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is it okay to sleep with your best friend?
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr. Green


yes dear.. thats what I ment.. you had it all in you from the start.. when we ask questions, its because we know the answers.. we just dont dare ask ourselves them, we prefer the others to take the risks and better confirm us in our assumptions, so ┤nothing change too much and all can stay the same.. often worse situations are better than "The Unknown"! BRRRR!!
So fox stay in worse case scenarios for years even they dont want because the alternative is the unknown, and they like their bad habits and bad relations who they have grown used to, and at least know what to expect, and mostly what to dont expect! wjhcih make them miserables! and knowing the real answers inside them wil have to face them with the fact that they are doing the wrong things at staying like that, and must change and dont do it for the perfectly wrong illogical reasons, which can be disturbing when we are so grown up mature and sensible people..huh?
so lets hide under that madrasses.
all the things we dream to do and all the people we dream to know
So saturday night go'n to be fever for you two? hmm? I would like to know the end of the story, can we expect an invitation for the ceremony? I ment the marriage, not the saturday night thing..
And just for the record, thanks fro repeating what i told you above.. but you are livin as a couple, sex or not sex.. make him cut from all the gazelles relationship, he is as depending on you as you are on him, or he wont be on two horeses like htat..in fact he only have them to proove that you and him, "thats just friendship as usual" should know better!
You can also make it sacarstic when he arrives..
liek repeating oh yes its just friendship, and when smal kisses arrive spit out your tongue 3 miles long, and say like blushing, ohoh! no, its just friendship i just forgot! and like that all the way.. provocate him as hell!
also when he touches oyu or you directly put your hand certain strategic places and his on your chest or leg and sayOh no, but its just friendship, make it silly, make it grotesque, because it is that way for a fact!
Make it real!
Have the courage, both of you to laugh at yourself, and this one time, instead of running away, instead of fearing, prepare it! all from candle lights to preservative! Yeah! all in place, break the feet of the couch so that one will be excluded, do crazy stuff, and have it for a go!
Laugh about it together, laughter can cure.
they said.
It made be mad, but ╩, who said you had to listen to every happy go lucky running down those forums, huh?!


Have a nice warm , sensual, and very sexy weekend, Gee! I cant wait for it so much I am involved! Laughing
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ha ha ha! Laughing

I like the idea you are going with.....although i am a shy person with self esteem issues Laughing doh! I wish it was that easy for me to be that bold.......how do i get boldness? i used to have it...i lost that a long time ago.

On friday we are going dancing at my favorite club with a bunch of friends to celebrate my birthday but theres a 95% chance that i will spend the night at his house because I don't live downtown and he does and i pretty much live there on the weekends anyway....only problem is that his loft is a studio (one room) so if anyone else crashes at his place theres no way anything is going to happen Wink and i can't predict who is going to get too drunk to drive home. BUT!!!!!!!! if i can get two OTHER people to sleep on the couches then that will mean that i will have to sleep in his bed.

ah ah ahhhhh

and sure you can come to the wedding. its funny cause we already have a whole guest list of people who have said that. lol



I'll say all this but honestly unless a miracle happens i most likely will pussy out and pass out before anything can even happen cause that's what i've been doing lately and i have an addictive personality. lol
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 7:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok i just went back and read all the posts.

i was at work so i wasn't totally concentrating. Embarassed

I think that when i met him i got a pre-conceived notion that he was a player because he is so freaking charming it is obvious that women like him a lot just at first glance, and i was afraid that he was only out to play me. And the one thing that I DIDNT ever want was to be played by him and get my heart broken so i was careful of not getting hurt this entire time by not making love to him. but now that i look back at it all he is playing me and he is doing it because i let him. so everything that i don't want is exactly what i am letting happen.

i know if i really wanted i could have him. but i only want him if he is in love with me? that's so weird to say but its true. Rolling Eyes i guess because he is my best friend and i think he should know wether he is in love with me or not and if he's not then he serisouly has got to stop his shananigans.

its finally making sense to me. finally. jesus christ that took a long time.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Miracles do happen and there is no reasons why it shouldnt be the case here.. so make a deal with friends from before.. after all it is your birthday.. Wink and arrange to be alone to can discuss things with him, the entire weekend.

