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Lie that was not worth it

 
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Tirai
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Joined: 12 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:07 pm    Post subject: Lie that was not worth it Reply with quote

We met some 2 years ago.

2 months ago I found pictures of him holding another woman. Also he asked me to send some e-mails from his account and I saw these ongoing messages sent and received from a woman. I had seen that address being very active on his sent folder few months earlier when he was showing something at his e-mail to me. So, I started asking what's going on.
He blew up on me. I stood back, listened and saw that this soup is burning hot.

I just wonder if he really thought that would be the way to put this aside. Well, no blame for trying ofcourse.
So we started talking, yelling, fighting, writing letters, what ever.
Good part about it was that we both gave it a fight, instead of dropping us right there on the spot with all the open questions.

I had told him earlier that if he gets involved with someone, I accept it, but I asked him to let me know. May sound weard, but since we are adults we are entitled doing our own choises. If he chooses being with someone else instead of me, i respect that and expect that from him too. But I dont accept being lied to.

So, slowly he started opening about it. First a very easily digestive story. Then a bit more, and again a bit more.
He is getting pretty close with his story now, but he makes "mistakes" on timing and level of the relationship.

At this part i wonder my own reactions. I was burning till i found out the truth. Now I'm sitting back, encouraging and every now and then pushing him to come open with it. Not that it would bring the emotions back to me, maybe it would be liberating to him if he finally had the guts to tell the truth. And I would love to see that happen.

Now that knowing has calmed and eased me, we have had very exceptionally good moments and experiences in life. He is special, this occassion doesn't change that. He is way more than a guy who thought he can play me and get away with it.
He lost my love, telling the truth in the first place could have given it a chance. Was the lie really worth it? Definately not.

Now that my feelings have cooled, he has started building seriously on us. It's even scaring because he is making himself very vulnerable.

Now I wonder if i should tell him that I know and put it in words what he already knows, that my feelings have changed. And then see if we wanna / are capable seeing and having good times without commitments.

I really would appreciate your views over this. Sometimes being in the middle makes it difficult to see clearly.

Sorry for it being so long story.
sincerely
Tirai


Last edited by Tirai on Thu Jun 28, 2007 5:45 am; edited 1 time in total
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Am I reading this wrong? You don't care if he cheats on you? Oh, baby, don't lower yourself like that. You and only you should be love honored and respected by the man in your life.
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~Angel~
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tirai, you are a far better person than I am for at least telling him that if he wanted to be w/someone else to be honest w/you. You are also a far better person that I am for still being w/him even though it seems your feelings have changed towards him. For ME, once I found out he was cheating, I would have dropped him like a hot rock. I will not tolerate cheating!!!

So, I guess you have my answer, I would for sure tell him of your feelings, or lack of feelings towards him & your relationship w/him.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Tirai,

from what I understand you are not living together.

I understand you completely and agree on the fact that knowing the truth will ahve save your relationship and that by lying to you, he has blown it out.

I see it exactly as you do.
He should ahve informed oyu about it, and specially after you had found out anyway. Blaming you to have discovered it was way out of line..but quiet typical from some jerks...

You say he is still withholding stuff, you know already since long, and you are awaiting for him to come with it on hie own and encouraging him to do so.
I think telling him straight out will be a good idea. Nor reason to hold on a guy you are not feeling love to, and depriving you from meeting a much better one who will not go flirting in your back.
having it all in his computer and even not hidding it much show what a jerk he was, and how sure he was you wont unveil him, certainly because he knew he could count on you and trust you, 2 things he deprived you from..
Tell him what you know, since when, and let him vent out, and then tell him it is out between the 2 of you and that you dont love him anymore not for cheating on you, but for not telling you about it, and for refraining so much and for so long from telling you the truth even after it was finish between him and that other woman.

I feel exactly the same way: cheating is one thing, but lying about it is much worse. You can fall for somone like that, make a mistake, but lying crave planing and calculating and being dishonnest, and disrespectfull to you, meaning breaking the trust of the relationship and hte mutual respect in it, and a special bond who makes love possible.

he choose his fling for what you 2 had, by lying. If he couldnt see it, then gone with him, thats a thing he has to learn to understand.
Thats not the physical part that count, but the deeper more subtile bonds of confidence and trust and love who counts first, and for it to can exist, truth must be the priority.
No matter what he owns you to be truthfull.
So yes, tell him how it is, and drop him dead on the floor!
He isnt worth love, being loved and cant love, until he has understood that.
(and he seems to be one of those who have it hard to get it rigth! even in the midst of it, on his face, and burning his eyes blind!)

You are very good in your way to ahve handle it!
Congratulation!
You did all the rigth things to do, and gave him all the chances he could get and dream of.
He just is too blind to can even sense it!
Drop him like its hot, babe! Laughing

You are a hero! XOXO Wink Cool
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Tirai
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 8:53 pm    Post subject: like a hot rock :)) Reply with quote

Hi

Thank you for your kind and encouraging thoughts and words.
It mattered to me.

I do care if my man has something going on besides me. But coming open/hiding is a big factor on consequences. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others, and some even keep repeating theirs..

We both have our own apartments, and his work takes him abroad for few months yearly. This is the time of year we travel back and forth, so I have to wait yet a little while till I get to see him. This has to be done face to face. Suppose this time we have to pick a city neither one wants to go back anymore anyway Rolling Eyes

You are right, there is no point to either of us being held on a situation like this.

Every time it happens, being at the right place at right time, meeting someone who's personality talks to us on special way -we are given a huge opportunity in this life. It is sad to let it fall on something like that, what a waste.

Wish you guys all the best in this life, and thank you again!

Tirai
hero my ass Laughing
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All the best to you too !
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 2:10 pm    Post subject: Re: like a hot rock :)) Reply with quote

[quote:57ce02a69a="Tirai"]Hi

Thank you for your kind and encouraging thoughts and words.
It mattered to me.

I do care if my man has something going on besides me. But coming open/hiding is a big factor on consequences. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others, and some even keep repeating theirs..

We both have our own apartments, and his work takes him abroad for few months yearly. This is the time of year we travel back and forth, so I have to wait yet a little while till I get to see him. This has to be done face to face. Suppose this time we have to pick a city neither one wants to go back anymore anyway Rolling Eyes

You are right, there is no point to either of us being held on a situation like this.

Every time it happens, being at the right place at right time, meeting someone who's personality talks to us on special way -we are given a huge opportunity in this life. It is sad to let it fall on something like that, what a waste.

Wish you guys all the best in this life, and thank you again!

Tirai
hero my ass Laughing[/quote:57ce02a69a]

All the best to you Tirai, you are on the right track hun! Smile
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