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Our age difference has become a problem after 5 years

 
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SecretlySad
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Joined: 15 Nov 2009
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:35 pm    Post subject: Our age difference has become a problem after 5 years Reply with quote

My boyfriend is 17 years my senior - I am 27 and he is 44.

For most of our relationship this was never a problem, I never saw his age, only the person he is, but lately it has started to really bother me. It has nothing to do with our different interests or anything like that, and he certainly doesn't act his age (not in an immature way) but over the past few years I have seen groups of my friends getting married - all to people their/my age (give or take maybe 1 or 2 years in between). This has started to really upset me and I dread receiving wedding invitations in the mail.

When we first started dating (I was 21, nearly 22), telling people his age was a huge novelty for me. It made me feel mature. But as the years have gone on that feeling has changed. I have realised that even though I truly do love him, maybe it would have been best if we had stayed friends. I don't want to marry him. We have spoken about it and I have told him it is just not a big deal for me when in reality something about marrying him doesn't sit well with me.

I worry a lot about the future too. When I reach the age he is now, he will be ready for retirement. I don't want to be working for nearly another 2 decades before joining my partner in retirement.
When I am finally of retirement age at 63, he will be 80. I know all of these things are a lifetime away, but we joked about it on the weekend and it kind of hit home with me. If we haven't had children by the time I am 33, he might be ok with being 60 years old at his child's 10th birthday party, but I am not ok with that. I know I should be but... I am just uncomfortable with it.

I only wish he was 15 or even 10 years younger! He is the perfect man. He treats me like a queen and still tells me he loves me every single day. He puts me first. He trusts me. He allows me all the freedom in the world. He supports me. He doesn't belittle me. He is my best friend. He wants nothing more out of life than to care for me and make me happy. I know I am never going to find a man as wonderful... but I can't shake this feeling and I don't know what to do.

How do you tell someone who you mean the absolute world to that you are having major, MAJOR issues over the one thing that they can't control or fix?!! And why has this started to bother me now?!! Sad
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romeohelpme
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Joined: 17 Nov 2009
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why are you just starting to think about this now - something inside you wants to settle down, in the marriage sense. And you're now starting to put everything into prospective. And something about spending the rest of your life with someone 17 years your senior isn't setting well with you. Something tells me that if you met this man, years down the road, after you had already had your family, and possibly gotten divorced, things would be so much different, and the age gap wouldn't be as visible now. But you really are starting to think about a family, and you're not sure that he could keep up with young children.

How do you tell him - Well this part might be even more difficult than just thinking about it. You've really got to focus on the foundation of a relationship, trust. If he knew you were hiding something from him, and he couldn't trust you to tell him what was going on, how would he feel? You've really just got to sit down and talk to him. He sounds really supportive, and I'm sure that he'll help you through your emotions. Maybe talking it out will help, maybe he'll tell you something that will change your mind completely, or maybe you'll see that you just aren't in the relationship that you want to be in.

Its really up to you to decide what is best for you in the end.

All the luck in the world,

romeohelpme
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Cassandra
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Joined: 01 Dec 2009
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 2:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

27 year is a mature age and this time you should decide that whether you will be happy with a 44 year guy or a say 30-35 year guy depends on you..think again about this relationship.
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