I think you have the bold to do so, and also could involve some of your friends to do the same, like saying some mishaps and then "oh, sorry, we forgot you 2 are "just friends"!.
As for your dilema, you both love each others, there is no doubt about that, and he is as afraid as you are of being hurt, thats why he keep several girls at hand, it makes him feel secure to know he can conquest many women, but inside he fears rejection as much as you do.
Being a casanova doesnt mean you dont have been heartbroken before, and that your selfestime is 100% high. It is often the contrary.
I am happy for you that things makes much more sens now, and you have to present it that way to him too, so him too can get some distance from it and can evaluate it clearly.
No doubt you both will have a world of good at talking things over, and get clearer about what you are doing exactly and what you both want with your relation and in life.
Suggest living together, and making love shold be your birthday present to both of you.
Making love is not central, usually it shouldnt be, but in that case it seems that you have both used it as an excuse to dont face the reality of your situation and of your relationship, as a psychological barrier, as a limit over which none of you could deny what you really feel for each other and what you are in fact doing all along.
I think tht if you break that psychological limit by doing it physically, it will help to speed up the process both emotionaly and psychologicaly for both of you to go on another level and acknowledge the reality of you as a couple and as being in love with one another.
It will unveil yourself to yourself.
And it is a very natural way to do so, better than a million words.
I think htat after having make love together, things will slowly open up for both of you. You shouldnt fear the consequences of this act, as you are already living, both, the consequences of another act: the one consisting in denying the real extend of your relationship and its implications.
No matter what you choose in life it has implications and consequences and you must remember that it is always best to be truthfull and honnest with oneself and with eachothers.
Being honnest will free you. Both.
If you hope for a miracle, this miracle will happen if you are true to one another. you cannot have a miracle occuring in a lie.
I am sure that you can do that, and much more easily than you think.
And as we talk in here, who says that he is not doing the same homework than the one you do here, but somewhere else? Maybe on another love forum, or talking with some friends, or all on his own?...
He probably is dear, and you might be both in to a big surprise this weekend..
Fear not, take it as a passage, once you got over that bridge, you will come over stronger and more able to choose upon your life with him.
You already have made all the ground work for a relationship and being intimate is already part of your life since long, since you sleep toether and do many personal things together. Being intimate is not only the sexual medical act.. it involves lots o forplay and small everyday things..like wakuping together in the morning, taking breakfeast together, ahving a bedtime story, and cuddling for hours..
You both had the longest forplay ever!
Thats good!
But it isnt ment to hurt nor to be forced in length. Do as youboth want to, do not feel obliged to, do not do it if you are afraid, but let it happen naturally without pushing it nor blocking it, and i am sure it will happen.
Dont be afraid of taking initiatives too, as you both are humans and both have you insecurity in regard to what the other want and dont want, but dont think too much either. Let your intuition guide you and your knowledge of each others.
If he wants it you will know it and will have known it for long long ago.. you just are in the process now of acknoledging soem very obvious signs instead of denying them out of fear for rejection.
He can be quicker or slower than you at reaching the same level of understanding than you have, but all in all you will both reach your goal together.
You have all chance to succeed, remember that soemtimes we are our worse saboteurs! and also that any negativ signs is not the definitiv ultimate answer for everything for ever, but rather a reaction on the spot.. so dont let you be defeated by one negativ outlet, just keep on, take it as an ongoing process rather than a football match which last penalty is about to be made...as you seems to think about your first sexual relation..
Each step is a step closer to what you both want, step back are part of it, and insure growth and hability to can come further together.
It will happen. Relationship moves organically, and never as yes or no logical system. Its not a nan-gate either.
Let it unfold instead of keeping it somewhere. All you need you have and can be happy of, and all you dont have you dont need, yet.
That can be a very good thing to remember at time. And some other time, it is even better to remember that what you wish you had you can get, with a little more optimisme and some faith in deserving the best in life.
Thats a bit early in your life to acknowledge that principle, but if you can make it real now, you will never regret it and it will propulse you all through life.
Some ahve to wait a long long time before realising it, some see it when it is very late, and other see it in late.. but it is never too late to make it real. In your case, I think that the central issue has been your age and the necessity for both of you to mature before commiting.
Some people commit before then, and divorce when they are maturing, at the beginning or middle or soemtimes even the end of a maturing process because they grow appart or because they cannot grow being together.
Other grow faster and stronger and beautifuller by being together and thats the relationships who last for ever. The are very lovly and lovely and dramatic and special, but they stand the test of time, and i think that yours is one of them.

