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my best friend and i slept together
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Haydyn
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 2:39 pm    Post subject: my best friend and i slept together Reply with quote

My best friend and i met about a year ago. Well we knew each other 4/5 years before, from high school but we never actually talked much and when we do no matter what we talked about we never seemed to agree on any topic. Anyway about a year ago we bumped into each other at a shopping centre. It was kinder ackward and sort of fake at first. It was like "yeh so nice to see you again....blah blah". but we exchanged emails and phone number, and after a few phone calls and text messages we clicked and from then we went everywhere together and talked non stop. After a while i kinder started to really like her, i would think about her every moment of the day, and i would want to call her everynight just to hear her voice and everytime we decide to go out together i'd be up all night thinking about what i could say or do to make her have the best time. I secretly had a little crush on her. There's no doubt that she loves me, she tells me all the time, when i'm down she would say how much she loves me and that i mean the world to her, and although i honestly think that there is chemistry between us, she has never said anything or done anything to confirm for me that she wants to be more then friends. We love each other and care about each other heaps and we both know that but i never had the guts or really knew how to tell her that i love her and want her to be my girlfriend.

Anyway my best friend and i met up for lunch one day, after lunch i suggested we go back to my place and watch a dvd.

So we were at my place, quietly watching the dvd. I had two very comfy armchair sofas in the lounge, halfway throught the movie she accidently spilt her drink on the sofa that she was sitting on. Although i had other chairs in the house that we could sit on, i told her to come share with me and sit with me on my sofa chair. Although the sofa chair was very roomy, never the less it was a one seater. So as you can see we were very close. I totaly tuned out from watching the dvd the minute she had half her body against mine, although my eyes never dared to leave the tv screen. My heart beated faster and faster by the minute, and i hated myself for even suggesting to share the seat in the first place.

We were so close i could hear her chewing the popcorn. I got so nervous, I was literally dying on the spot. I wanted to pull her closer to me and tell her that i wanted her to be more than my friend but i also didnt want her to get the wrong idea and thought that i was taking advantage of the situation, b/c i would never want to hurt her like that.
After a while she got restless so she put her head on my shoulder. I don't know what i was thinking but straight away i put my arms around her and pulled her closer to me and asked her if she was cold. She said she was a little bit cold, so i went to get us a blanket. Even with the blanket on she was still kinder shivering so i hugged her closer, and she pulled me in even closer. Then i couldnt control myself anymore and i kissed her on the mouth. First she pulled back and was going to get up and possibly leave but then i told her not to go, to my surprise she sat back right down on my lap and we kissed and had sex. I even carried her into the bedroom and we did it again.

I know this sounds like a nice story about a couple finding love, it's not really. After that night, she never talked to me again. The next morning after we made love she left before i even woked. I tried to talk to her about it many times for months but she refused to talk about it, she refuses to see me. She said she didnt think that it was a good idea for us to be seeing each other anymore, not even as friends. It's been almost 2 months and she's still not talking to me.

I know i never asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend let alone have sex but i swear i never took advantage of her that night. One thing just lead to another. Honest.
Why won't she talk to me? I don't understand. Was i wrong the make a move? Maybe she loves me to death but only as a best friend, and i was totally out of line??? Maybe i was wrong about us having any chemistry.

Should i keep on pursueing this relationship or just forget about it and move on. I care about her so much and want to be with her. Why does she keep avoiding me? What should i do? What can i do?
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well it indeed sounds like a little nice story about a couple falling in love here...

Hmm... things can be a bit tricky here. We woudn't really know how she is exactly thinking now. But nevertheless, I should believe you still does love her very much. Don't you, Haydyn? I don't think this is the time to just give up yet.

Likewise, I should believe she does feel something for you too or else things wouldn't have even happened in the first place. Perhaps she is feeling real lost and uncertain now... and if truly so, you have to assure her of your love for her; that thing actually happened because you truly like her and that you never had the intention of taking advantage of her at all...

