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My bf is my BEST FRIEND, but I have no passion for him

 
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Stephyotis
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 6:16 pm    Post subject: My bf is my BEST FRIEND, but I have no passion for him Reply with quote

My boyfriend and I have know each other for 8 years. We dated for 3 years, from 2003-2006, broke up (we were both young and needed growing up, I was 22), then started dating again in Oct 2008. We are so compatible, have so much fun together, have so many similar interests and are completely comfortable with each other. However, I have no desire for anything physical with him beyond holding hands and cuddling. I know he does not feel the same way. He will make advances and sometimes I comply, but other times I make up excuses. For example, we had a hotel room on Valentines day. Before dinner we were in the room and my excuse was, I didn't want to have to shower again before we went out. THEN when we got home from dinner, I fell right asleep. I must note that, when we are intimate, it is very enjoyable, so it's not a matter of performance. I guess my questions are:

1) Is it normal after all these years to be more like best friends and less focused on the physical?

2) Would you stay with someone who treats you well, makes you laugh and loves you dearly (who you love too), even if there was no passion from your end?

Any thoughts or advice are appreciated!!! Thanks!
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mr_one
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Joined: 28 Feb 2009
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have to decide if that is enaugh for you! Only you know what's important for you!

So if you think you will need another guy to get physical with one day: brake up.

If you think someone else can will be better: brake up.

If you think you will only make him depressed, because you always need tricks to keep him away: be fair and brake up.



If you know that he is the man you want to spend your life with and you are willing to try some new things to make your physical relationship exciting for both of you again, too, then go on. But it will be a lot of work!

What do you have to loose and what will you win with someone else? That's what you have to ask yourself.
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aud99
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 3:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hard question, this one is. On one hand, physical intimacy is important in a relationship. On the other, so is companionship, communication and other things beyond sex. After all, in a relationship as you get older, the sex thing is probably less important than the communication/companion part.

But because both of you are still young, it is kind of hard to sustain a relationship without any physical passion. You can't always be inventing excuses to avoid physical intimacy. Maybe in the initial stages, he may be accommodating. But if you keep doing that, it will definitely put a strain onto your relationship if he can see through all your excuses.

Maybe you should also ask yourself why is there a lack of passion on your part. Probably the answer to your question will lie there.
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Manzier
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:57 pm    Post subject: Re: My bf is my BEST FRIEND, but I have no passion for him Reply with quote

[quote="Stephyotis"]My boyfriend and I have know each other for 8 years. We dated for 3 years, from 2003-2006, broke up (we were both young and needed growing up, I was 22), then started dating again in Oct 2008. We are so compatible, have so much fun together, have so many similar interests and are completely comfortable with each other. However, I have no desire for anything physical with him beyond holding hands and cuddling. I know he does not feel the same way. He will make advances and sometimes I comply, but other times I make up excuses. For example, we had a hotel room on Valentines day. Before dinner we were in the room and my excuse was, I didn't want to have to shower again before we went out. THEN when we got home from dinner, I fell right asleep. I must note that, when we are intimate, it is very enjoyable, so it's not a matter of performance. I guess my questions are:

1) Is it normal after all these years to be more like best friends and less focused on the physical?

2) Would you stay with someone who treats you well, makes you laugh and loves you dearly (who you love too), even if there was no passion from your end?

Any thoughts or advice are appreciated!!! Thanks![/quote]

sounds like he should just be your best friend then, and not your boyfriend :-<
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chalotdatche
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think you should tell him the truth that all you want is just friendship from him. don't make him feel like a looser because when the time comes that he will know everything, he will think of that way. you are hurting his feelings sweety, he might not be showy about it but he is because you ignored him many times. you cannot hide this for all your life so, better tell him now. if you're scared of the outcome, then prepare for what will happen in the future.
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whiteberry
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 2:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with chalotdatche...
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