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Im falling in love with a close friend

 
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JustFriends
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 3:42 pm    Post subject: Im falling in love with a close friend Reply with quote

Hi all, this is my first post here, so hello. I dont know what im doing anymore and so I figure ill try this route to see if anyone can help.

I have a friend who I met through a common interest (a weeked sport we both do,...which means I see her every weekend, and sometimes during the week). We became friends about a year ago and since then have grown closer to the point where we chat on msn while at work every day, constantly sms each other, and love spending time with each other on the weekends.

Ive never been very lucky with girlfriends and by no means am I the most experienced person ever with this. I am now 25 and can probably count the number of girlfriends ive had on one hand. So, to get to the point, I am now completely infatuated by her. She's quirky, intelligent, friendly, easy to talk to, and the most beautifull girl ive ever met.

Well, I eventually got up the courage to say something to her and although I wasn't as direct as I could have been about how I feel, im sure she knew that I had feelings for her. She said, 'never say never, but right now I dont even know what I like'. She has never had many boyfriends iether and is, like me, maybe not the most experienced person when it comes to relationships (im not talking sex here, im talking relationships). So I did believe her when she said that. But at the same time its just the sort of thing she'd say to try not hurt my feelings. But since then it has become clear that she defiintly does not have any romantic feelings for me.

So what do I do? Please help me if you can. I can't really stop seeing her as much because we will always see each other on the weekends, and besides, I love seeing her and think about her all the time, I couldn't bear not to. She's also relatively big into astrology (more as an interest than a series belief), if that makes any kind of difference. Oh, and she has no shortage of guys who are crazy about her,...guys who ill admit are far more goodlooking than me and are higher up the food chain if you can put it that way. But they dont have the connection with her that I do.

When im not with her, she's all I think about. We get along so well and are so similar in certain ways. I could go on about this forever, but I guess you've got the idea, so please help if you have any advice.

Thanks
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desmondtiny
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 5:25 am    Post subject: Re: Im falling in love with a close friend Reply with quote

Equal problem friend. Only 2 major differences.

1. im 14
2. the girl in my story...i have been friends since age 4. Most of my life...

Now...I have certain...roadblocks...in my path so i cant do this but tell her how u feel. If luck be with both of us we
will succEd
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liquid_sunshine
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 8:49 am    Post subject: Some advice =) Reply with quote

I seem to be in the exact same situation too (my problem is over at the friendship board, lol). It's a really hard situation to judge. If you've told her you like her and she's turned you down, then there isn't much more you can do and you have to move on, I guess.

If you see her every week, then just try and get things back to how they were. Just act like mates would, go out with her with her friends, get her to introduce you to some of her mates (big groups, and an equal share of guys and girls are great, as being in a 2 just with her could be intimidating right now) - or get some of your mates to introduce some other girls to you.

Just think though - would you rather have a relationship, it break down after about a couple of years and you never speak to each other again, or a long lasting friendship which could go on for, maybe, decades?

Hope I've helped - R x Smile
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JustFriends
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 9:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the advice from both of you. Well its saturday now,...which means in a few hours ill be seeing her again and as always I cant wait. But that's mixed with sadness as you can imagine.

But you're right, I can't imagine my life without her in it so if that means just staying friends then ill have to come to terms with that. Id do anything for there to be more between us but not if it means risking possibly messing things up and no longer talking to her.

thanks again... Crying or Very sad
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 4:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:eac9d296e6="JustFriends"]Thanks for the advice from both of you. Well its saturday now,...which means in a few hours ill be seeing her again and as always I cant wait. But that's mixed with sadness as you can imagine.

But you're right, I can't imagine my life without her in it so if that means just staying friends then ill have to come to terms with that. Id do anything for there to be more between us but not if it means risking possibly messing things up and no longer talking to her.

thanks again... Crying or Very sad[/quote:eac9d296e6] Hang in there. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 5:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I want to tell you one very important thing: you never ever asked her out on a date, and you never ever told her you loved her, and never offfered her roses, flowers and told her you loved her.. so what are you waiting for????
Men are so incredibly blind!! cant you see she is waiting for it??!!

what are you waiting for?
that SHE send you the flowers.
So you put all this love and luck on danger because of one sentence ypou might have misunderstood?

Come on!

take ourself together and send her loves poems, lome sms, and ask her directly how she feel for you. dont be shy, just say it and tell her you have had love feelings for her since a long time. thats the alone way to found out and keep seeing her and also keep asking her. she is as unsure as you are and have oyu think about that you might have frighten her by your reserved attitude and that she might have think that you dont love her... and are not interested at all.. after all you are 25!!! and you didnt even asked her out on a date!!