Whatever the case may be, you should let her know how you really feel. Yes, I suppose you might not have the chance to have a good talk with her but I believe you should be able to write down your feelings?

May I suggest sending her some roses with a card or letter saying how you really felt? I thought that might be a good way to "talk" to her since she is avoiding you.

Pluck out your courage, Haydyn. Tell her how much you love her and that you wanted her to be your girlfriend... oh btw just fyi, 15 roses represent apology Wink you might like to refer to [url]http://www.loveletterbox.com/meaning_of_roses.htm[/url]

Tell her how badly you miss her and how much you was hoping that she could be by your side during Valentine's Day... perhaps you could lighten the tension by joking that you didn't mean to save money to be only sending her roses now after Valentine's Day but only manage to find the courage only till now?? Rolling Eyes

Just a suggestion, Haydyn. I am sure you know what you need to do for yourself. Well, hope my suggestion helps... Truly hope that things will turn out well....
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*3yearlovemaster*
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

here is my opinion on the situation...she might not be talking to you because she is afraid of the feellings that are inside her..maybe she knows she loves you more than a friend but is scared to take that step..maybe she had a bad relationship like that, that ended the same way this one did...if my best friend did that to me I wouldnt mind..as long as I liked him as much as he liked me..if he liked me and i didnt like him that way..then i wouldnt stop being his friend I would just forget about the whole thing and just continue being friends with him...but then again there could be some sexual content..maybe she didnt like it or something..or maybe she isnt into males and is into females...there are many possibilities..you just have to keep trying...never give up..
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Haydyn
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 12:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeh i tried the flowers thing two days ago. I opted for orange roses, orange being her favourite colour, and annoyingly a bit unfortunate for me b/c orange roses are soooooooo hard to find!!!

I haven't talked to my best friend for almost two months. This morning she emailed me to say that she got the flowers that i sent.
"No how are you", no "i miss you", no "thank you for the roses", nothing apart from "i got your flowers"

Although there was "no leave me alone", "please don't try to contact me again"...etc

hmmmmm what could this mean. She don't sound mad anymore. But she's not saying much.

i don't know if this is progress, that she is initiating our getting together process with this tiny tiny step which is the extremely short email, OR that she has gotten to the point where she couldn't care less and that a short emial was all that she could be bothered with.

Maybe she wants me to take the first step, email or call her back and we can start again. and she's a kinder shy and quiet girl, so maybe she wants me to take the step of actually asking her out. hmmmm

i'm so lost, her short email could mean anything.....HELP!

please let me know what you think
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 12:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think that it is progress..she didnt have to email you...but she wanted too..what you can do is email her back and ask does she like them..or how has it been since the last time we talked..or just make simple conversation...
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 3:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So you still remember her favorite color? I hope she is touched by the flowers especially when it is her favorite color...

Well I guess this could be considered a little progress. Afterall, the silence for the two months is somehow finally broken? Hmm... anyway mind if I ask, what was it that you told her together with the flowers?

Maybe she didn't know what to be saying but the fact is that she did sent you a email to acknowlege your gift for her... We wouldn't really know but since she sent you a mail, it is very likely that she is subconsciously waiting for your reply. And whatever the case may be, you have definitely have to speak to her, giving her a reply. Don't disappoint her...

So for a start maybe not to rush into things, we shall just sent her a email reply and see how things goes...

Hmm.. so what can we be saying in your reply? Well at the least, you could be saying things like hope she like the flowers, how's everything.. etc We have to show that you have not forgotten and you still care a lot about her...

hope that things will change for the better...
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 11:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hi everyone.

me and my best friend are talking again. i'm over the moon, and she said she's glad as well. We're taking things very slow but i'm not complaining, we're both very sensitive and vulnerable people so i guess takingthings slow is good.

although i can't be more happy about us being friends again, i just hav this little feeling she's holding back on things. We've done lunch a couple of times but she avoids dinners, doesnt want to come to my place, like she use to, and i used to walk her home or drive her home after we go out but now she drives herself or decides to take a taxi instead. Even when i'm right there and can readily take her home.

