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Dating complication

 
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citycabs
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 1:32 am    Post subject: Dating complication Reply with quote

I meet this girl at end of year from hanging out with a group of friends,. My cousin try to set me up with this girl.
Anyway, after hang out together, I ask my cousin if I could have her number and ask her out. And she (the girl I met) said YES. So we went out the first time, it was quite awkard for me becasue I am a shy person and so did she.
We meet out at the mall, have quick meal and watch a movie together, I paid for everything becasue it is just me. I like to paid not becasue I want to buy her affection. However, she told me that she felt bad by letting me paid for everything so I asked her to buy me popcorn for the movie instead. So she did.
Then when I drop her off, she let me borrow one of her movie. So not until the next two week I asked her if she would like to meet up again, and she said yes.
I took her to dinner which she insist on paying but I said no, I take care of it. Then after we went to have a cup of coffee. At the coffe shop we are more open to each other a little bit more. we talk about movie again and she told me that she will let me borrow another movie when we get back to her place. At the end of the night I drop her off return the previous movie and give her a rose by surprise.
SHe accepted the rose return and come back out with another movie with some snack and drink for me on the way home. She told me that she really like the rose and I asked her if she has a good time she said yes with a beautiful smile.
And I asked her out again this weekend, but so far she has not reply yet. At first I told her that I will take her to my town and show her around but after give it a second thought, we just get to know each other so I don't want to be so rush.(She just get off from a bad relationship)

Question. Will she feel offended if I keep on isisting paying each time we go out? Should I let her pay? (It is not in my nature to let any girl paying for her meal when ever we going out one on one)
Am I coming up too strong? I think I like her alot, but don't want to ruin the chance I have with her what should I do?
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 6:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

We shall see if she accepts your date this weekend? If she did, I would say you certainly stand a good chance. Regular dates and meeting up with one another always mark the beginning of a new love relationship.

I believe she did accepted your date? Likewise, I believe you will be making sure that you be arranging for another date with her right?

I don't see any problem in letting pay her at times, but not always of course. It might be good that you guys took turns to pay, perhaps like you paying for the dinner and movie while she pay for the coffee... it does signify some mutual respect. You be of course be paying for most as gentleman.

Do nevertheless give her some time too, be patient. Afterall, you were saying that she just get off from a bad relationship? Don't scare her off...

Well, hope you have a enjoyable date. Tell me she did accepted it... Wink
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citycabs
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 10:03 pm    Post subject: No luck Reply with quote

She called me on Sunday, and leave me a message that she felt tired since she has to worked on sunday and following monday and see me next time. So could not make it for the date...I felt sad but yet content.

I did not call her back, because I guess she being very clear about the fact that she is tired. Am I doing the right thing for not callng her back? And why did she call me on the day we suppose to meet up but not a day before. I emailed her on wednesday and she called me on sunday to tell me she can't make it? What's going on here?

I understand is kinda stupid questions, but I have a very strong feeling about this girl that I don't want to do anything that ruin our chance of getting together in the long run.

By the way I planned to sent her a personal make valentine card using powerpoint and send to her on Valentine day and as well as text msg her on her cell. Or should I just call her and say happy valentine? which would be the best or Would that be too much? I wish I could see her in person but distance and work do get in our way.(this is not an excuse for me if coming on too strong is not a factor Smile )

what should I do? I don't want to rush her. But I guess she also know that I liked her becasue I keep on making plan to see her. Should I relax and sit back and wait for her to make plan the next time?

By the way I still have her movies...and I do have some of the movie that she want to watch. so many question...


Please help. Thanks for the reply
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whiterose
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2006 3:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hiya!

I think the reason she didn't contact you till Sunday is maybe because she really IS tired and busy. I mean, if she said she wants to go out the next time, that a great sign!
As for Valentines, I think it would be nice with the powerpoint thing AND calling her. You've been on...what? 2 or 3 dates? I think that would be a nice gesture.
And don't forget, distance makes the heart grow fonder...=) You don't seem to be rushing her.It seems you're going at a good pace...
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, you must had felt really disappointed.

We can't really tell much from now anyway. Perhaps she is really tired since she had to work on Sunday. We just have to see whether the next time does come... I believe it will. Whatever the case may be, I know you won't be just giving up right, citycabs? You will make the next time happen, won't you?

