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Husband & Friend Worries

 
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AnonyWife
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Joined: 22 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 3:58 am    Post subject: Husband & Friend Worries Reply with quote

**Eek! Sorry for the long post.**

*sigh* Where to begin.. I've never been on this sort of message board before, nor have I ever been so conflicted about something like this.

I basically have a close friend which I've known for about a year or so. We've known each other as acquaintences for almost 5 years until very recent. Since we've gotten so close, she was my maid of honor at my wedding. I can't tell you how much I owe her due to the amount of help she gave me while I was in the planning stages up to the wedding itself.

I've been with my husband for about 6 years now and I know the ins and outs of his being. I trust him completely and don't know what I'd do if we were to break up. I love him with all my heart...

So onto the issue.. my friend recently began working for a large corporation with tons of perks. My husband has been working at a different company with which he has gotten fed up with. He has 2 out of 3 weeks of on call on a rotating basis. Basically, he's chained to his job and our schedules have to revolve around it because he has to be near a computer at all times.

Currently, my friend has gotten him an interview at her company for a position that is in her department. Here's what is worrying me. She's extremely flirty with my husband and moreso right in front of my face. She speaks the world of him like he was her husband instead. Lately, she's been making some comments which normally wouldn't be an issue if she weren't so flirty.

I'm worried about my husband getting the position at her company and me not being there to see exactly how flirty and agressive she'll be with him. I'm not so concerned with my husband cheating on me, but I just don't like having to even be cautious about what my friend will do behind my back.

I have talked to my husband about my concerns in an attempt to make him very aware that I'm not happy with her behavior. He simply tells me not to worry about it. I just can't help but think my firend's flirtatious nature is going to get much worse with me not around while they're at work together. She's the sensitive type and I know she'll get offended if I bring this to her attention.

Ideally, I'd like my husband to be more receptive with what I have to say and for my friend to stop flirting with him.. am I asking for too much? What should I do?
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scorpio
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 12:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, it always take 2 hands to clap... At the end of the day, it is that power of love between you and your husband that matters... it that love of the both of yours is strong, nothing can shaken it...

Yes, though she may flirt a lot with your husband (maybe that's just her character...) but what matters is your husband won't flirt with her... And that would mean there has to be this mutual trust between the both of you.

If he is really happy to have a change in this job, wouldn't you support him? Perhaps in this new job, he will actually have more time for you?

Hmmm... I guess, maybe it will be good to spend more time with your husband to built up and strengthen the relationship rather than to worry and unknowingly bring about some unhappiness to the relationship... Well, of course there's nothing wrong to be feeling worried... now which girl would be happy to have other girls flirting with her husband...

But just a note, sometimes over "sensitive" and reacting might just hurt the relationship instead... Maybe things might not be as bad as you thought...? We shall see how things goes along the way...?
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AnonyWife
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 4:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the response Scorpio! It helped a lot...

This thing has been bugging me to no end. I mean, I even had a dream about where my husband left me for no particular reason. I woke up in th worst mood ever..

I do feel like the love we both share in the marriage will hold us together so that nobody or anything can ever break that bond. I guess I just felt threatened because my friend is a skinnier chick than me and I let my insecurities fuel my worries. My husband hardly ever compliments me even when I'm looking my best. I know he has a thing for smaller girls, not to say that I'm a really big girl. I'm moderately sized and for him to never compliment me and stress the fact that I need to lose weight is hard you know?

I absolutely support him changing jobs especially if it will free up some time for him to spend with me. Not having to be woken up in the middle of the night would definitely be a perk that I'm looking forward to. m

Do you think I should say anything to my friend about her flirting? Or should I just leave it alone?
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You do have to watch those "so called" friends. I know someone that her best friend took her husband a way from her. They had a kid together and that still didn't stop the "best friend", or her husband from leaving her. It happens, but don't worry yourself to death over it. It may never happen to you. Just keep those Shocked open.
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~Angel~
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Joined: 20 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If I was in your situation I would say someting to my friend if I felt like she was flirting w/my husband. Then again, I'm a very straight forward, tell em kind of person.

Anyway...I think you should have a talk w/your friend. While you 2 are talking, look at her to get her facial reactions, really listen to how her voice sounds. Body & facial language along w/how a person sounds when talking about something such as your problem is a big factor in how the other person feels about the subject.

Like if the person gets very defensive as you just begin to have your talk, that would be a good indicator that person doesn't like what you are talking about probably because they know what they are doing & they know it's wrong, maybe even do it on purpose.

Hope I didn't confuse you more.

In the end though, if you 2 are friends, you should be able to talk to her about what is bothering you concerning her flirting w/your husband. Real friendships should be able to discuss anything.
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AnonyWife
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the advice Angel.. Ironically, my friend's nick name is Angel... scary coincidence huh?

I think if I see my friend flirting with my husband again, I will bring it to her attention and let her know how uncomfortable it makes me.
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