Dont envy people who just get married thinking they knew each others wwhen known of them was mature enought, nor had really grown yet, and who stick together even for the worse results and end up being in great misery where the one part get all what it wants while the other get all the works done and have no happyness in life...
Some even stick together, long log after any of them could say being happy, and maybe for material or status reasons or religious or principles reasons do not split to end the nightmare.
So your case is not THE nutcase in the world, but rather a good exemple of how to begin life as a couple ina slippery and mad way, being between 2 waters for very long, and ending joining those 2 waters for the best choice ever and who will alst stront for a lifetime.
Friendship and love together is winner!

I think you made some real giant progress in a very short time. And thats a miracle too.
So, see? miracles do happen! and now get him to experience that kind of awakening miracle too, and it should be in the house... Wink

Good luk and my sincere best wishes to both of you! Very Happy
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:15971fc6b4="nluvwmybestfrnd"]aww you are so nice!

thanks



however...we don't kiss...make out kiss. he just kisses me quick little kisses every once in awhile and i don't kiss him myself only if he kisses me. and that was first time we actually slept together like that. we have spent the night tons of times but i usually sleep on the couch by myself. we actually slept together on the couch to be close to eachother and just hold eachother. we were wrapped up like pretzels...2 people sleeping on one couch is a bit much. I also think it might have been different though if we were in a bed and not a couch. ha ha

so yes you are totally right about us having everything a couple has but there isn't intimacy anything beyond PG13 for us...but we are going to break any night now i just know it and i guess i am afraid that he will regret it.

and yeah i don't think therapy is for us Wink it would be different though if we were actually doing things and not just sleeping.[/quote:15971fc6b4]

AW Crying or Very sad I hope things get better for you.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:49abf5a27e="nluvwmybestfrnd"]ok i just went back and read all the posts.

i was at work so i wasn't totally concentrating. Embarassed

I think that when i met him i got a pre-conceived notion that he was a player because he is so freaking charming it is obvious that women like him a lot just at first glance, and i was afraid that he was only out to play me. And the one thing that I DIDNT ever want was to be played by him and get my heart broken so i was careful of not getting hurt this entire time by not making love to him. but now that i look back at it all he is playing me and he is doing it because i let him. so everything that i don't want is exactly what i am letting happen.

i know if i really wanted i could have him. but i only want him if he is in love with me? that's so weird to say but its true. Rolling Eyes i guess because he is my best friend and i think he should know wether he is in love with me or not and if he's not then he serisouly has got to stop his shananigans.

its finally making sense to me. finally. jesus christ that took a long time.[/quote:49abf5a27e] Stay strong ! Very Happy
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:0ab01364d7="nluvwmybestfrnd"]ok i just went back and read all the posts.

i was at work so i wasn't totally concentrating. Embarassed

I think that when i met him i got a pre-conceived notion that he was a player because he is so freaking charming it is obvious that women like him a lot just at first glance, and i was afraid that he was only out to play me. And the one thing that I DIDNT ever want was to be played by him and get my heart broken so i was careful of not getting hurt this entire time by not making love to him. but now that i look back at it all he is playing me and he is doing it because i let him. so everything that i don't want is exactly what i am letting happen.

i know if i really wanted i could have him. but i only want him if he is in love with me? that's so weird to say but its true. Rolling Eyes i guess because he is my best friend and i think he should know wether he is in love with me or not and if he's not then he serisouly has got to stop his shananigans.

its finally making sense to me. finally. jesus christ that took a long time.[/quote:0ab01364d7]

