Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion
Share with us problems and questions regarding love relationship
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

What Happened? Did she get scared?

 
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index -> Love Advice
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
malewerecat
Member
Member


Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:05 pm    Post subject: What Happened? Did she get scared? Reply with quote

Known this girl since we were 4-5, spent most of our lives seperated... i messaged her back around December 17th last year, we started talking all the time long distance, I moved from a former life in WA to FL to try starting a life with her, she lives in GA so I had to go up there, I'm 22/M and she's 21/F, she lives at home and I moved back home temporarily to get up to her.

Anyway we go for about 2 months just talking on the phone all night every night, then finally just a week ago today I go see her in person, which we havn't seen each other in 6 years. We're electrified by the sight of each other, immideatly embracing and kissing each other, I go in to meet her parents, they don't seem to keen on me. i take her back to a relatives house to meet mine, they love her to death. Anyway that night me, her, my cousin and his wife all go out on a double date night to taco bell, the movies then wall-mart (wal-mart was her idea), we had a great time. The following days I decide to stay a week longer with relatives while my parents go back to FL, I tell her and she's excited to death. Problem is I have no car during this time and my grandfather doesn't let anyone use his truck due to insurance. She has to rely on using her grandmothers jeep and we both live a good 20 miles apart or so. Anyway the next few days things go quiet all of a sudden, shes not calling or texting, I call her and ask what's going on, she has to cover for her sisters work shift, i say ok ill come see you, i go to her work and linger around there all night and we sit and talk, she introduces me to her friends. They leave and we're alone until customers come in, I made a few blunders here she didnt like, i walk behind the counter and untie her apron as a prank, which i find out later she didnt appreciate much, i only did it because she kept untying my shoes at the movies. Anyway I go home around 4AM, the next couple days i hear nothing back from her, she said she'd come by and pick me up and we could go do something the next night, nothing happens, i call and she says theres a lot of arguing about "education" between her and her parents, im like ok no biggy, the next day im i convince my grandpa to take us to eat dinner where she works, the whole time my cousins ragging on me not to smother her. i get pissed at him and storm out. She comes out and talks to me and i apologize for playing offensive music and running a couple customers off, she tells me im a little bit smothering and shes a very space needing person. I apologize again and she replies she still loves me and kisses me goodbye, this is the last time i'd see her and probably ever will... The last few days i hear nothing from her at all, i call the next night telling her i was gonna try walking to her house to see her, which she replies "not a good time, its like a war zone here the last few days", i say ok nevermind and turn back. The last night there my cousin told me what she told him in private, that she took ofence to some things i did, this is when i found out about it... i frantically call her and leave 2 messages on her cell phone profusley apologizing for it and asking her why didnt she tell me sooner. i call her one last time and she answers with "ive been meaning to talk to you about this, i feel we rushed into the relationship, both of us, its nothing you did wrong, im just not ready for something this intense yet, i want us to start off as friends and see where it goes from there, I really want to include you in my social circle and hang around with me and my friends, i still love you, i just need a few days space" That's technically a break up, i ask her, what happened to all our plans? she promised we could hang out valentines day, but loe and behold, nothing happened, i called and left her a message and text message reminding her about it subtly, no calls back since then, at this point im feeling petty let down, we had made big plans to save up and move into our own place together, all of a sudden she has to sign up for college and ignore me completly. I feel like it has something to do with her parents not liking the idea, i even suggested she come back to florida with me for a bit and she really liked that idea, but suddenly changed her mind entirley. Was it me? I get back home not hearing from her for almost a week now, her entire myspace page shes removed all mention and photos of me except one quote: "Forget me not lest i forget myself", im still on her top friends list, as well as yahoo and everywhere else, i see her online but im to afraid to message her for fear of intruding on her space. I don't want to in hopes she might come around and call me, but for some reason i doubt ill ever hear from her again, at the same time i get the feeling like shes trying to live life without me compltley like she doesnt want me in it at all.

I don't get it, when we were dating she felt like we weren't rushing, now we are? if she really wants to remain friends as she say

why is she ignoring me completly? is it just a cool down from the relationship? I know she has a lot of trust issues with past relationships, one serious relationship the guy cheated on her twice and got another girl pregnant, and another only let her move in with him for sex, that and her parents went through a real bad divorce when she was 13. I told her theres nothing to be afraid of, i get the feeling like she was scared, and i was too possesive of her and got terrified of losing her, and i did... hence why i left frantic messages, im a clingy type, borderline personality kind of. shes afraid of falling in love for fear of getting hurt, and im afraid to lose a love, i need to feel love. I want her to come around, if i leave her alone long ebough will she? I' tempted to move up there in the town next to hers so we can hang out sometimes if she wants, i cant stand living at home, shes going to college right now and i need to decide what i want to do, ive done no college thus far in my
17 hours ago

maybe she feels im not worth her time or effort, then why would she say she still loves me? Shes listed herself as single everywhere and not looking, ive done the same, just single though.

my mind keps running circles thinking about all of it, maybe it was just to big a commitment for her right now, we were both immature, like high school kids, i want to call her and tell her i still love her and would love to hang around with her as just friends even, neither of us want to break the bond we have, but it feels like shes trying to break it, yet im still on her top friends lists, so she hasnt blocked me (yet).

I've asked everyone for advice, and they've all told me the same thing, "leave her alone and she'll come around." The whole week was bad, my cousins wife got so mad at him she ran out on him, but now they're working things out, a week later she broke up with me and is taking me out of the picture it feels like.

