will I have a second chance?
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Vahn
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 10:17 am    Post subject: Will I have a second chance? Reply with quote

Hi all. Last week, my girlfriend broke up with me. It was very tormenting I must say. It was the day after Valentine's Day. I feel really sad. I was working while she sent me a message saying that we are not compatible together and wanted a break up. She say I was not her dream guy to. She say many things that hurt me. Now everyday is like hell. Suddenly, I have gone back to my single life. On Valentine's Day, I brought her out without planning anything because we were having some quarrels. So I'm not sure whether she will accept my date. The day before Valentine's Day, I went to look for almost every restuarant and most of them were fully book. I was feeling depress. 2 Days before Valentine's, she told me a guy is dating her. So I asked her to push his date to wednesday while mine on tuesday. And so on Valentine's, I bring her only to a so-so cafetaria and dine. My mind was really blank on that day. For the whole day, I didn't hold her hand too. I'm really such a failure. I have no confidence when dating a girl. And so when I sent her home, I asked if she needs me to accompany her. She said no. Argh...

We were together for 4 months and 20 days before we broke up. Earlier on, a lot of people don't really agreed on us being together. Even her mum and sis said that. Our friends told us that our character will not match. Her mum told her that there will be a handsome guy than me waiting for her and stuffs. All this words really makes my mind go wild. I started sending her wierd messages like am I the right guy for her. My friends scolded me and say I shouldn'e say this kind of stuffs to her. Now, I really regret it. But I didn't really hurt her at all. Just that I like to sent her wierd messages like the one above. i really treasure her a lot, just that maybe I'm a little too fast in going. Both of us are 18.

The day after Valentine's, while I was working, she sent me a message saying she wants to break up. She say our characters don't click too. I asked her if I ever woo her again, will I still have a chance? She said no. Yeah. Was it the guy's actions or mine actions that cause us to break up? For the 1 whole week, my friends told me dress up myself to look good when going out before dating her again. She told me before she don't really mind my looks but do she really minds? When breaking up, she didn't say anything about my looks. Afterall, people can say one thing yet do another. I have thought about it and decided to change my dressing and my character. But will I still have a second chance? And the guy that dates her, she don't like him before, because she says he is a little wierd for her. And for Valentine's present, he gave her a necklace which have to be taken out from a mussle and wear it for her. She say it was a meaningful present than mine. I was really jealous. I was thinking how could the guy do that when he knows she has a boyfriend already. And was thinking why my girlfriend would allow him to wear for her. *sigh*. Will I still have a second chance? I still love her, although she told me that I'm not in her heart anymore...


Last edited by Vahn on Wed Feb 22, 2006 3:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 2:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Will you still stand a second chance? Hmm... that is really hard to be saying.

I know it wouldn't sounds nice but do pardon me for saying. Whether or not you are going to suceed a 2nd time, you certainly does need to change your thinking and usual way of doing things.

If you were to ask me whose action was it that cause the break off? I would say that it got a lot more to be doing with you.

From what you described, it seems like you are feeling very uncertain about yourself Vahn. The very fact that you suceeded in making her your girlfriend already proven that you are better than the other guy. At least in your girlfriend's eyes, you are definitely much better than him. It is your girlfriend's feeling that truly matters.

I wouldn't know exactly went wrong but I felt that you somehow really disappointed your girlfriend.

You mentioned that you like to sent her weird messages like whether you are the right guy for her? Isn't kind of sad for her to receive such a message when she already accepted you, accepting you to be that guy for her?

I believe she must have been hurt, not to mentioned that it is not only once but very often that she receive such messages from you. Think about it, despite negative feedback from her own mum and sister, she still choose to be with you. Don't you think you hurt her with those remarks?

Every girl would like her boyfriend to be someone who can provide her with a sense of security and not someone who make her feel lost and uncertain.

I believe she really didn't mind your looks. Likewise, a so so cafe during Valentine's Day doesn't really matter. It's how you make her feel, providing her with a happy and fortunate feeling that really matters...

I hope my words did not disturb or hurt you Vahn. Just feel that you really need to be more confident in yourself.

I believe she does still have feelings for you. Perhaps it is not too late now. But to make things possible, you have to be confident Vahn. Maybe she is saying all those words in a fit of anger just to make you jealous. I should believe she did so because she still cares about you.

Well, whether or not you will suceed a 2nd time, we wouldn't know. But if you never try you never know. It's either you do it or not. Let's just do it then. Pluck your your courage and pursue her again Vahn. If it mean sending her 120 stalk of roses, be it 120 stalk of roses... I believe you still like her a lot? Do what you have to do..

All the best... Wink
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Vahn
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 2:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh. No problem. I knew it was my fault too. Actually, she was the one who confess her feelings for me. Thats why I feel very bad. I done those things to her. But her mum keeps giving us pressure. Makes me not confident of myself. Should I continue to woo her? Or should I just forget about her? I'm really lost... I still love her but...sigh...
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 3:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Of course you should continue too woo her.

Don't let her mum affect you Vahn. It is how she feel that really matters...

You were saying that she was the one who actually confess her feeling for you? Then I am pretty certain she does still have feelings for you... We are afterall human Vahn, not some cold blooded creatures.