DO IT! dont wait!
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liquid_sunshine
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't want to pour water on the fire here, but maybe a load of texts/letters/flowers all in one go might seem a little intimidating? This is only from my POV, but maybe being slow, but constant be better?

R x
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 7:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:dacb381026="liquid_sunshine"]I don't want to pour water on the fire here, but maybe a load of texts/letters/flowers all in one go might seem a little intimidating? This is only from my POV, but maybe being slow, but constant be better?

R x[/quote:dacb381026]

he has been slow a little bit too long dont you think?
they are exchanging every day, the alone thing who stop them is fear to be rejected and nothing else.
So why not end up the suffering immediatly and get fixed once and for all about the truth of the situation instead of guessing and telling stranger about his real feeling to strangers on a website...?

She deserve to know.
If girls make the first step guys get scared, if she doesnt they got scared that she doesnt want them..!!!??
make up your mind.
You love her so tell her, at least for the love you have.
She will not sms with him like that everyday unless there was something. I mean she has no bf, so why does he think it is the case when she is so much asked after by so many also much more beautifull and wealthy than he is?
Because she loves him and wait for him to make a move of course>!!!

How stupid and full of denial can one be???
Maybe his selfestime is so low that he dont think he deserve her and thats why in fact he didnt made a moove, so maybe he doesnt deserve the love of a girl who is so nice that she waits and waits until the end of time and say no to other who dare ask her and tell her how they feel for her instead to just seeking refuge behin their fears..

DOnt let fears kill your life and steal your life from love and sweet feelings!
It is so classical.
I think he should send her 100 red roses, and excuses for having been so unbrave and have let her wait for so long!
A love letter is really asked for here, as he has time to catch up, and i can only imagine how she must have feel for St valentine, certainly looking forward for this date, as a moment he will choose to come forward with his feelings and ask her out!
He isnt a kid, he is an adult man, its time for him to learn to act in accord with his true feelings,and to dont get disheartened by his fears. She say yes and her too love him that will be greate and he has not one second to waist, she say no then he knows it for sure instead to waist time at the guessing game and speculating like mad.
Get it simple and straightforward, is the most wise solution always, jut alk about what is on your mind for both, dont wait, she is also speculating and probably suffering from it and try to enjoy just freindship.
of fear to get rejected by him if she dare to make the first step...

so thats a creazy situation to be in, the alone way out is to break through and talk openly about it.
You are not going to die, from doing it, on the contrary, so do it and stop tripping like that.
Its not her nor what she once almost say whos stop him, but his own fears of what she might say.. thats really sad.
He likes expect her to give him a 100% CLEAR ANSWER without even have to ask, and its not going to happen..
next will be that she say yes to one of the other woer, and he will be all heart broken and fill with regret fo not having made a moove long ago, and they eventually will coem to talk about it, and she will told him she was feeling the same but thought he wasnt interested,a nd they will both be super sad about it, and it will be messy for both of them, but too late..
So why make things complicated when they can be soooo damn easy??!
Its complicated enough to begin with, so at age 25 should be able toa sk the girl he loves and speak together with every days for months and see every weekend, out on a date go drink a glass, dancing, eat at a restaurant, invite each others home, and move that love to the next level!
Aint going to fly if you are too scared to start the engine!
thats my point.
no asking no cookies! Very Happy Wink
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 7:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:5e12b5a0a0="liquid_sunshine"]I don't want to pour water on the fire here, but maybe a load of texts/letters/flowers all in one go might seem a little intimidating? This is only from my POV, but maybe being slow, but constant be better?

R x[/quote:5e12b5a0a0]

he has been slow a little bit too long dont you think?
they are exchanging every day, the alone thing who stop them is fear to be rejected and nothing else.
So why not end up the suffering immediatly and get fixed once and for all about the truth of the situation instead of guessing and telling stranger about his real feeling to strangers on a website...?

She deserve to know.
If girls make the first step guys get scared, if she doesnt they got scared that she doesnt want them..!!!??
make up your mind.
You love her so tell her, at least for the love you have.
She will not sms with him like that everyday unless there was something. I mean she has no bf, so why does he think it is the case when she is so much asked after by so many also much more beautifull and wealthy than he is?
Because she loves him and wait for him to make a move of course>!!!

How stupid and full of denial can one be???
Maybe his selfestime is so low that he dont think he deserve her and thats why in fact he didnt made a moove, so maybe he doesnt deserve the love of a girl who is so nice that she waits and waits until the end of time and say no to other who dare ask her and tell her how they feel for her instead to just seeking refuge behin their fears..

