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If you are not happy in a marriage, would you prefer to ...
Stay in the marriage - get numbed, remain unhappy, but steady lifestyle, maybe boring but you would end up life with family and watching kids grow up.
 33%  [ 1 ]
Divorce - to start new lifestyle as an unmarried women, possibly remain single till death
 66%  [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 3

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Joined: 12 May 2009
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2009 2:44 am    Post subject: Divorce? Reply with quote

My husband, A, and I are married for 7 years and with a son of 5-y-o. I love A & son wholeheartedly and willing to sacrifice everything for them. They were my sky and my world until last year a married man, B, came into my life to ruin it all.

He triggered me to have an affair with him and he changes every single beliefs I had held it for a very long time. We were madly in love and spiritually compatible. But thats all we could have in one-dimensional love. We didnt have the courage to meet up and then we are stucked there till now, we are not in touch, but we get to read each other news on blogs we maintain and facebook, msn, etc.... but we never talk personally like we used to. However, we know we have found a very special person in our lives respectively.

It has triggered me to collapse my world and take a really good look into my marriage. I could NOT love and sacrifice willingly for A & son anymore like I used to. I started to look out for more romance with other men around me and I get all sort of attention i wished to have. I finally had sex with C, and did everything I wish to with B, onto C, since B has been 'away' from me. Whatever I do on C, were based on testing my feelings of the acceptance of having an affair and how unjust it could be upon A & B. The outcome is, no matter what I do, i no longer long for love and attention from A, and i want B more than ever. Leave B & C aside, here's i want to talk about the marriage with A.

I dont get attention i want from A, i am being excluded in his life, i am not being care of in the way I wish to, from A. But I have sourced all i need from B C D E, everyone except A. I seriously think i can not go on anymore with A and I wish to file a divorce. But I am not sure this is a decision to be made correctly. I do not know how to go thr this process and I am not sure if I would regret it one day. I am not I dont mind living alone for a long time without care of husband and son. I wanted a marriage 7 yrs ago and I had one. Today when I think I dont want it, can i just let it easily? And when I claim that i want an unmarried life now, what if I regret this 10yrs later? 20yrs later?

I wish you great ladies out there could give me an insight. Along with your opinions, adding [b]Your age and marrital status [/b]is a plus.

[size=18]Million Thanks![/size]
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Joined: 29 Oct 2006
Posts: 73

PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2009 9:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's one thing I don't care for regarding the internet: you encounter people who seem wonderful and genuine in every way, but it's through an electronic medium which doesn't convey the whole picture. Yes, the whole picture.

B might seem like a most wonderful man, and he might be in person, but are you sure? Could you sacrifice everything for someone who challenged your most sacred beliefs, feelings and committments, but who you have not met in person? If B really is the best thing in the world, will he still be after you have left A and your flesh and blood child?

I'm not going to respond to the poll, but I will say this: if you are going to drop everything, and change the lives of the two people who are closest to you, then at least do them a favor. That is, you must meet B in person, even if just for a couple of hours, a cup of coffee and a long talk. Then, you go from there.
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Joined: 12 May 2009
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 5:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A sincere Thank You to stp23.

Appreciate your effort to try to help me seeing it clearly bfore action. But no, i prefer to talk about the divorce itself instead of the affair. When i focus on the issue of divorce, i would like to make sure it is a decision to make for myself instead of picturing my future life with another man, who might leave me eventually... we wont know.

But for your information, i dont know what is going on with B and I, and i dont care. I enjoy loving him in my way and thats it. idont ask for anything from him, just like how we love ur favourite singers on the stage, or a celebrity.

What Im actually have an affair with is C, that we are great for each other, we are the husband and wife that we want to marry to and appreciate for what we are doing which are not getting from our lawfully half respectively. But the love of in depth and soul connection is not as strong as I have with B. C n I have met. We even met our childrens and let the kids play together. We enjoy 'this' family life which we dont get from our 'true' family.

