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How do I get past being hurt?

 
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Gypsy
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Joined: 10 Apr 2009
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 7:01 pm    Post subject: How do I get past being hurt? Reply with quote

Recently my significant other of 10 years went on a business related trip to Las vegas. He invited me to come along. A few days before we left he decided he did NOT want me to go, but he didn't want to hurt my feelings, and the tickets were already booked, so he said nothing.

When we got there he was already late for a function that was supposed to last from 6-8. He needed to leave immdeiately, and I wanted to change clothes and look nice for him, so he left me at the hotel, and said he would call me and tell me where to meet him.

When he got to the event with his co-workers (it was a bar "meet & greet" by the way - he works for the restaurant/bar industry) he started drinking & thinking, and decided he really resented me for tagging along on his "work trip". He decided the best way to punish me for wanting to spend time with him was completely ignore me and exclude me from his company for the entire trip. At some point he decided this punishment was not severe enough. The "game" woudld be more fun if he could not only blow me off, but also insure that I had no fun at all while I was there. He did this by repeatedly making sketchy plans with me, telling me he would call me & tell me "where" and then never calling me at all. I guess this worked quite well, as the last night we were there he was very proud of himself. After me waiting for 6 hours, he came back to the room and I said "Thanks for calling!" and he said "You're welcome!"

Once we got home, and he realized how much he hurt me, he fessed up to what had happened & he seems sincerely apologetic. Said he was stupid, immature & selfish, and it would not happen again.

I am really torn up over this. He has NEVER been deliberately cold and cruel to anyone! I have lost almost 30 lbs this last month. I can't eat, I barely sleep, and cry at the drop of a hat. I really want to get past this and move on. I DO believe he is sorry, and I know he cares about me, but I don't know how to get the trust I had in him back and just get over it. I can't stop thinking about his deliberate betrayal and lies over something I had nothing to do with.

Anyone able to give me some advice on forgiving/forgetting & getting back to our old relationship?
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aiman
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

you are disturbed because of what? what he did to you or that you miss him alot?ask this question to yourself first dear....and then to make further decisions and discussions on this topic..that do you really need him?
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Gypsy
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 6:19 pm    Post subject: RE Hurting Reply with quote

Do I NEED him? - NO
Do I still love him - YES
DO I miss him? - THat's hard to do when he is still under the same roof and TRYING to run damage control.
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kiwi
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well it's not easy to get the trust back but you do say that the man has never been like that at all. did you ask why he didn't want you to come in the first place? i mean, look at all sides of the story first before deciding on anything that will hurt both of you.

another thing, it is the first time he's done it to you, why don't you give it another chance? he did say he is sorry, and you have been together for ten years. don't let a minor setback ruin all those years. look into it, and find it in your heart to forgive. there's always something to learn from setbacks after all, it makes every relationship stronger if both of you will choose to learn from it.

i hope things work out for you.
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Gypsy
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 12:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He said the reason he changed his mind about wanting me to go was because he found out nobody else who was going was taking a spouse or significant other, and his boss teased him about it. (The "work" during this 3 day trip added up to 6 hours 15 minutes - the tail of a happy hour, a 2 hour conference and a 3 hour dinner).

Thanks for your thoughts/
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