It is not the time to be feeling lost now. You still love her right? Then we have better be taking some actions soon before it is too late.

Just a guts feeling, I believe she is somehow waiting for you. You had disappoint her once. Don't disappoint her another time Vahn. No point playing the guessing game now. It will only make you even more miserable and perhaps she is feeling just as miserable as you...

I know this may sounds old fashion but may I suggest sending some flowers to her? I have always suggested the same thing to my friends... Sending flowers can never go wrong. Girls will usually be delighted to receive them and will naturally be anxious to just find out more who it is from and what's written on the card that goes with it.

Give her a little surprise. You have nothing to lose... Perhaps you might receive some suprise response for yourself too, you never know...

Don't tell me you don't even want to be trying Vahn? C'mon...
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Vahn
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 2:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Of course Im still going to try. But Im thinking of doing other things which have more meaning. Yeah... Instead of giving flowers, I would like to do 5 things. All 5 things represent something...

1st is to give her a bracelet. Because I saw that her wrist never wear anything. It represent I still await to hold her hand one day.

2nd is to give her a bottle of seashells. Before we broke up, we went to east coast park in Singapore to collect seashells. It represents our memories have not been a history.

3rd is to draw a portrait of her by myself though I'm not good at drawing. It represents that she still linger in my mind everyday.

4th is to give her all my letters which I have wrote for her after we have broke up. It represents how I lead my life without her.

5th is about myself. I'm going to change myself, be it inner and outer beauty. It represents a new change of me and waiting for her to accept me again.

Then when I'm all ready with these things, I will ask her out for a lunch or dinner and give her these 5 things.

What do you think about my ideas? It will take about 1 month for me to do these things. Will it be too late?
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 2:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well not too bad an idea... but one month is certainly too long. I am afraid it might be too late to save this relationship.

I guess we should compromise and do whatever that can be done soon. The seashells sounds like a good idea but of course you must let her know that you truly cherish all those wonderful memories with her... don't make her guess, say it to her... Same for the letters and portrait. But please, you gotta be fast before it is too late Vahn.

Btw may I ask, have you still been in contact with her?
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Vahn
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 1:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm... No at all since we broke up for 10 days already. Do you think I should contact her? But still I need to change right? I mean she say I'm not the type of guy that suits her. I really need some time to change myself because I'm afraid if I meet her again, she will have the same impression for me. Like no chnage at all. Yeah...
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 4:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, if you does want to patch up with her, you should of course try to get in contact with her... how long can she still be waiting? You wouldn't want any other guys to take advantage and cut in now?

We can't expect someone to just change over nite... but in my opinion, by taking the initiative to try to patch things up with can be a good start to show her that you are willing to change for her. You have to show her that you are determined and you want to be the guy whom she had always dream of you to be...

Show her your letters, bring her to that beach and show her that you remember and cherished all those wonderful time with her... don't keep her waiting...
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whiterose
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do what you were going to do with the gifts, which I think is wonderful, and make sure you contact her ASAP. Like scorpio said, someone else could take the advantage if you don't! But also Vahn, when you see her or contact her, tell her with all your heart that you're willing to change for her. This is very important. Another thing: I see this happen all the time, even I forget...; No one (but God, Very Happy) can read your mind. So make sure you tell her how you feel. I hope it works out!
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Vahn
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 12:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok. I will sent her message tonight. But there's already another guy who is already dating her. Do you think I should interfere suddenly? What should I say in my message? I'm lost... Sorry if I'm being too such a let down... Sad
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 11:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Do you think you should just interfere suddenly? Rather, I would say he is the one who is interfering the both of you. but nevertheless, since another guy had come into the picture, it is not time for you to hesistate anymore Vahn.

You have to be certain about yourself. Not to sound negative but we really wouldn't know how she is feeling now... maybe she is slowly beginning to forget you... You might still have a chance to get her back. It is either you do it now or not.

Just tell her how you really felt... the most important thing, let her know you still love her and that you are willing to change for her. Ask for her forgiveness and a chance to be with together again.

In anyway, you must prepared to meet her in person Vahn. This is something you can't avoid and in fact you should be hoping that she would agree to meet up with you again.

I am afraid text messaging might not sounds sincere enough. Afriad to be talking to her? Then perhap it would really be good that you sent her some flowers together with a card or letter that say how you really feel... hopefully with your words and the flowers, you can touched her once more...
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Vahn
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 12:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok. I'm will do it. Be it the outcome is good or bad, I will still face it. Yup. At least I know I have try. Thanks.
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whiterose
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes Vahn, you must try. Here's the thing: You just sit back and watch her wander away, and you lose. You tell her you want her back, and you want to change for her, and you many win, or you may still lose her. At least with telling her how you feel you still have a chance to win her back, opposed to not doing anything at all, where you lose no matter what, Right?
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 12:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's the spirit Vahn! Be it for her or yourself, that certainly a change for a good start... Hope to hear good news from you Wink
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Vahn
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I guess that's what she really want... Look what she wrote...

http://www.xanga.com/AnNahly_88

I'm so sad... Looks like I have to really give up on her... Although it hurts, I have no choice... It can't return to the past already. She say she will regret it if she ever come back to me in the future...
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