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What's going on here? (mixed signals)

 
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Spiegelmann
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Joined: 20 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:44 pm    Post subject: What's going on here? (mixed signals) Reply with quote

Hi,

this might take a while, so I ask for your patience. I will try to avoid walls of text, though. Also, English isn't my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

First off, a bit of background information. I'm currently divorced, which is a relatively recent situation - a couple of months, actually. This does not in any way whatsoever represent a problem, as the divorce is something I wanted for quite some time.

There's this friend of mine, back from when I was a student...we were colleagues and always got along great, and she was pretty much always in my "going out" group. Nothing ever happened back then, although I always found her very attractive.

Anyway, in one of those random twists of fate, I've got back in contact with her. Since I'm an insurance salesman, I travel a lot, and I've been working around her city (30 mins. from my city) quite frequently.

As you probably guessed by now, I think I'm growing feelings for her...

So, whenever I was nearby, I invited her for coffee, which she always accepted. Our "coffee breaks" are great, I think. We talk a lot, we laugh a lot, and time seems to fly - and this is mutual. In one of these situations she had a dance class that she ended up missing, because she lost track of time.

In another occasion, I invited her for dinner - she said she couldn't as she had a class that day, but she'd gladly have coffee with me. During coffee, she said in a half-serious, half-joking tone "why do you always drop by when I have classes? you should know by now in which days of the week I have my classes...that way we can't go out for dinner, only for coffee". When we said goodbye that day, she specifically said "whenever I see you again, make sure it's a day we can go out for dinner".

Which I did. I invited her for dinner last week, and I took her to a nice italian restaurant, with a great, somewhat romantic mood - you know, low, soft music, candle lights, etc.
The dinner was great. Again, we talked about a bit of everything, we laughed... She did manage to find a "subtle" way to let me know that she wasn't seeing anyone. Actually, she said this twice. What this means (if it even means anything), I don't know.
She also managed to inform me that getting flowers doesn't really matter to her...again, if this can be perceived as a "tip" or was just normal, regular talk, I can't say.

At the end of the dinner she wanted to split the check, which I refused. She immediately said that we should go out for dinner again - soon. And asked me several times when I'd be back, saying that the next one would be on her.

When we said goodbye that night, she said that I was welcome to come back anytime, except during the next week (which is [i]this[/i] week), as she'll be spending vacations in her hometown. Literally two seconds later she added "unless of course you want to come and visit me there...it's not far and I could show you around".

Maybe it's all in my head and I'm just seeing what I want to see, but I can't help being confused.

Any input would be greatly welcome.
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Spiegelmann
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Joined: 20 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, we went out for dinner again. I must confess, it didn't help me with all the confusion...

I'll try and give as much context and detail as I can, some of which might be relevant and other...not quite. Just have in mind that part of the confusion lies in whether these "coffee breaks" and "going out for dinner" fit in the friend zone or can be classified as dates. Anyway, here goes:

She texted at about 6 p.m. saying she'd be leaving work one hour later and if I'd be ok with having dinner a bit later. Needless to say, I had no problem with that.

When I arrived at the meeting spot she wasn't there yet, so I waited a little. She showed up about 10 minutes later, walking fast and with some obvious signs of being a bit nervous - more of that later.

She suggested an italian restaurant, as she knows that I love italian food.

We went to the restaurant in my car and she gave me the directions - all the time she was trying to make jokes out of pretty much anything, sometimes laughing and giggling with no real apparent reason.

During the small trip, I let her know that I had plans to visit her during her holidays, but work ruined those plans. As soon as I said "you know, I'd thought of dropping by next week..." she interrupted my sentence to quickly throw a "why didn't you, dummy? It was my holidays, I had plenty of free time!". Interesting?

We got to the restaurant, which turned out to have an excellent atmosphere.

Once inside, she took off her coat and...wow. OK, a bit of context: this woman is, and always was, insanely beautiful. Dark, curly hair, light green blue eyes...you get the picture. Doesn't take much to get her to look stunning.
She was wearing a shoulderless, very slightly see-through blouse (have in mind that it's freezing cold in my country right now) which fit her great.
Now, she doesn't use to (and surely doesn't need to) dress that well to go to work, which left me wondering if she could indeed considered the situation as a date.
Also to have in mind, since I went straight from work to meet her as always, I was wearing a suit, so she could just be going for a kind of a balance between us, as far as clothing goes.

Well anyway, whenever I complimented her or said anything that might be considered flirty, she basically laughed nervously and/or lowered her head while still throwing quick glances at me, smiling and blushing and fixing her hair. There was this one time when she nearly choked...

The thing is, I just couldn't get the conversation out of the "small talk" area. You know, that whole "have-you-seen-(insert name of ex university colleague)-and-do-you-remember-crazy-professor x?" kind of thing.

So, it seemed to me that the body language and the "actual" language didn't exactly match, but then again it could all be in my head.

I drove her to her car, and it was raining. A lot. She hastily picked her things from the trunk of my car, kissed me on the cheeks, asked me to let her know when I'd be back in town so we could have dinner again and ran off to her car.

Honestly, I don't know what to make of this, and I sure don't know how to deal with the situation. I feel like a teenager. It doesn't help the fact that in my native language the equivalent to "going out" applies to both dates and friends...

A friend of mine (who knows her back from university, although not extremely well) thinks she might be nervous, and lack self-confidence...

Any opinions, input, etc. would be more than welcome.
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Lisa843
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 4:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

you may be right....it sounds like she is shy or nervous??

Next time be more direct with it....
don't hint around, let her know how you feel. she may just be waiting on you to open that conversation up??

Good luck, please keep us posted. Smile
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