We're talking and spending time together after work and all that and i'm very grateful, we hav a good time, but i want so much more. She seems to give off no signs, there's no enthusiasm, like she couldnt care less whether we actually do spend time together or not, its like we only acutally go because i asked or suggested.

should i persist with this relationship??? or is it just a waste of my time?

last night i asked her how much i meant to her. She said she loves me very much, more than i can ever guess, and then kissed me on the lips.

please help
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 3:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Giving up after been through so much? I wouldn't think so... I am sure you also wouldn't want to right, Haydyn? So I shall take that you have never asked... Wink

Anyway am sure to hear that you both are talking to one another once again.

Hmm... anyway, did you know that you have just asked her a very sensitive question? But nevertheless, I should believe that that was a positive reply from her. I am sure she is sincere about her words and likewise, that kiss of hers... Afterall the both of you had been through so much...

Perhaps as you had said, the both of you are sensitive and vulnerable people. Well, the more you should be taking things slowly then...

I know sometimes it can be so hard to control your feeling but things have just only begin to get back... Be patient, Haydyn. Take it slowly... Thinking back of all those torturing silence, isn't things great now?

Give both yourself and her some time... I believe there's certainly more to just a friendship between the both of you... Don't let her go again this time, Haydyn. Wink
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hi everyone. how are you all?

i agree that my best friend and i should take things slowly and we are.

However if there was any romance between us, it's pretty much over now.

I had an infection in the joints of my fingers on my left hand a couple of years ago that caused me to have chronic pain from time to time, normally it's not that much big of a deal but i'm a graphics designer for a media company hence my hands are very important. So two days ago i had an operation on my left hand. my best friend knew about it, i mentioned it many times, but she never rang me before the operation or after to see how i am. I was upset that she didnt come in to see me @ the hospital but then i didnt mind that b/c she could've been busy. But not even a little phone call or small message.

So when i was discharged from hospital, i took a taxi to her house instead of home b/c i missed her and needed to see her so badly. It was so lonely in the hospital. Anyway her excuse was that she was very busy. i can understand that.

but a while later, this guy rocked up to her place. And she and him started talking non stop, like i wasnt even there. She didnt even introduced me, i was pretty upset b/c firstly i have never heards her mention him before, secondly they both totally ingored me, i;m her best friend/boyfriend and she totally gave me no attention and he was flirting and teasing her, he was leaning very close to her and all that too. And all this while i was sitting with them.

i was verry upset. I felt so insignificant and little. hurt to be honest. Whoever he is she didnt want him to know who i was to her, she gave him all of her attention while i was also there in the same room.

i don't mean to sulk or winge or complain but i've just got out of hospital for gods sakes. A little gesture of care would be nice. She didnt even ask me how i was.

now i think i know why she never came to the hospital to see me.
now i kno the reason for her lack of enthusiasm towards me after we started talking again.

maybe they havent done anything for me to name it cheating yet. maybe the guy was flirting and she was just doing it back, or whatever, even if they were just having a bit of fun, he probably likes her but they havent gone far. But whatever it is, it's obvious that to her, this stranger is way more important than me, if she hasnt acknowledged me as a boyfreind yet than i can understand but i'm her best friend first, but i guess i'm not as important as this guy.

so yeh, i don't want to see her anymore. After all that effort and now it has come to this.

thanks guys for all your advice. just wish i had better news.

best wishes
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

love really hurts...... doesn't it?
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 5:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Was really looking forward to hearing good news from you too Haydyn. I am sorry that it wasn't...

I am not going to be saying anything that would give you any false hope. I know it is sure hurting. Whatever it is, every guy sure deserve to have some dignity...

