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is it okay to sleep with your best friend?
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:b7ea9ca818="nluvwmybestfrnd"]and i guess i have to admit that i have slept in the same bed with a couple of guys when i was younger too and didn't do anything but they meant nothing to me we didn't have years of history they were just friends and neither of us were in love with each other.[/quote:b7ea9ca818] Same here. I have two girls now that would get me in bed now, if I were that way.
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:db475eadcb="~Angel~"]Ocean makes a good point, he could be afraid of commitment. Then again, he could just want his cake & eat it too.

I personally think it's wrong of him to know how you feel about him, but still flirt w/you, now become intimate w/you. I think he could be using you. I don't know either of you, but from what I read it seems that way to me.[/quote:db475eadcb]

And as to this....I do totally feel the same way thats where the pain comes in and i feel like i can't do it anymore. but 1/2 of me feels like maybe he is in self denial because he has told me a million times that he is afraid of commitment. (though a couple months ago he told me he was ready for a relationship again and that was what he wanted)

I just don't see how he could use his best friend. and why? cause he's lonely? its not like he can't find another girl there is 20 other girls scratching at his door to get with him every night and he totally prefers to just stay single and hang out with me 24/7.

yeah like i said before...he drives me crazy.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Guys get afraid too.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

They are both confused thats all, they just have to talk like adults, thats it.
They are acting like living in total se3lfdenial he wants you and you want him.. but maybe you love enormously to know that everybody knows it and talk about it, and that so many of your friends also at work and hi talk about both of you and say you must be together and get married.. first the first workplace and then the second one, you keep everybody busy with that and feel enormously proud of it and it keeps you two going, than the day you get married, then you are like everybody else, and then, thats not so funny any more.. and you are both in it..
before it was you who was running away when he clearly wanted. and now it is you who wants him, trith is that you both are unbalanced and dont know at all what you want. until you found out it will not work. so hve him at your palce saturday eve, and ask him.
I give you until the 11 of marsh to have it doen and over with definitly.


Last edited by Ocean on Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't call people nuts, Ocean.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy

Last edited by Ocean on Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:01 pm; edited 1 time in total
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

so what exactly am i doing? Telling him i want more? because i did do that. he does know that. and i do know what i want. I was confused for a long time but i'm not anymore, i want him and i know it and he knows that. it is in his court i think he needs to come forward. NOW. I don't see how i could do anything else at this point but to tell him no when he does this stuff because i don't want to be used even though deep down i probably like being used. ha!

i think that the whole talk about us and how we should be together actually pushed it back even further, it has stopped for the most part there is still a few people that bring it up but I think more than anything that ruined it a little all ready cause there was always so much pressure and we would get everyone all hyped up and then nothing would happen. there isn't much pressure anymore. by this point most people leave us alone now they tried and gave up. maybe i should too.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, that was mean. I have had it with you. Why don't you stay the hell out of all my topics I start and stop following me around like a puppy dog.

I have been nothing but sweet, loving and kind to you. All you been to me is mean, rude, and calling me names, and saying I call you names when I don't. I care about you, Ocean. Don't blow it, honey.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:c490d1b484="nluvwmybestfrnd"]so what exactly am i doing? Telling him i want more? because i did do that. he does know that. and i do know what i want. I was confused for a long time but i'm not anymore, i want him and i know it and he knows that. it is in his court i think he needs to come forward. NOW. I don't see how i could do anything else at this point but to tell him no when he does this stuff because i don't want to be used even though deep down i probably like being used. ha!

i think that the whole talk about us and how we should be together actually pushed it back even further, it has stopped for the most part there is still a few people that bring it up but I think more than anything that ruined it a little all ready cause there was always so much pressure and we would get everyone all hyped up and then nothing would happen. there isn't much pressure anymore. by this point most people leave us alone now they tried and gave up. maybe i should too.[/quote:c490d1b484]

Sorry, honey, the one before was for Ocean. I wish you all the best.
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wink

just yeah. i don't know what to do. Rolling Eyes

I need other people to look at it all from a different perspective, people that don't know us and see together. if you see us together....well like he says everyone thinks we are a couple and then he says why does everyone always think that? Twisted Evil well...when your with someone that much and love them and kiss them and hold their hand and sleep with them well then people start to think things, people arn't crazy...he's crazy.

and i'm feelin all down now Crying or Very sad i just don't know why he would use his best friend when there is so many other girls that he can use if that is all he wants.

i think he does want his cake and eat it too.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

sAY THIS TO HIM DIRECTLY... Confront him constantly with it. tell him we kiss we sleep together we do everything together that couples do, so what is the difference except you refusing to admit that it is the case?