Anyway, thats another story, which is out of topic.
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Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 9:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey there ,,
my parents had a prob. kinda like the one you have but it was dad who was having an affair ... lets not speake about "YOU " for a second you kept saying " this what i want , i need , i wish ect... " its always YOU and noone else YOU want a diffrent family , YOU need attention , YOU like the affair with B ... your son is now 5-y-o he might not know the whole meaning of divorce or betrayal all that he will know is that " mumy is gone " wont it break your heart if you didnt get the costity of the kid ? would you have " that " family ?? think about it you wont have the family you wished with C ..... and when your son grow up he would ask why did you get divorced ? and hey ,, imagine how you are gonna tell him that you had 2 or more affairs while marrying his dad ... believe me its so hard for a child to see his parents divorced .. just think about your kid and the great moments with A maybe have a littel chat with him about your needs ... just settel this down WITHOUT divorce
In a restless world
Like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many
Moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun
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Joined: 05 Mar 2008
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Applepie,

This is a typical case of nurturing a Love Triangle. My advice: You might ultimately regret it. Let me tell you a story about four characters whose names are Sharon, Mr Bills, Mr Skills, and Mr Romeo.

Sharon, Mr Bills, Mr Skills, Mr Romeo:

Women, like their male counterparts, generally have needs too, and overall, these needs can be grouped into three main categories: physical, material, and emotional. Considerate and realistic women know it is not always possible to have all three categories fulfilled by just one man, so they compromise, making do with one or two of the three needs, and at the same time accepting or working on the area(s) they find lacking in that man. However, there always seems to be that one woman somewhere – slipping through the net – with the firm belief that she can have it all. But if, all of a sudden, she realises – the hard way, if I may add – she couldn’t have the needs fulfilment she craves in just one man, what would she do?

Well then, let’s just theorise for one second: for her material needs, she sticks with Mr Bills for financial security, though not in the least bit attracted to him (Mr Bills might suspect, but in most cases, it is usually too late). Then she may have an affair with Mr Skills for his looks, outward appeal, and perhaps sexual prowess, to meet her physical needs, considering that Mr Bills is not really the best in the looks department and in most cases may be a little too tired for bedroom antics after a hard day’s work. If she – let’s call her Sharon – accuses Mr Bills of working all the time, he would point to the sports car in the garage – let’s call it Lamborghini – which he bought as a present for her last birthday and remark: ‘How did you think I could have afforded your car, by staying home and having sex all day?!’ (Is it just me, or does that sound harsh?) Although a responsible and industrious high-flyer working for a blue-chip company, Mr Bills is by no means innocent when it comes to taking office work home, thus sparing little or no time for Sharon.

And just when we thought we’ve seen the best of the ‘Mr Bills–Sharon–Mr Skills’ love triangle, in steps Mr Romeo, Sharon’s pillar of emotional support. Mr Romeo’s main positives and strength provide Sharon with a ‘listening ear’ whenever the chips are down– as we all may or may not know, every woman loves a good listener, especially when she needs to get a few things off her chest.

She could be with all three individuals for three different reasons without arousing their slightest suspicion. What about the men playing this tripartite game? Let us just say they are as real as taxes. I have met them, and I’m quite sure you have too (It could as well be you, the male reader) – and occasionally have even sat down to have drinks with them. Some were friends and acquaintances, and others? Well, we can call them ‘absolute strangers’, who felt the need to confide in anyone who cares to listen to them at their lowest points, most especially when alcohol had taken its toll. Mind you, as an observational writer, there is no better venue to find me in, with an imaginary pen and pad handy, than a wine bar or pub. As long as alcohol keeps flowing, the hearts and souls of men and women also tend – in unison – to flow as freely as the Niagara Falls.

Even though Mr Bills, Mr Skills, and Mr Romeo hold different statuses in the society – rich or poor, good looking or ugly, old or young– they are all ultimately victims of the same predicament: deception. To make matters worse, the three hardly ever cross one another’s path, making each feel assured that he is the only one in Sharon’s life. However, when fate does strike, and the deceit comes to an end, as it usually does eventually, the consequences are grave and unpleasant. We don’t want to be instruments of other people’s gratification, and because we are human beings, we all have feelings which should be protected, making us worthy of much more. And if we are really being honest with ourselves, men and women are sometimes the architects of their own precarious situations. If our so-called love interest doesn’t or no longer feels like playing ball – even though facing up to the hard facts sometimes proves difficult – turning on our ‘ignitions’ and stepping on the gas would seem the appropriate next line of action – that is, simply moving on. '

Now applepie, from what you've read about Sharon, understand that ultimately your actions would be detrimental to your wellbeing and your child(ren). It's in your hands and you owe it to yourself to make the right decision: one moment of pleasure in exchnage for everlasting sorrow? Choice is yours. Good luck.

JL Shash
Motivational Coach and Author
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