DOnt let fears kill your life and steal your life from love and sweet feelings!
It is so classical.
I think he should send her 100 red roses, and excuses for having been so unbrave and have let her wait for so long!
A love letter is really asked for here, as he has time to catch up, and i can only imagine how she must have feel for St valentine, certainly looking forward for this date, as a moment he will choose to come forward with his feelings and ask her out!
He isnt a kid, he is an adult man, its time for him to learn to act in accord with his true feelings,and to dont get disheartened by his fears. She say yes and her too love him that will be greate and he has not one second to waist, she say no then he knows it for sure instead to waist time at the guessing game and speculating like mad.
Get it simple and straightforward, is the most wise solution always, jut alk about what is on your mind for both, dont wait, she is also speculating and probably suffering from it and try to enjoy just freindship.
of fear to get rejected by him if she dare to make the first step...

so thats a creazy situation to be in, the alone way out is to break through and talk openly about it.
You are not going to die, from doing it, on the contrary, so do it and stop tripping like that.
Its not her nor what she once almost say whos stop him, but his own fears of what she might say.. thats really sad.
He likes expect her to give him a 100% CLEAR ANSWER without even have to ask, and its not going to happen..
next will be that she say yes to one of the other woer, and he will be all heart broken and fill with regret fo not having made a moove long ago, and they eventually will coem to talk about it, and she will told him she was feeling the same but thought he wasnt interested,a nd they will both be super sad about it, and it will be messy for both of them, but too late..
So why make things complicated when they can be soooo damn easy??!
Its complicated enough to begin with, so at age 25 should be able toa sk the girl he loves and speak together with every days for months and see every weekend, out on a date go drink a glass, dancing, eat at a restaurant, invite each others home, and move that love to the next level!
Aint going to fly if you are too scared to start the engine!
thats my point.
no asking no cookies! Very Happy Wink
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liquid_sunshine
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 8:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I suppose. But, if she doesn't like him, then it would be intimidating - trust me, I've been a "victim" of roses, letters and many other random things. I mean, just saying it and being straight forward can sometimes be enough. If she then says yes, then I would probably consider carrying on with gifts, roses, letters explaining how much you love them etc.
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Ocean
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:859d652738="liquid_sunshine"]I suppose. But, if she doesn't like him, then it would be intimidating - trust me, I've been a "victim" of roses, letters and many other random things. I mean, just saying it and being straight forward can sometimes be enough. If she then says yes, then I would probably consider carrying on with gifts, roses, letters explaining how much you love them etc.[/quote:859d652738]

she never told him she didnt like him not wasnt interested! he never asked her! thats the problem here.
dos not like him.. what do you eman, they are in contact almost 24 hours on 24! if this isnt a very positiv sign then what is?!
you can come with roses and declare your love, or send a letter, it doesnt matter i am talking here about making the frist step not talking about semantic or the color of his shoes when he is going to do it!
the point is to talk about it with her instead of waiting for God to do so for him..
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fair dos. Just sometimes, lots of things at one time can be too much for some people - just know what she wants (as you should - she's a really good mate, right?) and give it to her - I'm sure she wouldn't ask for much more.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:290fc83b9a="liquid_sunshine"]Fair dos. Just sometimes, lots of things at one time can be too much for some people - just know what she wants (as you should - she's a really good mate, right?) and give it to her - I'm sure she wouldn't ask for much more.[/quote:290fc83b9a]

Very Happy I agree that lots of things at once can be two much for some people.
Like a lot of bad things happening to you one right after another can be.
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:6a9337e485="Brandon"][quote:6a9337e485="liquid_sunshine"]Fair dos. Just sometimes, lots of things at one time can be too much for some people - just know what she wants (as you should - she's a really good mate, right?) and give it to her - I'm sure she wouldn't ask for much more.[/quote:6a9337e485]

Very Happy I agree that lots of things at once can be two much for some people.
Like a lot of bad things happening to you one right after another can be.[/quote:6a9337e485]

we are not talking of too much things at once here, we are talking of doing something at all!!!

He didnt do any!
he didnt invited her out, nor told her about his feelings nor offered her roses, nor send her a letter, absolutly nothing! He never brought the subject up, he is just too scared to do so.
Why are you guys avoided the subject it and diluting it in a story about what it too much or not. I am talking about doing at elast one of those things, at using one eman to communicate his feelings, to let her know, not about doing it all at once!
I cannot see the problem nor why thr guy brought it here. he knwo very well what he has to do. He has to tell her how he feels for her and ask her if she feel the same for him, and nothing more. They are not first time dating, nor 14 years old, they are more close to the 30 years old.. and have been in close contact everyday with each others for an entire year!! Thats weird to be so long at saying such a simple thing as I love you to one you ahve love so long and see and talk with so much as they do!
You are too much packed in in fear and uuuhh is it right is it wrong+ and wioll my dad say yes and will society say no? and what am i to do and what think the jones? and will the jones agree if my thight is grey or blue? and what was i told when I was a child? and I musnt think on my own, and my own opinion has no value, and so on and so on.
If not for all those silly blocks, they will be married already! and Happy!
Instead they eat their nails and are all trembling in fear of whats going to happen next, like if itwasnt their life this was about! nor their decision to act upon it!
Fear of failure.. what a waist of time and beautifull life!
Go get the engine running and take her out for a ride!
And from a woman: cant ever be too much! can slightly get ever enough!
Not only would she love it all at once, but she will clap and want it everyday! so THAT might be a problem in the long run.. Laughing

You really dont know a thing about love do you?

nor about womens drive.