She must not care about me too much, if she missed me as much as i miss her, you'd think she'd call me or something... /shrug, all of her myspace is privatized, her details, online status, last login, everything, when she sees me log on, she logs off, even though i dont say anything to her. I wanna call her and tell her i want her to be happy, even if that means life without me, why is she going so far out of her way to avoid me? All I want are answers, I feel lead on, jerked around then like she just threw me away. I mean the whole time i was there she did nothing but give me mixed messages, kept me in the dark about how she was feeling until i had to pry it out of her, now saying she wants to remain close friends but i dont feel i can belive that, so far her actions say otherwise, I want to just delete her from every trace of my life in retaliation and block all her numbers and messages, but feel if i did, what if she ever DID try to contact me? She hasn't taken any drastic steps to do that to me (yet). We've tried to be just long distance friends before many years ago, but after a while she just started ignoring me like she is now, then we get back together again then seperate.

Why does this keep happening? this is the 3rd time now. We've both always wondered what we could have been missing with each other, we didnt want to keep just wondering what could have been, now it feels like she wants to keep wondering, or doesnt know what she wants. I remember her words: "It feels so right", "i want to spend my life with you", etc. etc. well obviously she doesn't, otherwise why say those things? i dont think shes mad at me for any reason, just scared and confused.

what to do?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
malewerecat
Member
Member


Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well, it's not that she's ignoring me latley, i wouldn't know i havn't tried to talk to her, but i feel like shes trying to hide and avoid me somewhat, but not block me, i dont understand it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
malewerecat
Member
Member


Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 5:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

our last phone conversation was something like this, after about 3 phone calls, last one successful:

me - "Hey, what's going on? I've been driving myself up the wall worrying about you."

her - *sigh* "Acctually, I've been meaning to talk to you about this, I feel like we rushed into the relationship, it's just to intense for me right now, I'm not ready for that, it was much different in person than i expected. I want us to start off as friends and see where it goes from there, I want to include you in my social circle and hang around with me and my friends, I don't want us to ever lose the bond we have to each other, even as friends"

me - "I guess fairy tales dont come true, huh?"

her - "not all of them"

me - "what if we meet someone else?"

her - "who knows, it could be instant chemistry, i feel though we should tell the other if that ever happens, but we are very compatable"

me - "I just came down here travelling 4,000 miles on a bus for you."

her - "I know, i dont want you to feel like it was all for nothing, I don't want you to be mad at me, It's nothing you did wrong i promise, it's just to much for me right now."

me - "You'll always have my heart"

her - "I might call you later tonight, don't be upset if I don't"

her - "I still love you."

me - "bye"

her - "goodbye"

not heard a word back since last week...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
malewerecat
Member
Member


Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

anyone? Sad
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
sophowiets
Member
Member


Joined: 17 Feb 2009
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think she's worried what to do about all of this
Reassure her things will be okay
make her see what you do
x x
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
malewerecat
Member
Member


Joined: 18 Feb 2009
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

she keeps telling me she wants to be friends, then why does she not even try to act like one? allow me to elaborate:

it feels like she is just trying to avoid/ignore me for a while, i haven't heard from her since the 12th of last month. Well i did catch her online last Friday and chatted to her for about 15 minutes before she politely excused herself and had to go, i didn't bring up any of the past, she did and clarified again she just wanted to be a true friend to me, and i to her. i told her i have no problem with that, i quote you her exact words...

"I want to be the best friend to you I can be.
But only your friend."

"I've needed a good friend for a long time.
And so have you."

*hug*

"And that is what we should be."

"And we shouldn't have pulled all of these romantic antics into a perfectly good friendship.
And that is both of our faults."

"Because we can grow together"

"I know.
I need to talk to you later"

sounds promising, she knows i live at home a state away for the time being, me and family go visit other family there quite often and i always went to see her while i was there, and i made plans to move there when we were romantically involved, she asked me if i was still going to move there on friday and i said yes, now that makes me wonder if its just so she can prepare to move as far away as possible before i get there...

trouble is since our break up, she hardly talks to me anymore, she never replies to my e-mails, except one e-mail back apologizing for hurting me, answers her phone, except when i catch her online and i say something, she doesn't log directly off if she sees me on, she doesn't say anything to me, she'll talk, but not for to long. and all i ever say is "hi, how you doing?" never mentioning the past romance, i don't call her every day, just every once in a great while. its not even been a month yet since the break up.

I feel like she doesn't trust me anymore, she no longer confides in me as she used to when we were in love, she wont talk to me for very long, but at the same time exclaims she "needs" to talk to me, i feel like she is afraid to talk to me for some reason or what have you, it's not that she's ignoring me completely, just being very distant, like trying to tone it down reeeaaaal far from heavy romance, to casual friends, we both agreed it would take some getting used to not seeing each other as often or in that way anymore. But her choice of words here... "NEEDS" me to be there for her, in support like i always have been of her in all our time being romantic.

I guess she's trying to tone it down as much as possible? We used to talk all the time about everything, even when i couldn't go see her and shed tell me everything personal, all our deepest, darkest secrets we'd share, if some bad personal dillema was going on she'd spill her guts to me like noone else, now she won't, did i break her trust somehow?

thoughts? just keep my distance for now? Really weird to me...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Love, Romance & Relationship Discussion Forum Index -> Love Advice All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

HomePage | Love Articles | Dating Services | Love Calculator | Feng Shui Modern Living | Art of Feng Shui


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group