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Using your head or your heart?

 
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lovebuggrc03
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 4:21 am    Post subject: Using your head or your heart? Reply with quote

So here's my problem. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone who I was very in love with. We broke up when I went to college because it didn't seem like we were getting along anymore. He didn't trust me at all and after we broke up, I found out he had cheated on me. I was devastated. We broke up three years ago but lately I have been seeing him a lot. I have never been able to "let him go". He is always on my mind and I feel like we have so much passion and fire for each other that its hard to call it quits. I have had relationships after him, but something always brings me back. Recently, we have talked about getting back together. He has promised me that he's changed but I'm not trying to be naive, but I really think he did. I've noticed MAJOR changes in his personality that would tell me that maybe this time would be a lot better if we were to date again. I'm hesitant to jump into things because he doesn't exactly get along with my family due to our past relationship and the way he treated me sometimes. I recently told my mom that I was talking to him again and she kept saying " use our head" , " you know what you have to do , you're a smart girl". She told me she would never accept him if I were to get back together which hurts because I'm very close to my mother. I love him. If I use my head, then what happens to my heart? I'm the type of person that wears her heart on her sleeve and I think that it's crucial to have the type of passion I have with my ex in a relationship....what do i do?
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Broken Rainbow
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 4:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sometimes it's good to listen to your heart over your head. I was in a 2 year relationship and I was 20 when we broke up. I let him let me go though he didn't want to he knew it was what I wanted. But I argued between my head and my heart....just didn't realize that was what I was doing then, all I knew is I couldn't figure out what was best for me I guess. 3 years later I regreted it and realized I still really love him but he was engaged. Then they broke up months later and we hooked up one night and he acted like he could let her go and eventually try again with me. Yeah....7 months later he's with her again after I waited this whole time for him. I regret not going to him when I first realized my feelings.
If you really think he changed he probably did. 3 years is alot of time to find yourselves and change for the better if that's what he wanted. I've changed in the last 4 years alot due to past experiences. It is possible!
If you still really love him go for it, or you may regret it later. And you also may regret giving it another shot. Most important lesson in life is to learn from your mistakes. Try not to regret them. Mistakes make you into the person you become.
Explain to your mom it is what your want, it is your life. If she can't even try to accept it tell her your sure she's made a few poor decisions in her life that may have caused her to change. Ask her to at least try to accept him. To give him another chance. Most everyone deserves a second chance. His mistake was not being up front with you about his cheating.
Have a talk and discuss that honesty is very important and you want it to be a great factor in your relationship.
Start fresh....leave the past in the past as best as you can. Like I said 3 years is alot of time it shouldn't be to hard to "start over". Take it slow.

I wish you the best!
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 4:00 pm    Post subject: Re: Using your head or your heart? Reply with quote

[quote:2671a06b94="lovebuggrc03"]So here's my problem. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone who I was very in love with. We broke up when I went to college because it didn't seem like we were getting along anymore. He didn't trust me at all and after we broke up, I found out he had cheated on me. I was devastated. We broke up three years ago but lately I have been seeing him a lot. I have never been able to "let him go". He is always on my mind and I feel like we have so much passion and fire for each other that its hard to call it quits. I have had relationships after him, but something always brings me back. Recently, we have talked about getting back together. He has promised me that he's changed but I'm not trying to be naive, but I really think he did. I've noticed MAJOR changes in his personality that would tell me that maybe this time would be a lot better if we were to date again. I'm hesitant to jump into things because he doesn't exactly get along with my family due to our past relationship and the way he treated me sometimes. I recently told my mom that I was talking to him again and she kept saying " use our head" , " you know what you have to do , you're a smart girl". She told me she would never accept him if I were to get back together which hurts because I'm very close to my mother. I love him. If I use my head, then what happens to my heart? I'm the type of person that wears her heart on her sleeve and I think that it's crucial to have the type of passion I have with my ex in a relationship....what do i do?[/quote:2671a06b94]

