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Divorce? Only 2 years in and already miserable!

 
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mksk
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Joined: 26 Sep 2009
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 3:38 am    Post subject: Divorce? Only 2 years in and already miserable! Reply with quote

There are so many issues that I just don't know where to start.

I have been married for about 2 years now, but what I took in as "cute" and charming slowly turned into outright annoyance. To simply put, my wife has always been the bratty, hot-tempered, self-serving/preserving women that I fell in love with... it is my own tolerance level that has changed.

I just cannot put up with this. I am no angel, but at times, she appears to be the devil. To explain our current relationship, she holds the dominant throne as the alpha and the omega. Her temper is on the shortest fuse, with the slightest touch setting off a nuclear reaction. I sometimes hate the fact that I see myself having to "suck up" to her just to be on her good side. It's demanding and it taxes the **** out of me.

Yes, I want to be the all-understanding, humble, and caring husband, but there is just so much that I can take. I too am a volatile bomb and after one too many bitching, I lose my head as well. I hate this part of me. I have never physically hit her, but after the switch in my head goes off I say things that hurt her emotionally (I have NEVER onced cursed at her - i.e. you bitch, etc.) After our fights, she often tells me that I make her out to be the worst woman in the world. I tell her things like "you have a very bad temper... why do you scream ALL the time... you're self-centered..." etc.

Last year we had our first "big" argument that lead us to being separated for about a month. During that month my wife decided (on her own) that it would be best if she joined the military. I only found out AFTER she already signed up to join the Army. She practically announced it to me, rather than discussing this with me - BIG difference!

I am also a recent undergrad graduate (June '09) and had to move out from the San Francisco/Sacramento area to live with her in the military base at Louisiana. Oh, and yes, I DROVE a friggen U-haul truck + my car towing behind me from California to Louisiana. What still boggles me to this day is that we fought over the phone while I was heading over to Louisiana because I took a break after a 10 hours of driving when it started to rain and visibility went down. She complained over the phone that I should have drove 2 hours more and stopped at San Antonio before calling it a night while I was on the other line trying to make her understand that it was unsafe to do so. When I finally did arrive, I was greeted with a stern look as if asking "what took you so fucking long." No word of "thanks" or "how was the trip honey" or "it must have been tough". Instead, when I asked if she was glad that I came all this way to see her, she lashed back by saying "Who told you to come? You came out of your own choosing." When I heard those words I almost cried, than had to calm myself from turning back and driving back home for another 4 days. Was this not a sacrifice in my part? Am I not the one that relocated to be with her? While all my buddies back in California were applying for positions in the corporate world, I was here in Fort Polk, Louisiana (middle of nowhere!) with my wife telling me that I was practically unwanted. Of course, all this was said while she was in her little temper tandrum, and I think (hopefully) she did indeed want me to be with her.

When we first dated, she blamed her temper problems to her hyperthyroid condition, which can make a person impatient, easily irritated, etc. However, since about last year, blood tests have showed normal levels but her temper tandrum still continues. She literally SCREAMS at the top of her lung like a 5 year old child whenever things do not turn up exactly the way she wants to. When she did this today, I told her I needed some fresh air so I stepped outside and jogged for about an hour to calm myself down. When I returned she continued her onslaught, only this time, I completely lost it. I told her to "SHUT UP, STOP SCREAMING" and ran out of the house like a lil' baby.

What should I do? I sometime feel like I'm living with a tyrant and can't stand to be under the same roof. Yet, I still do deeply love her. Oh wait... love? Our relationship is a bit abnormal, but I think I do love her, or atleast attached to her. I say this because we never had sex (aside from the occasional foreplay, etc.) Yes, it's been 4 years since we first met. What bothers me more is that she wants a child before she's 30, so AT HER CONVENIENCE, she's willing to have sex sometimes next year for the sake of producing a baby. What am I? A sperm bank? No means no, and I respect that, but boy do I get horny sometimes.

To describe myself, I am usually passive, but at times, I wish I was more aggressive/assertive. By no means am I looking for a male dominated relationship, but at the moment, my wife has full control of the cockpit. Sometimes I wonder... is she taking advantage of this?

I am in an emotional dilemma. I JUST graduated from a university, and while I love my wife dearly, I also want my life back. I'm tired of sucking up, not to my teacher or my boss, but to my very own wife. What should I do? Please, I need some sort of advice!
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stp23
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Joined: 29 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 8:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It sounds like things are not going to get any better. You need to separate at least. Marriage counselling is probably the only way to go in this situation, and definitely as soon as possible if you are going to try and keep it together.

You say you haven't had sex in the two years you've been married. That's not a sign of a healthy marriage at all.
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witch_goddess
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Joined: 17 Sep 2009
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 1:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It would be better if you break up for a while and give each other space to think over the things that had happened and will happen. If you want to make your relationship work out, you should undergo marriage counseling because that is the perfect way to mend and enlighten your minds as a couple. A relationship won't work out if only one is working, it takes two to tango.

If you want to get back your life, then use the space as a breather and find ways to be successful. Before you give each other space, talk to your wife heartily about your feelings towards your situation and the way she treated you. If things won't go well as you talk heart to heart then it is time to give each others' life a breather. It seems like both of you are choking and suffering from a chaos relationship. In addition, I think your wife needs to undergo some sort of therapy in controlling her temper.
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confusedheart
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Joined: 12 Oct 2009
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 2:01 pm    Post subject: Get out Reply with quote

I'm very against divorce but this is a case where I let that opinion go... Your wife seriously needs help with her anger and I don't think there is anything you can do other than talking to her about how you feel and why you feel that way... If you all have an adult convo and things blow up ya I would say it's time to let it go... It's to early in you're relatioship for you to be having problems like this... If you don't have kids yet and a house together and all that I would LEAVE ASAP!

Good luck I know relationships are hard but if you're not happy now and have a chance to get out DO IT!
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