Sounds like you have been doing some thinking huh? So, where do you go from what you posted above?
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

so i came out to a mutual friend of ours today who is a guy who happens to have a crush on me...whoops. but we are good friends and he's really easy to talk to and we were alone at lunch today so i asked him if he had ever slept with a girl that he didn't have feelings for. he sad he had slept with girl (friends) before and didn't have sex but that he did have feelings for each one of them but he also said that there was no cuddling involved. then he said let me guess...you and X slept together saturday night after i left???? and i am horrible at lying. he knew it.

then he said let me guess....you feel like he is leading you on???

and i said well....yeah. and its gone on for 2 years and i've talked to him about it and he said he can't help it and doesn't realize he's doing it.

and then he said well.....knowing X...i wouldn't read too much into it...i don't think he's in any place to be in a relationship and i know how it is to be dating a girl with a kid. Sad and i said yeah i think thats why we haven't gone all the way because I do want it all and i don't think he could handle it and friend said yeah. and then we had to leave.


...................


how am i feeling today?


well, good and bad. like my friend said it's like you do it because you want it and you enjoy it sooo much but then after it happens its like a bad hangover which is soooooooo true.

i kinda know deep down that he couldn't handle a serious relationship. i have known that all along. another reason why i run because i know that i do want a relationship.

i don't know what is going to happen honestly.

i still need to read oceans last reply....haven't got a chance yet.
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 9:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:e24980512c]I think that the central issue has been your age and the necessity for both of you to mature before commiting.
Some people commit before then, and divorce when they are maturing, at the beginning or middle or soemtimes even the end of a maturing process because they grow appart or because they cannot grow being together.
Other grow faster and stronger and beautifuller by being together and thats the relationships who last for ever. The are very lovly and lovely and dramatic and special, but they stand the test of time, and i think that yours is one of them. [/quote:e24980512c]

Yes I agree with that fully.

I think we knew that from the very beginning and that was kind of my little plan all along. Another thing I didn't say is that we became sooooo close in the first place because we were both in relationships with our ex's and they were the same relationship for the most part. my ex and i would have sex all the time and we were broken up...(hense i have a 6 year old son now) and that went on for years. He was sleeping with his ex too though he didn't have feelings for her and i think a lot of it was because I was sleeping with my ex. everytime i'd see him and tell "X" the next night he'd go sleep with his ex.

weird i know.

but we are over them now, we got eachother through it and stopped that craziness a long time ago. he was doing the same thing my ex was doing to me and i knew exactly how his ex felt. we were very very open about all of it and how we viewed relationships and how they should be and that my friends was how he and i became so close. We learned right away in the first 3 months of talking everyday exactly how eachother think and feel and act when in a relationship and how we feel about love.

So.....it took awhile for us to get over all of that and we both stopped it with our exs about the same time.

then after that...he slept with my best girl friend on a drunken night so i got him back and slept with his best guy friend. Smile

ha!

that didn't last long and i don't even want to go there about that whole story. they both knew that we were in love with eachother....it was very very akward.

SO....in that case i have to say that yes.....we were VERY immature.

and we probably still are. And honestly.......if we had actually made love way back then i bet you all a million dollars we would not be where we are today with this amazing relationship and love for eachother.

but i also have to say that because of all that happening to us....i think we have matured tremendously we got all of that out of our system and have been able to grow up and we are not at all like that anymore.


Last edited by nluvwmybestfrnd on Tue Feb 27, 2007 9:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 9:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i also feel like this is a never ending battle. and i am sooooo incredibly scared that someone else will swoop him up in the meantime until hes ready and then all of this everything that i have been through and waited for for years will just be shot and will never lead anywhere Crying or Very sad

but maybe thats why he doesn't get attached to any of the other girls.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Things happen for a reason. If you were meant to be with this guy, then you will be. I would go on with life and don't make yourself sick over it. What good will that do? It won't change anything.
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 10:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

errrrrr iknow Rolling Eyes i don't know why i do this to myself, i must like it....keeps me on my toes I guess.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:0864260fb0="nluvwmybestfrnd"]errrrrr iknow Rolling Eyes i don't know why i do this to myself, i must like it....keeps me on my toes I guess.[/quote:0864260fb0]

I'm sorry, did I say something that hurt you?
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

you always do with everybody!!!
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