Give it all in full force! fully sure of what you want, fully engaged, 100% or nothing! thats the way to do it! Everything! no half mesure and quart tune accepted here, no place for misunderstanding and insecurities.
Just the fully clear unmistakable message, and you will see soem eyebrowns jump, and a very bright smile.

If you say maybe i like you but I am not sure, what do you think she is going to do? give you the same answer! Razz

What can happen? that she say no? big deal! it will happen with 1 and with 1000 roses if she dont love him, so make it into a real fantastica symphony and be glad for it.
It doesnt matter if she say no, what matters is that she say yes, and thats that one you must gamble on, and look for, instead to plant seeds of selffullfilling doom prophecies!
Anyway she is not going out with much more interesting and daring parti, so, must be a very good reason.. and she is constantly on the phone and sms with him.
It is a winner. the guy is too close to the tree to see the forest.
And you too aint better!
I mean, thats evident enougth. She has been waiting so long, that only an engagement ring will repair the damages.
Heat you fears with a hammer! that will be the one day of the year when they wont have hit you with it instead! Laughing

DONT EVER LISTEN TO OTHERS ADVICE, JUST LISTEN TO YOUR OWN, AND DO AS YOU FEEL IS BEST AND AS YOU HEART TELLE YOU, AND PISS A LONG STRAW AT ANY GOOD OLD FASHION COMMON SENSE AND OTHER RABBISHING SOUND ADVICES, AND PROPPER AND AS WE USE TO DO AND THINK AND GO WRONG ALL THE WAY, JSUT DO IT YOUR WAY, AND DO IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!

Whom are we to give the guy advices anyway? He is his own life he knows very well where he is, he just need the kick in the azz tro get started, so it aint with precarious carefully apointed advices to dont make any rash move that he is going to move from that chair and do soemthing about it!
Certainly not with advices from people suffering from the same fears as he does! Laughing and all inbued of prejudices and fill with concepts and shelters where to put each and every person and lines... no no no..
If she is like him, you see the picture: they are both paralised by fear of rejection and he certainly has once or twice said soemthing casual that she has misinterpretated as a signal that he wasnt interested in her as a love interest but only in friendship, just as he has misinterpretated her casual comment who most certainly was about something absolutly not related to the subject at the time she made it.. And why can i be so sure of that? Because none of them has mentioned that very central subject yet!.. Razz Laughing
world of fools! they think of nothing else day long and night long and all the year, but they cant spit it out..get drunk smoke a join, take 3 LSD, and make that phone call or go visit her if its what it takes, but do it!
Ok, maybe 2 LSD½ will be enough, to crash that damn wall you have inside, but get out of that jail straight after and never come back in it! .

Good luck and good speed!

Angel of Love.
Wink Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 1:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:d34bd639fd="Brandon"][quote:d34bd639fd="liquid_sunshine"]Fair dos. Just sometimes, lots of things at one time can be too much for some people - just know what she wants (as you should - she's a really good mate, right?) and give it to her - I'm sure she wouldn't ask for much more.[/quote:d34bd639fd]

Very Happy I agree that lots of things at once can be two much for some people.
Like a lot of bad things happening to you one right after another can be.[/quote:d34bd639fd]

agree about the bad things, but you cant ever get too many good things at once. Give me an exemple?

Rolling Eyes Shocked Very Happy I wait.... Cool Laughing

The alone thing you can have as negative effect can be that you are pessimistic by nature and when its go good you think "its too good to be true" and think " wont be long before a racket hit me now or the world goes down, or i get killed or got cancer, ecause there is ups and downs, and coming that up will certainly bring me that down, so it aint good, so i want take the good things, just turn around and take another way" aaaahaahh that will be that kind of thinking who could get in the way of getting you good luck home. Too much good? never heard of that.
Its good or bad not too good, certainly too bad at times. But too good is just heaven, and if you mean that heaven is a bad thing because it is too good at once, then you've got a problem! Laughing Laughing Laughing Cool

In love it can only be perfect, never too much, on the good side.
For me love letters and roses and lovedeclarations and date fall very good together and must be brought on the same day for the best results.
you are too gready! thats the problem!
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