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Torn between two guys and what to do...

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Joined: 14 Jul 2010
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 8:51 am    Post subject: Torn between two guys and what to do... Reply with quote


So, as the subject says.. I'm torn between two guys. Please give me some advice if you can!

So just recently, a month ago, I met this guy at a wedding whom I thought was really cute. He kept coming to talk to me so I got the idea he liked me, but didn't believe he really might until he got my number from a friend and texted me the next day. He's been calling/ texting me a lot since and I even found out from a mutual friend that he does in fact like me. I think the guy is really cool, and while I was hesitant at first and thought he was coming off as kind of strong, after talking to him for like an hour a day.. (I know... it's a lot!) my feelings for him have started getting stronger. I actually do like the guy a lot now. He's sweet and easy to talk to. Funny. And we have a lot of mutual friends that have said he's a good guy w/ good family (though I don't know them). I feel like we don't have a lot in common though and am not sure how that would affect things in the future but I still enjoy talking to him now and things have just started. (He's in a diff state so can't hang out in person).

The problem is that this pattern - the calling and texting - reminds me of another guy I used to like for the longest time before and although I thought I didn't like him anymore, my feelings for him have come back.

I met this other guy about a year ago and we hit it off instantly. It started out the same way with texting and calling, and I even hung out with him a few times, but he had just got out of a serious relationship at the time and told me all about it.. a turn off considering how he ended it... and had gone back to school and was a huge partyer. I figured maybe he wasn't ready for another relationship but looked past it and how immature things he did were, because I really did enjoy his company and he was the first person I liked that actually seemed to like me back. He would send a lot of mixed signals though as to if he liked me or not (never wanting to visit me 2 hours away while he'd travel everywhere else, sometimes not talking to me for a week at a time, and calling me 'buddy'), and finally the cons outweighed all else and I gave up. He also used to talk about how he wanted to stay in touch with everyone and sometimes I felt like I was just one other person on his list. I still talked to him afterwards though just not as regularly. I tried moving on and ignoring him but after a few months (beginning of this year) I started liking him again. This time I thought I would give it a real try. We went out on a couple dates, but once again he gave mixed signals. On the one hand, he started asking how I was more, called and texted me regularly, and took me on what I thought was a couple dates cuz he paid and drove; but on the other, he never tried to hold my hand at the movies, walked in front of me all the time, didn't once give me a compliment even though I would give him some, made plans with other friends in front of me on our date, and basically would tell me how he thought all his friends that were in relationships were lame for not being 'fun' anymore and always wanting to hang out with their gf. While my attraction for him was still strong, I was too insecure (and annoyed) to not see these things as signs that he didn't like me.

But now, after seeing how this new guy always texts me and calls, I'm reminded of how he too used to do that and feel bad cuz I think maybe it was my fault it didn't work out. That maybe he did like me and was just taking it slow. I'm filled with regrets and what if's for how things would have worked out if I had just been more straightforward and asked him how he felt instead of just assuming. I just saw him again 2 weekends ago in a group setting where they were further renewed. That little spark was there. He was sweet and I remembered how I imagined a future with him to be. He's a lot of what I do and don't want in a person. Do - Liberal and very easygoing/ nonjudgemental, outgoing, funny, easy to hang out, ambitious, encouraging, and fun. Don't - still that fraternity type crazy, too passive (feel like he wouldn't fight to get me to like him... would just let it go like w/ old gf), immature, and a past my friends have warned me against (drinking and mixed signals).

I also don't know if he still does even like me, or if he's moved on. Or maybe he never liked me that way to begin with.

I'm tempted to ask him how he feels about me just to finally get some answers and to see if things would work out between us, but I feel bad now that I've made a connection with this other guy. And I wonder if I really like this first guy, or like who I imagined he would be in a relationship together. Like what happens if he says yes, and all the issues come up again? Or if he says no and it hurts this second guy to find out about it (they have close mutual friends). Should I talk to him? Or try to forget about it and let it go?

And, I also feel bad trying to move forward with the second guy with so many unresolved feelings.

I'm sorry this is so long. I just needed to get it all out to try to figure things out. Any advice would be welcome.

Thanks in advance to anyone who made it this far.
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Joined: 22 Jul 2010
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Thu Jul 22, 2010 6:44 am    Post subject: Dont get in a hurry. Reply with quote

Unless your ready to get married waht the problem? Date them both and tell them about it too. Just tell the look your awesome I like spending time wth you but I have to be 100% shure this is what I want to do. I just want to take the time and see waht happens.

The longer you know some one the better you know how you really feel about them. If you rush into somthing you could change you mind after you find out some things you didnt know before. No body want to to get there hart broke, but all to often we jup from relationship to relationship and dont make shure its a quality one first, Take the time make shure its quality.
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Joined: 14 Jul 2010
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 6:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I never thought of being open about it like that. What if the topic never comes up? I mean I haven't really talked specifically about relationships with either of them. Should I bring it up or just wait to see if either of them do?

Thanks for the advice.. I feel a bit better about it already Smile
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