Ok, passion is good. On the other hand.. what good is passion if the guy doesn't treat you right? Your mom loves you more than anyone else will ever. If you use your head than your heart when it comes to picking the right man.. your heart will become much stonger and won't be on your sleeve. Not that it's not good (very sweet person), but if it's there too long, it can't get broken.
Believe me.. use your head.. your heart will love you for it.
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littledixiekitten
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 2:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok, well I have a strong feeling about people cheating on other people. There is always some reason that they cheat. And the fact that he kept it from you isn't a very good thing. I cheated on my boyfriend, but told him a few weeks after. Also, if your mom doesn't like him, and you are really close to her, there must be a good reason why she doesn't like him. My mom didn't like my ex one bit and after I broke up with him I finally saw the flaws that my mom saw. I say listen to what your heart tells you, but I honestly think that if he cheated on you once, he's more than likely gonna do it again. Although I could be wrong. Usually when someone cheats on someone else, its because they aren't completely happy in the relationship. I think that maybe if you stayed friends with him a little longer you might see some things in a better light. Also, think carefully about why your mom doesn't like him.
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~Angel~
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 5:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would be inclined to listen to your mother, you 2 are close, she's probably been through situations such as what you are going through in the past. Not to mention you stated he didn't treat you good at times when you were together & he cheated on you, that is for sure not a good thing.

Maybe just be his friend, I think in time his true self will show even if you 2 are friends.
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Brandon
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 7:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No one will love you, or care for you, like your parents do.
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JenniB
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote:0771f13432="Brandon"]No one will love you, or care for you, like your parents do.[/quote:0771f13432]

absolutely.
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Step Pyramid
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He probably hasn't changed. Anybody who has decided to cheat on somebody in a two year relationship has shown a tremendous capacity of selfishness and dishonesty.

Not to say that he couldn't have changed, but most people willing to do that and that got away with it are likely willing to do it again. And the underlying weaknesses in their confidence that causes them to cheat are likely still there.

It's easy to become blinded by emotions. People tend to remember the good times and forget the bad. It helps us cope, but concentrate hard and you'll probably remember all of the things that has convinced your mother that this guy is a such a jerk.

If you still think it's worth a shot, no negative thing that I can say will change your mind. I mean, after all, your own mother who you are close to has given you advice about this guy that is very negative and you hesitate to listen to it.

What is some guy on the internet's advice going to change.
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bethany
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 8:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My view on it is that if you keep coming back to him, or after a break up your thoughts go right to him, then your heart is definitely screaming at you to give it another chance with him. The fact that he feels like he wants to be with you means that he still cares for you after three years (that's a good sign). Have you ever heard the expression that when you love someone you've got to let them go, if they come back it was meant to be forever. You let him go, three years ago, (or at least he was gone) and he wants to come back. He's probably had other gfs, but they didn't compare to what you two had. I understand how the parents are important, and that they may know things that you don't. But, they learned things for themselves, they didn't have someone to tell them that this is what's going to happen. You need to learn for yourself, and if your mother can't accept it (which I feel that parents, althought they don't want you to get hurt, should just be happy that there is someone to make you happy), then have a schedule (time for her, and time for him) and try not to mix the two. If it ends up going really well for you two then ask her to please give him another chance, ask her to be open minded and see for herself that he has genuinely changed. If it doesn't work out for old reasons or new, then maybe you'll be able to move on from him for good, and five years down the line there won't be that burning question about what would have been.
I say give it a chance, at first keep your heart a little guarded, but be open to letting youself fall for him again. I believe that you will benefit greatly from this (whether it turns out negative or positive) because you will have learned that people can change or that you can truly move on from a (obviously) big chapter in your life. Good luck.
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charaze1
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 5:09 am    Post subject: your mom Reply with quote

I understand why your mom said that because this is her daughter you're both talking about. This is about you. No mother would want her daughter to get hurt the second time around.

Your mom has experienced a lot in love than you, so, she knows how it felt to be betrayed once. Now that she has you, she couldn't take looking at her daughter going through the same thing. It just crushes your mother's heart.

For me, try talking to your mom that you can see the changes that your boyfriend is doing and if it would be okay for her to try and see that, too.



Wink Good luck!
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