I wouldn't really know but I guess it isn't really as easy as just simply saying to forget... But well, It seems like you are determined not to be seeing her anymore anyway? It is definitely your choice Haydyn. If you seriously feel that that is the best for you then let it be...

Anyway, I was just thinking. To how good an extent the friendship is, only you know it best. Perhaps it might be happier for you not to be looking her up anymore. But if she does called and look you up later, would it be just ok and worth it to be meeting her again? I guess only you know it Haydyn...

I wouldn't know how the story will be but life still does go on... Best wishes to you too Haydyn. Oh btw, hope your everything is ok with your finger?
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hi

my best friend is one of the most important people in my life. Her well being and happiness means the world to me.

But just seeing how insignificant i seem to her compared to everybody else that she know is just extremely painful. I'm not only very disappointed but also am very hurt.

But i suppose you cant make someone love you, its really up to them.

For a while there i thought we would be the best and most happiest couple in the world.

I keep on thinking of the night we slept together, when i really thought we could from that incident take our relationship one step further.

Its pretty obvious that she doesnt really put a lot of importance in our relationship or friendship. It's been around a week now, I havent contacted her b/c im still pretty upset, she knows that but she hasnt even called or messaged to even ask how i am, if not as her lover then as her friend. But when i really think about it, it has always been like this. I would always call to drag her out, ask her out, take her to places. I do the asking, and i was always the one who wanted to go in the first place. Although at the time she was equally as excited when i take her to places, but still goes to show only i think of her. I guess i hardly crossed her mind when she's at home.

I dont want to have her out of my life, like i said our friendship is jus as important, but even as friends, its only one way, i call, i initiate things, and if i don't then there would be no outings, no friendship at all i guess.

i want her and need her company so bad, i never realised i could cry so easily. I'm desparate for her love, sometimes when i think about it, i feel like begging and pleading for her to consider me, but i won't.
I want to be with her but i also don't want a relationship where i have to be constantly running after her begging for her attention, i don't want to be the boyfriend or best friend that buzzes around his girlfriend/best friend and sticks to her like glue. I don't want to be in a situation where i might be rejected, dismissed, or ignored by the people i love and whom supposely love me. I don't want that insecurity. I would rather grieve over what could've been then cry over my insecurity while we're dating.

its not the end. We could still talk about things, see each other now and again, maybe even be boyfriend & girlfriend, or good friends again, all this if she calls/contacts me. To be honest i'm sick of being the one who always initiate things. It's all up to her now.

hehe, i guess i've just made things harder for myself b/c right now i'm dying to hear her voice or if even better see her face.

why can't i, for once, why can;t i have things my way......

why won't she call.
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 9:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey there Haydyn!

You know what? Have you told her how you feel? You know, all the things you've just told us. How sad you are that she never contacts you, how you're dying to see her...wouldn't she listen to you? I'd hope so...but if not, Haydyn...maybe...you should rethink trying to be with her...? I can see that you care quite deeply for her; but you don't deserve to be insecure: No one does. You seem to be a very nice person, Im sure you are. There are many other people out there who will probably see that in you. But it's your choice. Completely up to you! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 10:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well it's sad to be saying... but you are right Haydyn. Love can't be compel. Whether she love you, it's all hers to be saying. You can only do what you could and that is to make her happy... But beside so, you have to be happy yourself too...

A love relationship is afterall about two person; you and that very someone. For things to ultimately move on, it requires both you and her to be happy. Only then can it be a blissful relationship.

I wouldn't know how she felt when she is with you. If she truly enjoys having your presence in her life all these while, I guess she should at least feel something for you too.

Maybe she is just so used to your initiating all these while. But then again, she has to play her part too... hope she will be missing you and calling you soon...

Sincerely hope that things will work out well... Hope I can be hearing some good news from you the next time Haydyn.
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2006 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hi everyone!

how are we all?

its been a while since last time eh??? hope we're all good.

best wishes for the coming easter guys.
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