N as what whiterose had said, you doesn't seem to be rushing her at all.. that's good. But nevertheless, I wouldn't exactly just leave it for her to plan the next time. Perhaps we can wait a while but if she really didn't respond then you have to take the inititiative. You still got your excuses since her movies are still with you. Wink

Anyway, I believe you did sent your valentine's day wishes for her? So did you actually called her? Any response you got from her?

I guess thing should work out fine... do keep us update of any good news,
citycabs.
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citycabs
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 5:50 pm    Post subject: Am I doing the right thing? Reply with quote

Thanks for the replies. It sure help me alot. But here is the detail.
I did not call her nor send her anything on Valentine day. Why? I don't really know how to explain. I htink if I should keep a friendship profile as of now.
But would not you think it take two to tango. I think she would like to see me again, but if I am the one that keep on doing all the planning, I feel like that this is a one way train.
I have not talk to her yet since Sunday, my reason for that was...she been busy with her moving to her new place sometime in March(she bought a condo) looking for another job, working all weekend just to keep up with her bill and try to keep her life align from all the bad experience in relationship. I really admire her and want to be her friend whom she can turn into. Beside I am in the porgress of buying my own place..so There alot thing that I have to take care of on my own side.
But I just keep on think do I do the right thing? If I do this what would she think of me...all these kind of question..Beside her birthday is coming up..and I don't even know when.
I really missed her and want to see her more often, talk to her more. But knowing all these problem she going through I don't want to put too much pressure on her.
This Sunday I will be taking her God's daughter(My cousin daughter) out for family day at my work place and drop her off at workplace after to my cousin and I will also be seeing her at work. I was thinking instead of calling her I just go there and ask her out after work for a cup of coffee....Any suggestion....Please help....
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 3:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm... you know what? You are right, citycabs.

It indeed does takes two hands to clap. It can't always be you doing all the planning.. Things would certainly be perfect if she initiate the next date. You never know... perhaps she might just be missing you now, waiting for your call. But nonetheless if nothing happen, you have to be the one to take some initiative then.

And to think about it now, you might be doing just the right thing by not sending her anything during Valentine's Day. It would definitely pressured her in some ways... Give both yourself and her some time and a chance. I believe everything will turn out well and likewise, I believe she does want to be seeing you too...

From what you said, she must be certainly busy and tired with all the moving, works and bills. Hmm.... I would say that a little nice coffee after work will be a great idea. She does need to have some break too.... Go for it! Just be casual about it nothing will goes wrong..

Well, you were saying that it takes two to tango? If she does accepts your date, she is being "proactive" in her way too... Well we can't really say who should be the one doing the planning but one thing for sure, someone has to do it. We just to play along way... Wink

Last but not least, find out her birthday!
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citycabs
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 9:49 am    Post subject: What to do Reply with quote

Well here my story again...But I would like people help me with some input...If you really like someone, and you just get to know them. You feel there is a chance thing might work out. What would you do when the person you like tell you that they want to be friend and not looking into any relationship at all? Do you keep on making plan asking them out jsut to be friend with her/him? How long do you wait before making the next move? How often do you talk to this person? What kind of ground rule do you have to set when dealing with this kind of situtation?
I am sure we all have been into this kind of situation one or two...so feel free to give your 2 cents...thanks
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 2:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, you have to ask yourself citycabs. Do you really like her? Do you want to just give up right now? I don't suppose you wanna be giving up just yet isn't it? Great!

Now back to the story... it is always hard to tell what a girl is truly thinking. But nevertheless, the chances is still there. It is certainly not the time to be giving up just yet. It could be that she is feeling uncertain and not ready for any relationship yet. In fact as you had said it, this is something which happen all the times...

Perhaps I should better be asking, on what occassion was it that she told you that she just wanna be friends? That could maybe give us a better clue. I hope she is not avoiding you in anyway?

Well the tactics I would suggest is to play along with the game. She wanna be friends? Then friends we shall be. But never ever just play cool.. girls don't like guys who are not determined and of no patience at all.

Secure this friendship first. The story definitely has its pontential for further development. I have seen many of such examples of where the friendship actually develop into a love relationship.

I suppose you can be a nice, kind and helpful friend? Perhaps offering your assitance in helping her with her moving of her house? Many at times, true love is actually found from within friendship where the both little by little realise the beauty of one another, gradually falling in love with each other...