Ask him why he does those things with you, why he like to, why he wants o be with you and do all those things that couples do except saying officially you are (though he did that too in the past!!) and acknowledging that its the case?

ask him directly why he is so scared of commitment, and to seek professional help immediatly.
because if so many years of devotion from your side didnt helped it means he need help to face fact and make a hole in the real origin of his problem. Even if youdont have sex being and living as you 2 do is exactly the same as being boyfriends girlfirends living together, or being a couple .. there is no difference at all. I dont understand how people can be so blind and..dont see it!! Laughing
Confront him like hell, no matter what he answer just keep confronting him.. because it has been going on for soo soo soo long, he cant just jump were it lawest, he has to admit something is wrong with him, and maybe yourself you are scared of commitment and the alone reason you want it now is because you know for sure that he is not going to say yes..
its like you are both keeping your desease and trauma at hand...
the same kind of problem...
so get both into therapie.. do it together.. thats the best thing to do in fact, because you both have evolved hand in hand in it.. so cure it as a pair!

good luck with it! Very Happy Wink
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

aww you are so nice!

thanks



however...we don't kiss...make out kiss. he just kisses me quick little kisses every once in awhile and i don't kiss him myself only if he kisses me. and that was first time we actually slept together like that. we have spent the night tons of times but i usually sleep on the couch by myself. we actually slept together on the couch to be close to eachother and just hold eachother. we were wrapped up like pretzels...2 people sleeping on one couch is a bit much. I also think it might have been different though if we were in a bed and not a couch. ha ha

so yes you are totally right about us having everything a couple has but there isn't intimacy anything beyond PG13 for us...but we are going to break any night now i just know it and i guess i am afraid that he will regret it.

and yeah i don't think therapy is for us Wink it would be different though if we were actually doing things and not just sleeping.


Last edited by nluvwmybestfrnd on Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:43 am; edited 1 time in total
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are both in it together and both guilty.
You are both awaititng that very moment to occur and fear is as hell for no reason at all, and thats why i said before you are completely mad. Other can call it hypocrites, thats the same, just a madness to deny the best life has to offer you both in the name of some protocols about whos frieidn and how.
Is it better to be friend or more suffering? and cant you both also be friends and lovers at the same tiem? what odds are against it?
none.
So you need a brain wash to flow out the brain wash you both had before from life experiences eduction misconceptions and other environementals deseases.
Get rid of it. Do like this: met, home at your place, say from now on we are a couple all this week in all sens of the term.
And see what youboth do. if it work perfectly, now youknow it for sure, you are both reality runners in 3 dimensions.
You want it neet, as long as it isnt true fro real...
like babies and kids playing at the kinden garden, we do like if, but not all the way..you never said make love, are you under 12? so why do you call !"IT!" the 13th parking place?
going banana when "things" got a name ???!!!!
And you never <2DID IIIITTT" big deal<! so what? aint like you never thougth of it huh!?
so. you are gagak. both of you, adults kids.. nothing worse but aint the alone one with that, 200 million others at least suffer from the same one just in USA..
What do you have against making love, cant his penis entewr your vagina without repressing an inner barriers of taboooooos and screams?
what would that change anyway?
you will still be there after, still the same face and body and brain too, so whats the problem? is there any? if you get soemthing and him too might be that you could get you two brainies less redundoant on the protocols and more heavy on the what scount in life>?
like suddendly talking about love FOR REAL!
get over that physical stuff fast, so that you cant deny it. Even if you hadnt a body nor vagina and him no penis.. you will still be a couple! so get that inside your head, and then inside his and that should do you both lots of good.
I think you keep away from sex to keep the illusion like "the last limit before paradise, but not yet".. like robbie williams song.. but like opposit..! Laughing
If you both were less focussed about sex this will have work since long. you are like 90% of the USA , so unconscioulsy focused on sex verus and mix religious believes and taboos and forbidden, that it has to come out in some fantasmagoricals scenarios, the one more crazy than the other..
And of course we are not talking about sex here but about friendships.. hmmhmm!
my azz.
you are both in it and want to be a real couple, you just dont remmeber how to play.
dont try to undeerstand your trip is utterly irrational, thats the emotional realms that ´rules here.. therefor any rational opinion cant get the top of the iceberg nor give you any one clue that you didnt have thought through already a million times..
get both emotional, dramtical, celeste.. punch all the things you feared to say, shout it, make a scene a declaration of love get explosiv, narrative, all in love, show your hate, all you hade endure all those months and micro seconds, and get rid of this fancy wall who separate you from each others.
you both have a common inner life right now, what you fight is the same for both of you.. so invite him to your own "surprise party" here, on this website, and have him read all of that.. Laughing Cool Shocked someone is going to be taken for a ride! and it wont be youououo! Very Happy
So, whos crazy now?
Very Happy
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you are funny as hell.




and yeah your right it wouldn't be the end of the world if we did have...SEX. and i think maybe we should have or maybe we will this weekend Laughing

and no i'm not 12...i'm 27....i have a kid so yeah i am really scared to get hurt and i guess that he has the highest possibility of hurting me because i care about him so much and love him so much and don't want to lose him.

another reason i am scared to have sex with him is because well if i do...and i'm going to be honest here....then he's got to stop contact with any other girls that he has been seeing and i want a god damn relationship and i KNOW he knows that. and THAT is probably why we don't have sex because if we did then that WOULD make us bf/gf and then we'd be in a serious relationship because we already have the relationship part and that would also lead to us getting married which he is scared to death to do. Wink

i guess thats it.


Last edited by nluvwmybestfrnd on Wed Feb 28, 2007 2:05 am; edited 1 time in total
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nluvwmybestfrnd
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think i just answered my own problems
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