Believe me, as long as you got the chance to get near to her, anything could happen. Give both yourself and her a chance and some time...
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citycabs
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 8:47 pm    Post subject: I am so lost Reply with quote

To answer your question, she said, she is not looking into any relationship right from the start. I do understand that, therefore it make it hard for me try to be who I am but yet not too show too much attraction toward her. I REALLY like her alot and want to persue her if I have to wait from now till the day she is ready. But being a scorpio myself..I am very passionate about the one I care for...it's in my nature
Well here is another scope of the story...I called and leave a msg for her on sunday asking if she would like to join me for a cup of coffee after work, found out that she has a cold and sinus infection from my cousin(becasue she work with my cousin), so I called her again and leave her a msg tell her if she need a ride home since I am still in town. Anyway she called me right back and tell me she was about to take the subway home with her friend. but I still offer to give a ride home and it's up to her. She decided to ride home with me instead.
Anyway, she is really sick and barely talk. So while driving home I experience the silent moment.. I asked her a question..yes or no or very short response from her...I feel a little awkard becasue I can't stand silent(not her fault)..just me..getting impatience I guess...I enjoy silent but not when I am with someone who I want to know more about them.
I brought her a movie that she mention she would like to watch, then found out her bday...which is Monday...Smile
I aslo asked her if she feel awkard when both of us being so quiet she said NO just she does not feel like talking. So I leave it as that.
Anyway, that night I sent her a bday ecard wish she get well soon, tell her that I really have a great time when I am with her and would like to share that good time with her. And on monday I give her a call and leave her a message saying happy bday.
Anyway, I got an email from her today and here is what she said...She thank you for everything I did for her and would like me to know that she acknowledge them, the reason why she did not called me back or talk to me on sunday was becasue she just does not feel like talking... Did I offended her on sunday by askign her that question? Please fill me in ...Thanks
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citycabs
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 8:49 pm    Post subject: Re: Dating complication Reply with quote

thanks for your input scorpio
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I would say that that is a not a very wise question to be asking her. It certainly will make the both of you feel akward and in some way pressured her too... remember she only wanted to be friends for now, don't give her too much of a pressure. Do avoid asking her such sensitive question in future...

Nonetheless, I guess she is really feeling tired too. Sinus infection? I know that the best. Believe me, the only thing one would enjoy best during a terrible sinus attack would be to SLEEP.

From what I see, at the very least she is not avoiding you and she does accept that ride offer from you. That is not too bad for a start. Hope you managed to touch her with your kind offer.

keep going, citycabs. But remember don't give much pressure to both yourself and her..

And hey passionate scorpio, I understand how you feel... Well, I suppose patience is one of the traits of a scorpio too? Give her a little more time. I believe she will come to discover the beauty of you one day... Wink
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citycabs
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 9:28 am    Post subject: Pull back Reply with quote

HI again, I sense that she has no interest in getting to know more about me or open herself up a little more during our course of conversation. So I send her an email telling her that I undersatnd she does not want to talk...so if she want a friend to hang out or go for cup of coffee feel free to call me...and I just leave is at that.
I feel that I am pressuring her because of all my good intention.
I hope I am doing the right thing, by giving her back her own space, and leave the ball on her court to see how she would react to it.
I want to keep in trying but at this point I am very lost and don;t know what I should do or not do.....sighhhhhh..
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 2:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know how you feel citycabs. It certainly feel terrible to be loving someone and yet things just... But well, that's life. When you love someone, it doesn't necessarily mean he or she will like you too.

Nonetheless, you can't expect someone to just suddenly fall in love with you and which is why I suggested to start off as friends first. Hopefully as friends, she will gradually discover the beauty of you and feel something for you...

Perhaps giving her a little space for now would be good. Well, girls can sometimes behave just the opposite. They might find a guy disturbing when the guy keep "bugging" her but when the guy just suddenly disappear, she begin to miss him Hope it applies for her too and that she will be getting back to you..

But too long a time without talking wouldn't be good too. It will make the both of you just more and more distant. Let's just see how she will actually react...

I know you have decided to cool things down a bit. But on your part, do just still be friendly and of course if she need any help, don't hesistate to help her yeah?
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